Behind every great Hoya nut...

greedygh0stJune 29, 2012

If you searched this forum for the term DH you would uncover thousands of offhand remarks about the brave men, women, children and pets who stoically endure our Hoya drama.

Sometimes we argue with them.

Sometimes we barter with them.

Sometimes we use deception and intrigue to sneak plants over the border and assimilate them before they are detected.

Sometimes they are co-conspirators in our planty adventures.

Sometimes they have strange ideas about alternative functions for windows.

I thought it would be fun to just straight up ask you guys what your significant other or family thinks of your Hoyas. How you negotiate terms. What they like /dislike about your hobby. If they ever lend a hand. Whether they think you are cute or uncute, with your green friends. How many seconds it takes from the moment the word Hoya comes out of your mouth till the moment their eyes glaze over. That kind of thing.

You know how to answer this thread. Tell us about the other people in your Hoyas' lives.

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My family includes a husband, and three sons, from ages 20 - 12. 3 of the 4 are jocks. The 4th is 20 and pretty much thinks the only reason I exist is to feed him. I wanted to give the background, so you understand where the answers are coming from.

How you negotiate terms.

We don't really negotiate, in the sense we don't have to. He likes me to be happy and it makes me happy to have all my plants. I will say that I am reasonable in my expenditures though. And what I spend on plants doesn't come close to what my hubby spends on his hobby.

What they like /dislike about your hobby.

They like when I'm happy because I'm not picking at them. When I get frustrated with them (mostly the boys), I go out back, walk around my plants and take a breather. So while they may not fully realize it, they somewhere know that the plants keep me reasonable to them.

If they ever lend a hand.

Yes, my youngest boy takes care of my plants when I'm traveling for work (almost every week) - although I do pay him for it. But if a flower opens while I'm gone and he notices, he will send me a text. And he knows they are important to me, so he does a pretty good job.

Also the middle boy usually gives me about an hour every weekend with some big chore relating to the plants. Whether it is cutting down mounts, drilling holes in mounts or pots, moving benches around....

Whether they think you are cute or uncute, with your green friends.

My hubby thinks it is cute... my boys think I'm embarassing.

How many seconds it takes from the moment the word Hoya comes out of your mouth till the moment their eyes glaze over.

Seconds lol don't you mean milliseconds?

But I do have to admit, when I pick up a plant to bring it in and show it off, they will stick their nose in it, and ooh and ahh while rolling their eyes.

Finish up with a paraphrased conversation me and my hubby have every once in a while...

He goes "honey, we have some extra money this month, why don't you go ahead and place another plant order?"

Me - I don't respond cause I'm running to the computer. lol


    Bookmark   June 29, 2012 at 1:13PM
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Haha. Milliseconds. I stand corrected. Sometimes I feel like they can sense I am about to say Hoya, as they desperately start signaling to the bartender for another round.

Your response triggered so many happy awwwws, but my favorite is how your youngest will send you txts to let you know something is blooming. Just having a family member notice a plant without prodding is a major coup, in my book!

    Bookmark   June 29, 2012 at 2:53PM
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my husband hates all my plants but loves me so he puts up with it. i really didnt want me to have any at all, but then one day we sat down and i explained to him that im a stay at home mom with no transportation when hes at work and no hobby of my own. my big hobby used to be crocheting but now with kids its pretty much impossible unless im working on a small project that i can pick up and put down all the time. it gets to be too much when im stuck at home every day and i have the option of cleaning or tending to kids and thats it... im sorry but im not only a mom but a woman and my own person too and i need something for myself! now my husband understands and says if it makes me happy i can have my plants, hes even going to help me turn a room in our finished walk-up attic into a grow room for the winter. he still could care less, i try and tell him something about my plants and i get like 2 words out and hes already walking into another room to show how little he cares. he does really like the fact that ive made friends on here and that im able to socalize a little bit. my children are far too young to really care about my plants (my oldest being 3 and youngest being 1) but when my son sees me looking at pictures of hoyas or other plants he will yell "no more plants mommy!" because he hears my husband say it all the time. the only way im able to get plants into the house is if they are cuttings or sent to me as trade or gift, because then im not spending money on them and hes happy. he will not allow me to purchase any plants, if i want this as my hobbie i have to figure it out myself and it better not cost money that we dont have... sorry that turned into kind of a rant and rave there...

