Embarrassment/brain fog

greyandamyFebruary 10, 2012

I've been having a horrible time with lupus/chemo, and fibro. My thinking is so ... off. I placed an order with rare finds nursery, then I added to it the following day. I'm not aware thinking is as bad as it often is. Then I feel it was completely screwed up and too much, so I emailed them twice to apologize, try to consolidate the order while apologizing profusely. I didn't hear anything from them. So I worked up the courage to call them on phone just so they got the order correct. I was very polite, apologetic, and they were nice... though I maybe sensed some irrition... "like, get it right lady".

Then, a week later, debating the order and my present condition of health, I emailed them one last time to take one more small item off the order. It still leaves me with 6 shrubs. I know credit card was charged (they'll reimburse, they are rated highly) but I haven't got the...I'm expecting ... angry email to say, "they are busy, will i please decide".

On their website, they say you can easily change or cancel an order by calling them or emailing them as long as the order hasn't be processed or ready to ship. (this wouldn't come for another month).

Now, as I feel physically worse (things progress so quickly when something goes wrong) and see the money I spent (on SSDI, gotta watch), I'm obsessing that I should just cancel this order until in better health and knowing how/when/not feeling so overwhelmed and sick.

My question, I HATE to do this b/c I'm afraid they'll tell me never to come back. If I could do it simply by email, it would be so much easier for me (my embarassment). I'm tempted to keep the order just b/c, but there's a few things I really don't need. I'm AFRAID to call them again and ask to cancel, as I always speak to the same man. They'll say I'm a PIA and nuts, maybe at this point, due to the health issues/other issues, I am..


Just need support, I'm embarrassed and overwhelmed by other things and this disease in a day can turn around and worsen.

Anyone relate?


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Grey and Amy, it's tough to forget things, and be overwhelmed by it all. Do you have a friend or a relative that can help you get through the rough days.

It's always best to make your plans and set them aside for a day or two so you can go back and ask yourself, "Is this what I really want to do?"

And are you getting enough good food? Whole grain breads, and cereals, dark leafy greens, spinach, swiss chard. Are you taking your B-vitamins and fish oil? They all help keep your brain functioning the best it can. Check with your doctors, or a hospital nutrionist, you have extra nutritional requirements right now.

Gardening is good for us and our souls, and it's ok to ask for some help if it's too much right. Can you get some help from a local garden club? Are you near any gardens or parks so you can get outside and get some fresh air??? Any fresh air and sunlight you can get will help "clear the cobwebs". It seems so simple but we are just like the plants we grow, we need sunlight, fresh air, and food too.

Place your order the best you can, and don't place anymore orders right now. Take care of the garden you have right now, then when you feel better then you can add to it, when the time is better. You will come up with a few new ideas to put into action as you putter around the place!

Take care of yourself, and make it easy as you can for right now, and then you can enjoy more gardening in the future. All the best to you!!!

    Bookmark   February 15, 2012 at 2:11PM
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thanks for the reply. I was so so frustruated that day, I've killed so much in my garden by brain fog, etc... later I regretted posting but ....

I need to make plans (brains so foggy) and set them aside a week)...smile

As for mail orders, some were nice, one was rude...

Nutrtions bad, docs aware but it's not there biggest concern... dropping wt like nuts but they say it happens... extremely anemic (could use transfusionn but its very risky) so that's affecting thinking, and meds..

I get outsside when I can, the wind and cold is rough but it's nearing it's end. I just... used to "have it"... or have it enough to manage it... and now it seems my love is falling apart...

    Bookmark   February 16, 2012 at 6:36PM
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Amy, I'm sorry you are feeling bad. Do you have a good friend close by that checks up on you? Do you have any family that can help you out?

It is good that spring is right around the corner.

I don't know where you are in Pennsylvania. What large city do you live by so I can get an idea of what kind of weather you have.

Don't worry about posting, this is a great section of Gardenweb, where we can help each other get ideas on how to make our lives better, and figure how best to garden.

I need to read more here because my Mom and Dad both have had a stroke in the past year.

Both my parents love to garden, Dad likes his tomatoes, and vegetables, and Mom likes her flowers and wants some pretty roses. I need to learn how to help them take care of their garden.

You can be any age when you need some help, I want you to be to find some good people near where you live so you can enjoy life.

Is Grey the name of a cat??? We have 4 cats now, one is on loan for this next year. Don't get too worried about your garden, right now it seems that you are the most important one right now.

Is there a community center that you can go for lunch? CAn you sign up for Meals on Wheels? Maybe there is a nurse there that can help you find a better doctor.

Make sure you get plenty of water to drink, that really does help with memory. Some days are better than others, but every day is special, it was good just to hear from you again.

On the way back from the post office today, I saw a group of 12 turkeys. They are the big black wild ones. they are eating the fresh green wheat growing in the fields right now. The sun was starting to go down, and their backs were shiny in the sunlight.

