Reliving your childhood, but better. Who has? Who wants to?

denninmi(8a)February 5, 2013

So as to not push the patience of the kind and gracious residents of GW HT, ;-), I won't make this thread a real downer. Just a little bit of background. My childhood was pretty bad -- the best analogy I can make is that it was like growing up in a North Korean gulag. Yes, my father was very abusive, and hated me in particular. So, needless to say, "fun" was in very short supply. Misery, now that flowed like water during a sudden March thaw.

So, I'm doing all of these "crazy" things now I never got to do (no, not THAT kind of crazy, just out of my comfort zone, often by far). Running. Cycling. Backcountry skiing. Snowshoeing. Playing basketball (very, very badly) with some guys at my gym. Inviting people out to dinner to just talk about nothing in particular. Just talking to people in general, being outgoing was never my thing, and I never felt very comfortable around many people. Going to see a movie. Buying albums (well, digital downloads) of all of the crazy music I wanted to listen to but didn't (Korean or Irish rap, anyone?). Going shopping (ok, gotta kinda cut back on that one before my Mastercard really does explode).

I have some future goals as well. I want to do the military-style fitness training course at my gym by the fall. I want to take swimming lessons in the summer, since I never learned to swim. I also would like to take minimal contact boxing lessons. One thing I really want to do, a 2014 goal, is to learn to play softball and maybe find a community league to join. I know zilch about the rules, I just know that it was one of the few things I did get to do in PE that I enjoyed oh, so many, many years ago.

So, I kind of get to have a "do-over" in a lot of ways. It's rather exhilarating, actually. I highly recommend getting in touch with your inner child, and asking him or her "what do you really want to do?"

So, is there something your inner child wants to do?

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pnbrown

If anybody got through childhood without abuse I'd be interested to know about it.

I had a kid by age 20 so hoping to experience a little neo-childhood type thing before it's over.

    Bookmark   February 5, 2013 at 3:12PM
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chisue

Have you taken that little child into your arms and comforted him? Have you listened to him? Can you promise to protect and love him -- while you show him how to trust himself and have fun?

    Bookmark   February 5, 2013 at 3:13PM
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kwoods(Cold z7 Long Is)

Yes. I'm "reliving" my childhood to a certain degree but in a different way.

I have two kids. They have lots of friends. I enjoy interacting with them and getting to know their pals, taking them places, doing activities with them. I'm flattered that all these kids have gotten the misimpression that I'm the "cool dad". I just never had much fun when I was their age so I'm enjoying being their accomplice.

I also truly believe that if you can reach kids in a meaningful way, say the right thing at the right time, set a good example, you can change their lives for the better. I see myself in a lot of these kids, their lives aren't too different from my own, some much harder and I want them to have some of the stuff I missed out on.

My inner child plays well with others.

    Bookmark   February 5, 2013 at 3:15PM
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woodnymph2_gw

When I was a child, I was forced to take piano lessons, which I hated. I always had wanted to study classical ballet. When I was in my early thirties, my dream came true, as I took several ballet classes each week at a new studio nearby. I kept in shape that way for several decades and have never regretted a moment. Now, I have moved on to yoga. When I lived in Virginia, there was a large forest behind my house. I relived happy moments from my childhood by wandering for hours along wooded trails, camera in hand, enjoying the flora and fauna. (A sort of moving meditation).

    Bookmark   February 5, 2013 at 3:21PM
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fancifowl(5Pa)

Boy, its sad to hear you had such a tuff child hood. I hate to hear those stories.
I had a wonderful childhood. Father had a small steel plant, mother taught at the college across the street.We lived in a small town and had a farm 5 miles out for the horses and such. We hunted, played in the woods and creeks,swam at the lake. Every body knw everybody.
I dont care to go back, I do think about the times tho with fondness. I am still doing new things. Ive started several small businesses and just experiencwed a lot of great things. I might wish I'd done some things differently, but looking back wont get me ahead.
I am doing exactly what I want to be doing. I guess thats what Ive always done.

I taught myself to play piano, then mom thought lessons would be beneficial, I lost interest. Shoulda kept at it.

    Bookmark   February 5, 2013 at 4:08PM
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labrea_gw

Some lousy childhoods produce great creativity as the scab or counter reaction others just produce another generation of the same. People often seem to applaud the creative response the shy day dreamer becomes actor comic write painter as a get away from the pain. Hmnn.

This post was edited by labrea on Tue, Feb 5, 13 at 17:27

    Bookmark   February 5, 2013 at 5:09PM
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fouquieria(10b)

I want to take swimming lessons in the summer, since I never learned to swim.

My parents divorced when I was in 2nd grade. My dad got me and my brother in the summer and on most weekends. Before he became a school principal, he was a school teacher. So in the Summer he was a local plunge lifeguard. He'd get a family season pass...so basically we lived at the pool in the summer. He was also a fabulous diver. Consequently I cannot remember not being able to swim and I became a pretty good diver myself. Years later after my mom remarried, we moved to a place a half a block from the beach. Even now at my age, I have kids come up to me and ask how I got so good at body surfing. (On some big wave days, I can still take them in all the way to shore.)

Every kid should learn how to swim.

-Ron-

    Bookmark   February 5, 2013 at 5:37PM
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terrene(5b MA)

My childhood was okay, some issues, my mother was a harsh disciplinarian, but corporal punishment was the norm back then. I was always quite driven towards independence, so childhood was something to endure until you got to adulthood and got to live your OWN life.

However, like Kwoods, I did enjoy doing some things with my son, like the playground, sports, Scouts, travel, etc. That was like being a kid again.

Sorry to hear about your Dad, denni, hope you are enjoying yourself some now!

    Bookmark   February 5, 2013 at 5:44PM
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jodik_gw

I had what most folks would describe as an idyllic childhood.

