OT I'm off to California

Ament(5a SD)November 4, 2011

Oy! It's been so hectic for me lately.

I'm off to California tomorrow. My mother has been diagnosed with Cancer. I will be gone for two weeks.

I'm bringing my mother home with me for treatment. =D She wants to live here with me while she goes through treatment. She said her two week visit here with us was so happy that she needs to be HERE instead of at her own home so she can deal with this.

I cannot express just how happy hearing that made me. So, I will make the trip to bring my mom home. Then we will make this journey together. Where ever it takes us. I know it will be a long road ahead, a tough one, but we will make this trip together. =) And that means so much to me, having her here with me.

So now I'll be so busy it'll be hectic as all get out, but I will make the effort to return here, as often as I can. I know I will require -me- time. So I will devote time to my hobbies as well as my mom. It'll just be less time here on the message boards. =) But I'll pop in whenever I can.

I just didn't want to be here one day, then Poof! Gone the next for awhile leaving you all wondering where I was. =)

Bright Blessings All!

~Tina

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patrick51(5)

Tina, best wishes to you and your mother. I sincerely hope things work out well for your mother. Thanks for informing us of your absence and sparing us worrying about you while you're gone. God Bless you and your mom. Fondly, Patrick

    Bookmark   November 4, 2011 at 5:59PM
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moonwolf_gw

Hi Tina,

I'm very sorry to hear what your mother's going through. You, your mother and your family DEFINITELY have my support :). We'll miss you and be anxiously awaiting for you to come back. *HUGS*

Brad AKA Moonwolf

    Bookmark   November 4, 2011 at 6:33PM
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poseidon24(9)

Hi Tina, my heart goes with you as you take this journey with your mom. I know how it can be as I have taken a similar one myself with my mother. Take care, we will miss you but our hearts will be with you !

poseidon

    Bookmark   November 4, 2011 at 6:50PM
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bama_gardener(8b)

Tina, your mother is blessed to have a daughter who will share such a difficult journey with her. I shared a similar time with my mother years ago with very good results. Please keep us posted with progress reports if possible.
Beverly

    Bookmark   November 4, 2011 at 7:22PM
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pirate_girl(Zone7 NYC)

Well Tina,

Sorry to learn of such a difficult situation, but am glad for you that you & your Mom have each other to go through it together. That can really help & be a source of strength.

Your 'me time' will be particularly important (my Dad was gravely ill on & off for years), so we'll keep an eye out for you when you CAN come by & talk Hoyas.

Sending healing vibes your way.

(PG) Karen

    Bookmark   November 4, 2011 at 7:51PM
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puglvr1(9b central FL)

Tina, I'm so very sorry, its wonderful you and your Mom have each other for moral support. You're a good daughter and I'm sure your Mom is very glad to have you go through this very difficult time with her. Prayers and blessings on your trip. Have a safe journey!

    Bookmark   November 5, 2011 at 7:53AM
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Mairzy_Dotes(zone 10)

Tina...so sorry to hear of this difficult time for you. Be strong for your Mom. There are so many advances in medicine today, it is really encouraging to fight the best possible fight. Maybe there will be a hopeful rainbow for you both soon. Will add you to my prayers. Please check back in as often as you can & let us know how you are.
Hugs,
Marcy

    Bookmark   November 5, 2011 at 1:38PM
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mitzicos(11)

Tina,

I face this problem with my mom for 7 years. You must be as strong as possible, and just think about the present, the day of today, this helps a lot.

Good luck for her and be strong

Mitzi

    Bookmark   November 5, 2011 at 2:07PM
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lalla62

tina,my thoughts are with you and your mom .....
the strength and courage for you..

grazia.

    Bookmark   November 5, 2011 at 4:50PM
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eileen44_gardener(4 Central Vermont)

Tina... You're obviously a very special person, and your mom is very lucky to have you to care for her.. and for you to know that she wants to have you there with her as she goes on this "journey." My thoughts and prayers are with you both... let us know how things are going.. you have lots of friends here.. stop in when you can... "we'll keep the candles burning for you"... Eileen

    Bookmark   November 5, 2011 at 9:15PM
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ima_digger

Tina, I'm so sorry to hear about your Mom. You are so lucky to still have her around. I lost my mother to heart disease when I was 22 yrs. old. I'll be praying for you and your mother. I hope she has a quick recovery.