    Bookmark   June 29, 2012 at 2:55PM
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I feel this is going terribly wrong! ~ Mary

    Bookmark   June 29, 2012 at 3:25PM
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sorry, i vent to you guys cause i have no one else to vent to... that means i loves u guys! lol

    Bookmark   June 29, 2012 at 3:31PM
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lol Mary ;)

Amber, to me, you guys sound like a typical 20-something couple. Especially the line where you describe him walking out of the room to show how little he cares. I remember doing that a lot 10 years ago. Mostly in response to "hilarious" youtube clips. Now, I regret it, but my learning curve wasn't very fast at the time, and I didn't realize how a million incidents of dismissive behavior can add up.

It sounds like you guys are both just stressed, which I hear is normal for parents of young children. But he's figured out the same thing as Renee's family: that plants help you manage your stress, which makes you more fun to live with. Does he have a hobby that he invests in to keep himself sane?


My guy is really sweet about Hoyas. He feeds off my enthusiasm and is amused by my happy chatter. When I have a trade going, I'll show him pictures of all the plants I am expecting and he gives me feedback about which one is his favorite and what he finds striking. I'll give him updates on forum debates and describe different collectors and their personalities. I'll provide long unsolicited explanations of stuff like the distinction between cumingiana and densifolia. And he calmly soaks it all up. He actually remembers it later. Well, he remembers everything later, which isn't always a good thing when I'm trying to win an argument. jk ;)

In case you are wondering whether I lucked into a relationship with a fellow plant nut, I did not. He's just generous and easy going. He'll even watch girlie Korean soap operas with me, and that is really pushing it with most red blooded American men.

On the flip side, I game with him and am perfecting pho, so it's not all one way. :P

    Bookmark   June 29, 2012 at 5:05PM
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with the weird hours he works he really doesent get a chance to have any hobbies... one hobbie of ours that will be a hobbie for ever is collecting music, we are music nerds and always will be... around tax time every year we start hunting for that rare vinyl that we have wanted for ever, two years ago i spent like $30 on a Mr. Bungle vinyl that there were only like 750 of them made, a year before that i spent $50 on a sleep record on vinyl that there were only 250 of them made. but we still love to listen to music when ever we can, even though for some of it its best when the kids are asleep. mike also really loves pro wrestling, but not only the big company like WWE but also from much smaller promotions, so when he gets a chance he will work on his wrestling dvd collection. also hes been collecting old punk rock magazines, he grew up in the punk scene and a lot of the magazines hes started collecting he used to have when he was a teenager so its nastalgic (im sure i didnt spell that right, oops). its really not bad around here, we love eachother very much, this is just one of the things that i like that he doesent care about, i get the same way when he starts talking about wrestlers from some tiny promotion and i have no clue who they are. luckily we have WAY more in common than not so there are very few times that we dont get along. oh and back to him walking out of the room when i start talking about plants... i dont think he knowingly does it, i thik hes gotten so good at tuining me out when its something hes not interested in he doesent realize that hes being that rude, lol. oh and my husband has watched both glee and greys anatomy with me, not without him complaining some or making fun of one of the characters (which can be quite entertaining on its own, lol). i also love to cook and my husband will watch all sorts of cooking shows with me and even enjoys it (we have been watching a lot of Alton Brown and iron chef america)

    Bookmark   June 29, 2012 at 5:36PM
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kittee(8 Portland, OR)

I have a lot of hobbies, and my husband is pretty hobbyless, but he is super supportive of everything I like to do. He will come see a flower when I ask him to, but he doesn't really get too much out of it. He really doesn't like clutter, so I am trying to be super careful about keeping the plants looking nice and not too overwhelming. It probably helps that we live in PDX, so there are only a few windows in the house worth stockpiling with plants...


    Bookmark   June 29, 2012 at 11:37PM
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kittee(8 Portland, OR)

Oh, also Greedyghost, Pho!!! Yum. I love Vietnamese food so much, although I make mine vegan (Pho Chay).


