Can the HT group help me, I need some advice.
Sorry to post another deeply personal post, I apologize in advance if this is inappropriate to the purposes of the forum.
Here's the latest question - do you think I made a mistake by seeking out mental health treatment?
Because it sure feels like it right now. This experience has been one giant fiasco from day one. August 20, 2012, 12:30 pm, in my lunch break, sitting in my car in the parking lot, under the shade of a linden, I called the psychiatrist who treated me long enough to make me feel like the scum of the earth, some kind of criminal. And sentenced me to the psych ward. It was all a bitter pill to swallow. I know this sounds incredibly arrogant, but I just kept thinking "this don't supposed to happen to educated guys from good communities". It does, of course, like some middle aged guy in denial he could have blocked arteries, that feeling of not me, until he had his first heart attack.
It's been such a mess. My family hates me, they don't understand what is going on and think I'm a different guy, mysterious, aloof, moody. I guess I am. I just blew through $34,000 paying bills I never would have had if this hadn't happened, and I still owe about $20k on a MC and a Discover. It was partly medical, all of the things my insurance didn't cover. But in all honesty, I went on an enormous shopping bender, because frankly it was a form of self-medication, made me feel better short term. Long term - not so good.
Most of all, though, the entire guns versus mentally ill thing has me really spooked. I am afraid the state will go way beyond just ensnaring the dangerously mentally I'll. I think they are going to cast a very wide net, and use the data almost like a credit score. Who knows who will get access - for example, will I end up on the no-fly list. Or, if I get a traffic stop, will the cop freak out and go all rougue on me if he sees my name on the MI database? My diagnoses are down on paper in black and white, not sure how secure that info is.
I talked to my therapist yesterday at length about this. Her take, naturally, was I am overreacting. Which, of course, I am. But I am still really upset about all of this. The "lose sleep over it" kind of worry.
I just want to go back to the way things used to be before this happened, which is of course impossible.