    Bookmark   November 7, 2011 at 7:04PM
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Ament(5a SD)

Ok, I am back from California.
Not a good trip at all.

Sad news, Small cell cancer. My mother did not survive. She passed on November 17th. At 1:05 AM. It has been a rough road for me.

Dec. 9th or somewhere around there, my mothers ashes arrive, so that when my sister arrives, she and I can go into the Black Hills and spread my mothers ashes. My mothers last wishes were to have this done. Any idea how hard it is to sit there and tell your mother good bye, to tell her it is Okay, that she can die and we will be Okay? Good gods, even typing this out to share with you, my friends, is painful. However, it is also cathartic to do so. And so, I do it. Knowing I need to do it. Otherwise, it will eat at me.

So now I ask you to share my pain, my burden of loss. Knowing it will help me, just a little bit. To overcome that hurt, that absolute total complete loss of the one person that meant the whole world to me... My Mother.

~With a Major hole in my heart and soul,
Tina Marie

    Bookmark   November 29, 2011 at 3:30PM
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poseidon24(9)

Oh Tina, I am so very sorry and deeply pained to hear such sad news. My journey with my mother, lasted 2 years before ovarian cancer finally took her. I will send the best of my prayers and intentions off towards you. I will also help, as the others here shall, I am sure, to carry the extra pain you cannot bare. Please take care and know that aren't all alone.

Most Fondly

poseidon24 (marco)

    Bookmark   November 29, 2011 at 7:44PM
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luvidaho_2010(5/6)

Tina, I am so sorry for your loss. Telling your mom that it was OK for her to leave you and that you would be all right is one of the most precious gifts you can give a loved one as they struggle at the end of their life journey. The hole in your heart will get smaller with time.
My prayers are with you,
Tami

    Bookmark   November 29, 2011 at 9:03PM
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Ament(5a SD)

Thank you Marco,

I've been trying to keep focused on my Family, my pets and my plants. To try and keep some of the hurt away. Today has just been a real down day. Tears most of the day. =(

I think I will go try and crochet some more on a lovely lap blanket I am working on. Maybe when I get it finished I'll post a photo of it for everyone to see it. =)

Have a good evening everyone.
~Tina

    Bookmark   November 29, 2011 at 9:03PM
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patrick51(5)

Tina, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. My mother, too, died on the 9th of this month, so I understand how terribly heart-wrenching this is...and the pain will never go away. God bless you, Tina...and hang in there. Fondly, Patrick

    Bookmark   November 29, 2011 at 11:57PM
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alba_gardener

Dear Tina, I'm in tears as I write this after reading your post. May God bless you and bring you peace. You are so fortunate to have had a loving relationship with your mom. You're in my thoughts.
alba in Hawthorne, CA

    Bookmark   November 29, 2011 at 11:58PM
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Ament(5a SD)

Patrick, Oh lords, I feel your pain too. I know it is not nearly enough to say I am sorry for your loss. It cannot make up for the loss. Ever. Not ever. Never in this life. I know that. And I am in tears for your loss, as well as my own. It hurts, so very much. I hope you are at peace with things. If you understand me. I am, even if it still hurts terribly. I am at peace, knowing mom no longer hurts so much.

Tami, Alba, Thank you. I truly appreciate it. It has been a terribly rough day today. LoL I thought I had cried myself silly and thought it was 'safe' to come to the boards and update my friends here. Only to find out it was still a very raw wound.

Sometimes it is easy to discuss, other times it brings me to tears where I cannot even speak.

Bright Blessings All
~Tina

    Bookmark   November 30, 2011 at 1:18AM
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mitzicos(11)

Tina,

I don't have the proper words to express my feelings in English, but I know exactly what you're filling, remember that I said to you "be strong"? This is a very complicated disease, I lost my mom of breast cancer in Jan 02, 2011, less than one year, after a seven years battle against this disease.