    Bookmark   June 29, 2012 at 11:38PM
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My hubby is easy going about my hoyas.He learned a very long time ago to not say to much about them.I do get the eye rolling when I get him to come a see some small mile stone.
When I need something made for my hoyas he will make or help me buy it.One time I was telling him that I needed to have more air movement around my hoyas during the winter months.He went out and got 5 computer fans and got them all set up all blowing on the hoyas.
He even said he will build me a small green house next spring.
The couple times I have gone out of town without him,he has video called me to show me my hoyas if he thinks one of them are showing signs of stress so I can tell what to do.
I will be away for the whole month of aug and I am sure I will get a few calls about my hoyas.But he will call about my 5 pets also,so I guess hes a

    Bookmark   June 30, 2012 at 1:30AM
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We are with the two of us at home, always together for the last 3 years, I already was on an invalide payment the last 11 years, and now Mart, my DH, is also suffering with chronic Lyme disease, just like me. I'm gonna be 48 in august and Mart recently became 50, so that's a bit about the circumstances here. We also are in a fight at court with the goverment instances to get Mart on an invalide payment, and another case to get his payments from his late boss from the last 8 years. So, we have a lot on our mind and a lot of stress, but we have no struggle at all when it comes to be together or the Hoya's. Mart enjoys them as much as I do, the only thing he is scared for is that I make it to hard on myself caring for all the plants.It became too much and then he suggested to care for them in parts, so now I have 4 days caring for a different room, and that works great!He is also a great help with the shelves and last week I ordered two led -grow lamps,( only 6.5 watt! & 400-450 lumen), he is gonna hang them for me,so in the dark wintermonths the plants don't have to suffer that much. Mart is a guitarplayer in a band, I love to listen to him, and a few weeks ago the singer asked me to write a text, and I made one about plants:-)Nothing genius,and I wonder if he understands where it's about,lol!So we are both very happy with eachothers hobby's!

    Bookmark   June 30, 2012 at 8:11AM
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kittie, my husband is exactly the same way when it comes to hating clutter... he said i han have my plants as long as it doesent get cluttered and over whelming, i have to keep everything neat and tidy and organized. i wish he was a little more into at least listening a little bit to what i wanna tell him, when i have something to say about them, but my dad was the same way with my mom so its no big deal.

    Bookmark   June 30, 2012 at 9:19AM
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My boyfriend is pretty darn tolerant of my plants in general. He jokes about not being able to move in my small apartment which is not far from the truth. He does realize that plants are a big stress reliever for me so he leaves me alone. He plays his video games, I tend to my plants.

Most of my Hoyas are enjoying the blazing hot Philadelphia weather and have been growing very well. When I bring them in for the winter, I will let you know how he tolerates them. ;)

GG, are you Asian? I'm half Chinese. :)

    Bookmark   July 1, 2012 at 12:29AM
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My Hubby doesn't mind my plants, in fact, he's learned the scientific names of some already (maybe that's a hint I talk too much about plants)! He has his own hobby that he talks about frequently with me (computer games... told me years ago when we first started dating he'd be playing them until he was 90) so he wouldn't have much room to talk hehe. No kids here, just a four-legged-spoiled-furball of a dog.


    Bookmark   July 1, 2012 at 9:19AM
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My DH had his share of plant mania when we just met; we collected cacti (in northern European window sill) and he ordered whole bunch of seeds... Some 20+ years later his younger sister is very devoted cacti grower, and big part of her collection are his seedlings all grown up and blooming for years! Now he has other hobbies and I have my hoyas, beading and other crafts. Although he is getting used to my requests for Hoyas as gifts for all occasions (what shows how important plants are for me at this time), he manages to surprise me with crazy comments about my hoyas! Yesterday, after my request to look at, and take a picture of opening cummingiana I got: you want picture of it? It looks same as the carnosa you showed me another day! Same?! If not anything else one is green another is pink! LOL. I guess man needs to grow hoyas to see the difference! He helps with shelves and ceiling hooks, and knows that I need to have "change of scenery" after work, and cooking diner doesn't count! My 15 years old daughter finds them cute, and rest of the gang (cat and dog) totally ignore all this green stuff hanging around!


    Bookmark   July 1, 2012 at 9:13PM
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My DH likes my hoyas, the only thing he doesn't agree is how much money I spend with them!

He thinks I shouldn't spend as much as I do!