Take it one step at a time, and don't worry. Your friend.

    Bookmark   February 16, 2012 at 7:28PM
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Belgianpup(Wa/Zone 7b)

Don't feel bad about rude, obnoxious people. It's their problem, not yours. I'll bet they make plenty of mistakes, all by themselves!

If your doctor has been taking some blood samples, ask him what your magnesium and Vit. D levels look like. Nearly everyone in America is deficient in magnesium because of the poor nutrient value of our food these days.

I was talking to a woman who has fibro, and she said her doctor has put her on 1,000 mg of magnesium. She said the main problem is that it keeps her near the bathroom. (Remember Milk of Magnesia? That's magnesium, too) I suggested she drop back to a low dosage for a bit and then increase it gradually.

But don't just start taking big doses of it, as I heard that the magnesium, calcium, Vitamin D and boron need to need to be taken in balanced amounts. For instance, if you take calcium, it can flush out the magnesium when you need it the most.

Regular doctors seem to be pretty ignorant about nutrition -- I don't think they study that in med school. They're big on pills, shots and surgery, and forget (or never knew) that good nutrition can go a long ways toward healing.

Ask around and see if anyone you know (or even your doctor) knows a good nutritionist or naturopathic physician. Don't hide it from your doctor, it's best when they can work together. INSIST! Remember that they're working for you, not vice versa! Sometimes they forget that....

Do what you can do, what you feel like doing, and don't overdo, or it can set you back.


    Bookmark   February 21, 2012 at 11:44PM
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vetivert8(NI-NZ zone 9a)

Hi Amy
About the best thing I know for brain fog times is to ...laugh. I am quite sure that, once upon a time in your past life, you used to be a very together person. It's a bit shocking to find yourself standing in a supermarket (as I have) not only wondering which store I'm in, but even which town, and why am I there anyway???!

If fibro and lupus are new to you brain fog can seem highly scary. Well, it is, in the early days. After a while you can see it coming on and take precautions, such a leaving yourself notes. Or going through a routine to calm your mind. Autogenic relaxation works well for me. I was put on that by the occupational therapist at the hospital, so it's pretty mainstream.

And remember - those folk at the rare plants place will just be so glad that people are still buying! Even if you're as daft as a loon (and you're not) your money is still good.

If you think a white lie would help, for now, you can always blame the chaos on a mythical friend who's a serious ditherer, forever changing her mind, if you have to call them again!!! Or simply confess you're under serious stress at the moment, would they please be patient. Most people are either decent or indifferent rather than outright hostile.

If the chemo is knocking you about so you can't bear the thought of food - ask your doctor for a referral to a dietitian ASAP. You might need to go on to smoothies so you can get nutrients in quickly. And, if magnesium/potassium comes up as a supplement - look for magnesium malate. It's a bit kinder to your digestive system. Also, if you like them, avocadoes can be helpful. Good vitamin E and very digestible.

Meantime, there are six shrubs coming, along with spring. Hope the warmer weather brings you quiet times in the garden, pain relief and peace of mind. (It doesn't stay this bad. Truly. The more you find out about the way you are the better you can 'use your spoons'.)

BTW - you might want to check out this blog, if you haven't already:
She has lupus - and explains about the 'spoon theory'. You're not alone at all. :-))

    Bookmark   February 27, 2012 at 3:20AM
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RAD brain fog here from time to time, and yes, I have done things like this. I figure, if I'm polite about it, it's no problem. But there is never ever any excuse for someone to be rude to you. We have all been in situations where we've had to deal with people like US that are irritating, and, so what. Life is irritating sometimes.

vetivert is right, though. It can really be scary. I thought, omg, it's alzheimer's or a brain tumor or something. I am on my 9th week now of trying to remember my favorite author! But I am on a support page on fb for RAD and I listed the symptoms I was having, and yes, almost every single one of them had the same problem. Mine is a lot better now, because my meds are working, so I do blame the fog on the autoimmune disorder, and not on the meds, but some folks have different results, and feels as if the mtx causes theirs.

I would just make a decision and stick with it, and then tell them this is your decision. If you are afraid to do these plants, and I KNOW how that feels, have canceled so many things because I was afraid of flares and such, call a nursery that's local to you and talk to them about getting some help from them. The nursery I use will plant my stuff for free if I buy it from them (well, one of the workers will), but I make sure to pay her anyway. Many of them will do it for very cheap, just to make some extra cash after work or on weekends that they don't have to claim. Local nurseries seem to attract the best people on the planet, I think. :)

No, you're not alone. There are millions of us. My favorite site is the Rheumatoid Arthritis Warrior site. No, RA and Lupus aren't exactly the same, but so so similar. Anyway, I hope you get what you want, and that it helps you smile.

    Bookmark   April 12, 2012 at 10:42PM
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