Time to Vent

ogrose_txAugust 17, 2010

We are having some remodeling done in our house and outdoor garden shed, and I'm having a nervous breakdown. Hope you don't mind if I vent, it may save my sanity!

This afternoon I went outside and one guy was cleaning his paintbrushes in my mulched flower bed close to my Climbing Pinkie, and I came unglued, said "No, No, No!", which I think he understood, LOL. They have a total mess out on the patio of the shed, I guess they don't get rid of the sheetrock and other mess they leave.

This remodeling is coming to a screeching halt as soon as they are done with what they are presently doing, which should be in the next couple of days. It can wait until later. My husband has Stage 4 cancer which has spread to the bone, and due to the drugs and chemo, he just isn't thinking clearly and is totally unorganized. While I surely appreciate him wanting to fix the house up, the mess and unorganization is just not worth it. And I'm sure the contractor is becoming frustrated as well. So...

Can't believe how expensive this is getting! I had no idea how much I took for granted the things my husband did over the years to our house including painting, tiling, gutters, helping me with heavy work in the garden, etc. And, believe me, I have told him so.

However, as soon as it cools off, I will get some cheap labor, have two strong sons who are going to be called on to spend a weekend getting rid of the mess.

Sorry for the somewhat OT, but I feel better already! Life is good.


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Don't be sorry for the OT - we're so sorry for your husband's health troubles. I am so glad you have sons to help.

My dh is a treasure and it sounds as if yours is too. Remodeling can definitely wait. Sounds like a very wise move to me. Gean

    Bookmark   August 17, 2010 at 12:59AM
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Thank you for sharing. You are a strong woman and I'm glad to hear that you have 2 able sons. Remodeling is incredibly stressful. You are so right that now is not the time for you.
Will say a preyer for your hubby.

Take care.

    Bookmark   August 17, 2010 at 1:05AM
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hoovb zone 9 sunset 23

Prayers and thoughts for your DH. You go right ahead and vent, we're here for you.

    Bookmark   August 17, 2010 at 1:22AM
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Remodeling IS stressful. The workers, no matter how competent, are strangers ... and they have total access to your house and they disrupt your lives. With your husband's cancer, your life is ALREADY disrupted enough.

It should be the contractor's job to clean up his mess, unless you specified that you would do it. Hold him to it.

Prayers for you and your family,

    Bookmark   August 17, 2010 at 6:39AM
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sammy zone 7 Tulsa

I am also sorry for your husband's health problems.

I can identify with the frustrations of remodeling since we had a new roof a few months ago. They needed to put a strip of wood around the edges, and they offered to put on a base coat before putting on the wood strips. We ended up with white paint on the sidewalk and decorative rocks around my flower beds.

You need to vent, and I hope you keep us current on these problems. They are very on topic in this situation.


    Bookmark   August 17, 2010 at 8:23AM
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Mendocino_Rose(z8 N CA.)

I'm sorry for all your troubles and frustrations. It does help to vent. My best wishes for you and your husband.

    Bookmark   August 17, 2010 at 8:36AM
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I completely sympathize with your frustration. I had my house painted this year and the painter must have cleaned his tools apparently in the middle of my front side yard. How did I learn this? A few days later I had a big dead round spot in the yard. :( We won't even discuss the damage done to New Dawn...but she's hardy and will shake it off.

Very sorry to hear about your husband. Have been through that with my mom and a cousin. It is a difficult time and of course you are right to focus your energies on that situation rather than the frustrations of a remodel. I'm sure your sons will be glad to have something to do to help both of you out.

Good luck and my prayers for you and your family.

    Bookmark   August 17, 2010 at 9:18AM
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Your post brought tears to my eyes----Please come here to vent if it helps you deal with all you are going through--
My heart goes out to you and your DH---

Thank goodness you have two strong healthy sons--

I will be thinking about you---


    Bookmark   August 17, 2010 at 9:31AM
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aimeekitty(9-10, SW 18)

even just moving can be hard, having all these people in your house in your stuff is probably too much. Just take care of yourself and your family. Goodluck

    Bookmark   August 17, 2010 at 10:39AM
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So sorry to hears about your husband's cancer. By all means vent here; we are your friends. You are certainly right that you need some peace and quiet for your husband. If your work crew isn't going to take away the mess because they'll need some of it later, perhaps you can get them to stack it in a tidy pile and cover it with a tarp so you won't have to look at it all the time. Tell them you want to protect it from the weather.