    Bookmark   July 2, 2012 at 10:00AM
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@ Amber

It does sound like you have more in common than not. Maybe if you can remember major wrestlers, he will eventually learn major Hoyas. xD I have to say, punk rock and wrestling is an unexpected combination, for me.

@ Kittee

I try to keep my plants orderly looking, but after you surpass a certain quantity the effect is nowhere close to the monastic simplicity that many neat freaks adore. I'm thinking I probably need to slow down and focus on order for a while. There always seem to be a couple of bark pieces on the floor.

I learned everything I know about cooking from a vegan, so I also am most happy with Pho Chay.

@ Cindy

I've often thought about installing computer fans around my plants. You are lucky!!

@ Ingrid

I am so sorry to hear about your legal battles. To add such stress onto your existing condition must be tough. I hope things get better for you, soon. I have had such a fear of Lyme disease for many years, because I have a close friend who suffered under very extreme symptoms. Even with friends he seemed "alone in a crowd" and though he never complained, it hurt me to see how abnormal his life had become. Happily, after all this time, they have finally had some success with some treatments and his life is much better. So, now I feel more hopeful. There are several others in the Hoya community with this diagnosis, so you're not alone even here!

My favorite sentence you wrote was "So, we have a lot on our mind and a lot of stress, but we have no struggle at all when it comes to being together or the Hoyas." I couldn't help but smile. If you have that, everything else becomes easier. :)

@ goddess

lol @ your boyfriend. Having a sense of humor about our addiction is a good way to go. I actually think the video game/plant care dynamic probably works really well, because both are very absorbing activities that take up a couple hours, but you can still be around each other.

No, sadly I'm not. My guy's Vietnamese - that's how I got hooked on the Pho. ;)

@ Planto

I look forward to the day when 90 year olds are dominating the MMORPG scene. That would actually be a retirement home people might enjoy. ;) And they could totally own the real money auctionhouse!

@ Aggie

I just realized you're saying your husband took that nice photo for you. Does he snap all your Hoya pics? That's doing his part!

@ Mitzi

Yes... this is why I fear the onset of joint checking accounts...

    Bookmark   July 2, 2012 at 5:58PM
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pirate_girl(Zone7 NYC)

Excuse me pls. but what is "MMORPG"?

    Bookmark   July 2, 2012 at 6:35PM
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MMORPG stands for "Massively multiplayer online role-playing game." So... it's a game like Worlds of Warcraft or Diablo 3 or my personal favorite, Final Fantasy XI, where there is a storyline and you level your character by roaming around the game universe fighting monsters.


    Bookmark   July 2, 2012 at 6:56PM
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Two Diablo III players here and former WOW players. ;)


    Bookmark   July 2, 2012 at 6:58PM
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greedyghost#1876 ;)

    Bookmark   July 2, 2012 at 7:05PM
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omg i loved all of the final fantasy games!!!! until i had kids and couldnt spent like 20 hours playing at a time, lol. oh and i do know all the major wrestlers cause i like wrestling too... its the smaller promotions... and i know some of you see wrestling and think... 'oh wow that fake stuff?' well we are one of the proud few that realize that yes it is "fake" the actual werstling isint fake (at least like 80% of it isint, there are kicks and slaps that are fake though) but we understand that it is sports entertainment and is meant to kind of be like a soap opera with wrestling... all the story lines are fake, who wins the match is all ready decided before the shows even start, and sometimes weeks ahead of time. but its fun to try and figure out what is going to happen next in a story line, and a lot of the actual wrestling is pretty good... omg im sorry i just got waaaayyyyy off topic here, lol. i do agree that punk rock and wrestling dont really go together, unless your from the binghamton ny area.... we also arent just into punk... we also reallt like, blues, jazz, zydeco, bluegrass, reggae, ska, various different types of rock, underground rap and hip hop, shoegazer, old emo before it was called emo, and many many more that i just cant continue listing... ok wicked sorry i got way off topic, lol.

    Bookmark   July 2, 2012 at 8:49PM
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Heh, that's still cool. ^^

I wish my computer wasn't almost 4 years old so I could play D3. :( I loved Diablo 2 so much.


    Bookmark   July 2, 2012 at 10:06PM
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