It was so much painful, see her soffering so much, loosing weight, and dying in front of me, so I know exactly what you're feeling, but keep in mind that the time is a good medicine for those pains, you'll miss her for ever but, you'll cry sometimes, mainly is special moments, but try to keep in mind only the good memories, the best moments, and she will be around with you for ever.
Sorry if I didn't make my feelings clear, it is difficult to write (express) my feelings in English, I don't know the exactly words to use, but I think you understood me (I hope so).

Be strong because she will be with you for ever in your mind and in your hearth, the raw wound will heal itself, times help, believe me! LOL I'm writing to you and crying because I still miss my mom so much..............

Mitzi from Brazil

    Bookmark   November 30, 2011 at 5:24AM
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Ament(5a SD)

Thank you Mitzi,

I understood you, truly I do. Fighting crying yet again. Always, every time I read these posts. LoL It is so difficult to come back here, knowing I am going to discuss this.

Cancer is such a miserable disease. While in California, so many of my Aunts told me they were "proud" of how strong I was being, while I was there. I had to be. I had to be for my siblings, for everyone there. I felt I had to be, because I was the eldest child, it was my job. To be there, to be strong, for everyone. Now that I am home, I am able to not be the "strong" one. To cry at the drop of a hat. LOL Which I have done. I won't lie about that. I am grateful that I can come here, to write out my feelings, to share them with you people here. Even though many of you do not truly know me, you DO know me. If you know what I mean?

Losing my mother has been terribly painful, but I've been down the road of loss before. I've lost a child, I've lost a grandfather and a grandmother. And now a Mother. In that order. Life is harsh, but we learn to cope. We are creatures that can adjust to these kinds of hurts with time and friends to help us.

So, to you, my friends I thank you for the help. =) Some days I will need you to drag my butt through the rotten days kicking and crying. LoL

Much love to you all. ~Tina

    Bookmark   November 30, 2011 at 12:50PM
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ima_digger

Tina, I'm so sorry to hear that your Mom passed. My prayers are offered for her daily. She was lucky to have such a wonderful daughter. You will get thru this trying time. Just remember we are all here for you. God Bless.

    Bookmark   November 30, 2011 at 3:12PM
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Mairzy_Dotes(zone 10)

I am well familiar with loss also. 2 years ago I lost a 19 yr. old grandson from suicide, a sister from a stroke, and a brother from a pulmonary embolism . We cry together on here as when I read of your loss, it reminds me of mine so I cry with you. You might say I feel your pain. My other sister sent me a saying one day which really fits here:
The most painful tears are not the ones that fall from your eyes and cover your face, its the ones that fall from your heart and cover your soul"
So now that you are home, just cry on and cleanse your soul so you can heal.
Hugs,
Marcy

    Bookmark   November 30, 2011 at 6:21PM
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mitzicos(11)

Tina,

Cry as much as you want or need, my mom (as I told before) passed away 11 months ago and I still crying her death! I have a picture of her here in my workstation, she is always with me, supporting me on my journey.

Time is the best medicine for this pain, won't cure you but will relief.

Mitzi

    Bookmark   December 1, 2011 at 9:54AM
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greedygh0st

I'm sorry to be responding to this thread so late, but my sympathies are very much with you during this time of loss. All you can do at times like this is let the waves carry you from one day to another. It's sometimes the loneliest thing in the world to be going through something like this, that locks you in your head with your own very individual reaction, alienated from the rest of your life, even other grievers. I find music helps. Good luck and we're here for you.

    Bookmark   December 6, 2011 at 3:11PM
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Laura_Carnosa

My sincerest condolences, Ament. I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine your pain, but your strength radiates thru your posts...

I've been following this thread since day one, and my heart breaks for you. Stay strong...

LC

    Bookmark   December 12, 2011 at 3:39AM
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tammypie(9)

Ament,

Just read your posts, as I have been busy with life and such. I said a prayer for you and your mother. God is with you always and will comfort you!

TammyPie

    Bookmark   December 25, 2011 at 2:23AM
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