Best wishes for you and your husband.


    Bookmark   August 17, 2010 at 11:57AM
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Sorry about your husband's health. Life has its difficult moments.

Your story echos one of my concerns that if something happens to me, the next light bulb or furnace filter that needs changed in the house will stay that way. I'm sure your husband is now going through wanting to make sure you're taken care of, bless him.

    Bookmark   August 17, 2010 at 12:05PM
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Thanks you all so much for your kindness, I do believe I'm going to make it through this! They are out of here at the end of today for a while. I did order windows which will take a few weeks to receive and once that's done we will definitely take a break.

I was wrong, they are hauling the debris to the street, which the city will pick up!

Yes, my husband has the best of intentions, trying to get everything in order. He was an electrical contractor, has done a lot of remodeling, and is picky picky!

Again, thank you.

    Bookmark   August 17, 2010 at 1:18PM
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Campanula UK Z8

yes, this is the worst of these situations when you or your family are put in the position where you have to pay someone for what you would have once done yourself. Quite apart from the indignity of shelling out ££££ to idiots, there is the awful suspicion, often borne out by reality, that they are not doing it a fraction as well as you would have done. All sympathies - you really are between a rock and a hard place so heres hoping your boys are up for some serious muscle. tough having strangers about too. glad to hear you can get some time with your family in peace. Hugs, Suzy

    Bookmark   August 17, 2010 at 4:03PM
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holleygarden Zone 8, East Texas

Hugs to you for all you are going through.

We had our house painted last year - what a mess. Now a lot of our porches are also green, one of our doors needs to be repainted, etc. One of them even showed up drunk (we sent him home). It can be very trying and I know you're doing all you can to handle that and be strong for your husband, too.

My heart goes out to you. I will say a little prayer that you and your DH have some relief from all the stress.

    Bookmark   August 17, 2010 at 6:02PM
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AnneCecilia z5 MI

I'm putting down my tissue (because just like Florence your post brought tears to my eyes) to send ((hugs)) your way. In a few days it will be the 1st anniversary of my DH's passing. (He was also an electrical contractor coincidentally!) I am trying now to get things done on this house that we put off because he was not feeling well the last few years. It is really tough because he always did work on the house himself or handled the arrangements with subcontractors he knew, often trading work. And yes, I also am finding it is shockingly expensive to pay to have outsiders do things. I'm glad you are putting off any more work to be done for a while so that you and your dear husband can have privacy and peace while he goes through his treatment. I will keep you both in my thoughts and hope that your DH does very well - and can be back in charge of workmen around the house like I know he must want to be very soon. Meanwhile, treasure every moment together.
Best wishes,

    Bookmark   August 17, 2010 at 6:46PM
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ogrose, you are always so cheerful in your posts. I would never have known you're going through such a hard time. I will be praying for you both that all will be done well and pleasing especially to your husband. His good intentions and plans for your future should be rewarded. It would be wonderful if he could be happy and satisfied with what he has left you, and then you can cherish him all the more for it. Keep us informed and give him a special hug for me. He's doing a great job, and so are you. Hugs.


    Bookmark   August 17, 2010 at 6:57PM
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Embothrium(USDA 8 Sunset 5 WA)

If contractors damage your plants and other property you have hired jerks. Period. There is no need to disregard your plants and other possessions in order to perform work on a structure or other feature.

    Bookmark   August 17, 2010 at 8:08PM
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ingrid_vc so. CA zone 9

I'm so very sorry for everything you're going through now, both personally and with the remodeling. How emotionally draining it must all be for you. I wish you and your husband all the best.


    Bookmark   August 17, 2010 at 11:30PM
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My heart goes out to you both. Illness can be such a trying time for patient and family. I wish a peaceful and pain free time for you and your husband!


    Bookmark   August 17, 2010 at 11:43PM
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catsrose(VA 6)

I tell any workers that I will deduct $100 for every rose and $50 for any other plant they ruin and that if they cannot avoid injuring a plant to tell me first so I can either move it or permit its ruin. I put it in writing and hand it to the boss. I just had a pergola built (to support Cl Cecicle Brunner) over a heavily planted walkway. The boys managed to build it without injuring a single plant. One perennial had to be moved for the post. We carefully dug it out and replanted it. Communication (and threats) work wonders.

    Bookmark   August 18, 2010 at 9:20AM
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You all were so very kind to me last year during my frustrations with remodeling, thought I would bring you up to date :).

