I do have value as a human being, even with a mental illness.
I have struggled with trying to feel the least bit worthy of being alive some days. It's bad enough to feel this way about myself, it is far worse to have other people tell you that you are somehow a threat, a menace to society because of something you didn't ask for and don't want. Believe me when I say my experience has been the most degrading and dehumanizing thing I have been through.
Once in a while, I can feel good about myself for a few minutes. And if I can help someone else I feel even better.
Yesterday was very nice here, hazy sun and 58 degrees. To hold on to the vestigial remnants of my mind, I exercise a lot. Cycling is my big thing, it is a few hours of freedom when no one knows I am a " mental defective" as the archaic but still used term goes. I ride as much as I can, put in the better part of 2000 miles since Labor Day.
So, cycling through one of my favorite, enormous subdivisions, and I stopped for water and to take off a layer. This vehicle pulls up along side ... can I ask you a few questions ....
The guy is a cop who lives in the sub, he said he has noticed me riding all the time, and that I've lost a lot of weight (45 lbs) and look good.
He had a lot of questions, he was pretty heavy and said it was imperative he lose a lot of weight, because it is a problem on the job.
So, I told him what I've done, told him he could get a free weeks pass to my gym, and who to talk to if he was interested in joining and/or one of the organized fitness groups or in personal training.
Best traffic stop I ever had.
At least I had a few minutes of peace. It's gone now and I feel pretty low. Have the satisfaction of knowing maybe I helped the man in some tiny way.
This post was edited by denninmi on Sun, Jan 13, 13 at 15:41