First, due to a great doctor, my husband is hanging in there remarkably well, and although weak, feels pretty good.

We hired two Texas good ole boys, father and son, who were taught the trade by Grandpa and they learned how to do it right! They're not cheap, but worth it to have my husband totally happy with their work. No cleanup in my flowerbeds, no constant cellphoning, the drama is gone, they're very unobtrusive and productive - we're happy!

    Bookmark   October 23, 2011 at 8:10PM
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ingrid_vc so. CA zone 9

Great news, ogrose, I'm so happy for you! We all know how hard it is to find good help, and it's great that you found these wonderful guys. Even more importantly, I'm so glad your husband is getting good care and is doing as well as possible.

Best wishes,


    Bookmark   October 23, 2011 at 10:01PM
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lou_texas(8a N Central TX)

ogrose, I'm glad that things are better now for you and your husband. I hope you have many happy days together. I also understand having to hire someone - absent a husband who is able to do it. I may need to hire your duo when the time comes!

Catsrose, thank you for the good idea. I'm hanging on to that one!

    Bookmark   October 24, 2011 at 11:49AM
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Ogrose - so happy to hear that your husband is doing better! Good wishes sent your way that he continues to do so.

And happy that you found contractors who will listen to you. I hate to say it, but "they are not cheap" is probably the point. We had our 3 story Victorian house painted last summer, and certainly the painting contractor was "expensive". However, they showed up every day with a 5 person crew, they were licensed for "lead paint removal" (the last time our house was fully painted was BEFORE they banned lead paint!), they were VERY careful around our 2 dozen roses around the house which had been cut way back and bagged in burlap, and the owner came every day and checked their work. If he did not think it was up to his standards, he re-did it himself personally. We love the result - the whole neighborhood has come by to tell me how much they love it, too.

Coincidentally, on Friday my DH found a small place on the floor of the front porch (actually where the water that runs off when I water all of the pots on the front porch drips over the edge of the porch) where the paint was peeling, and called the owner. This is 1 1/2 years later. The owner called back on Friday, and showed up this morning. He is sending out a crew to re-do not only that one small place, but a large area around it - later this week, of course for free. (They have NEVER not showed up when they said they would.).

My point is, "expensive" is relative - if it is done wrong, or they destroy precious plants, or they make your life miserable, or you find out later it was done wrong and they won't come back - that it not cheap!


    Bookmark   October 24, 2011 at 2:06PM
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Just stopped in to check on you and your DH. Happy to hear things have improved both with the remodeling and your DH health---

I'm sure you are enjoying each day you can share----

thinking of you--


    Bookmark   October 24, 2011 at 3:36PM
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OGR, So sorry to hear about your husband but glad to hear he's hanging in there.

Know that you are in my prayers and know that I for one have no problem with an off topic discussion. I see us as a sort of family. Family is there for each other--listening and helping out as they can.

Feel free to vent but also make sure you keep us updated on how things are going.


    Bookmark   October 24, 2011 at 7:06PM
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sabalmatt_dallas(Z8 Dallas)

OGR- I'm glad the remodeling is going better and that your husband is hanging in there! Remodeling alone is stressful. What part of DFW are you in? I live in n oakcliff.

    Bookmark   October 24, 2011 at 8:40PM
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I'm glad things are going relatively well, and your stress level is manageable. Thanks for the update. I hope the good continues.

    Bookmark   October 25, 2011 at 12:52AM
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iowa_jade(C 5b H 6)

Glad the stress levels are down. Prayers headed your way.

    Bookmark   October 25, 2011 at 7:12PM
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Thanks for all the support, you're a great, supportive bunch and I so appreciate it, certainly have needed it to say the least!

For any that are interested, I live in Carrollton, am happy to share old garden roses cuttings as well as other plants to anyone who is interested; I am interested in cactii, xeroscape plants, etc... just let me know...

    Bookmark   October 25, 2011 at 8:15PM
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hoovb zone 9 sunset 23

So very glad to hear your DH is doing fairly well and that the stress level isn't so high. That's wonderful news.

    Bookmark   October 26, 2011 at 3:01PM
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Thank you for sharing (which is not the same as OT). Renovating is hard enough. I cannot imagine renovating with a DH sick with cancer. Not only old garden roses are tough. Will be thinking of you and your husband with prayers.


    Bookmark   October 26, 2011 at 3:14PM
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