I could have done without the religious indoctrination, but other than that, I had an extremely happy childhood. I wish everyone could have such a great upbringing.

    Bookmark   February 5, 2013 at 6:29PM
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lionheart_gw

My mother was a sour, bitter, manipulative, and sometimes cruelly verbally abusive person, not to mention extremely critical of us throughout our lives. It was episodic - not continuous - and my sister and I eventually figured out not to give her words much weight, and we kept each other engaged in other distractions. Later, we figured out how not to indulge her version of reality, which didn't change much, but we didn't need to be drawn into the manufactured drama.

Thankfully my father kept her largely in check. Sometimes, rarely, he would put her in her place verbally, but I wish he did it more often. He had the patience of Job. If he gave her other distractions, such as an audience of people, that lifted her mood. I strongly suspect she had narcissistic personality disorder ("it's all about me") and perhaps was also a bit of a borderline (always right no matter what, flying into unprovoked rages over imaginary slights or misread events, the problem was everyone else, etc).

But overall we had a "good" childhood. Dad was wonderful, we didn't go hungry, we were warm and clothed and healthy, and we had other great family members to mitigate the disaster that was Mommy Dearest. It's odd, because her brothers and sisters were fun, "normal" people - not a sourpuss in the bunch, which was a great relief when they were around :-)

"So, I kind of get to have a "do-over" in a lot of ways. It's rather exhilarating, actually."

I'm so sorry your Dad was an SOB. A lot of us get one or more terrible parents. :-)

Yes, you get a do-over. It's sad to say, but it's liberating when a semi-monster parent passes on. Now you get to have your own life and do what you like to do. You can try this and that and see what fits. You paid your dues, now have fun.

    Bookmark   February 5, 2013 at 6:38PM
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october17(5chgo)

I had a great childhood. Even after my father died when I was 10. My mom was so close to perfect.

I would go back, just to have my mom again.

    Bookmark   February 5, 2013 at 8:35PM
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momj47(7A)

I had a pretty good childhood, though I wouldn't want to go through it again. I am still doing things I never did as a child and having a great time doing them. Travel, biking, travel, walking, hiking, museums, concerts, art galleries, and doing a lot of them with my grandchildren.

I found my ex-husband more distressing than my parents, took a while to get over him.

    Bookmark   February 5, 2013 at 8:46PM
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marshallz10(z9-10 CA)

I had a childhood of abandonment and neglect, orphanage, foster homes, disinterested family taking me in later. Little Marshie is still in recovery but big Marshall has found his way to a satisfied and untroubled life. That's all I have to say on this OP topic.

    Bookmark   February 5, 2013 at 10:33PM
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blfenton

My childhood is no better and no worse than anyone else's. An alcoholic father who quit drinking when I was about 14 and a mother who went back to school and worked hard to keep us together. Interestingly enough, I see the strength in my father that it took to quit drinking (and stay sober until the day he died) and I see the strength in my mother that it took to work and go to school while raising 6 kids "just in case" she wound up being a single mom. I don't dwell in my childhood, I am an adult and have moved on.

The choices I have made in my life are probably a reflection of my childhood. My husband is at most a social drinker as am I and I am also a stay-at-home mom.

My sister who is 8 years younger than me has always hated our parents. She sees my father as weak for being an alcoholic in the first place and she sees my mother as stupid for staying with my father. She no longer speaks to me because she thinks I failed her as an older sister (whatever) for not protecting her. She hasn't moved on and I feel sad for her. My other sisters do have some issues - one of them married an alcoholic but figured out, after 3 kids, her mistake and dumped him.

We all do what we have to do to survive. I just hope if I have made mistakes as a parent that they are minor ones and that my adult kids will forgive me. (Hope, hope)

    Bookmark   February 5, 2013 at 10:59PM
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marquest(z5 PA)

denninmi, I hate to hear a childhood that was not happy. From your bucket list it sounds like you are finding your inner child just fine. But still (((((HUG)))))

I had a great childhood. I guess the only thing I hated was wearing those ugly buster brown shoes my mother insisted all her girls had to wear so long so we would have cute feet. It worked I have cute little feet and I buy shoes now like a crazy person.

I have 100s of shoes some have not been worn yet. I cannot pass a shoe store without going in and buying shoes.

    Bookmark   February 5, 2013 at 11:13PM
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elvis

"So, is there something your inner child wants to do?"

No regrets about my childhood; I do like to re-visit old haunts, though.

    Bookmark   February 5, 2013 at 11:25PM
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PRO
Brushworks Spectacular Finishes(5)

When I relive my childhood, I shed tears of joy and all the credit goes to my sweet, loving mom and my hardworking, devoted father.

    Bookmark   February 6, 2013 at 6:00AM
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jlhug

My Mother was killed in a car accident when I was five. My Father remarried about a year later. I have few memories of the woman who gave birth to me. But, I rarely think of the woman who raised me as a stepmother. She is my Mother in every way except that she didn't give birth to me.

My childhood was ok - some great memories mixed with some "challenges". My parents were perfectionists. Nothing I did was ever good enough to please them. I'll never forget my Father yelling at me about a report card that wasn't straight A's because he was going to be embarrassed at work the next day when he couldn't brag about my report card. My sisters and I joke that we grew up in a museum. Our house was always perfect just in case someone might stop by. It wasn't a house that ever looked lived in. No, I don't want to go back to those days for any reason.

    Bookmark   February 6, 2013 at 6:18AM
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tobr24u(z6 RI)

No one is guaranteed a perfect childhood or perfect parents as many of us have found out...

    Bookmark   February 6, 2013 at 6:51AM
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jodik_gw

No one is perfect... not our parents, and certainly not us.

I take that into consideration every time I mention my childhood, or my own parenting. I wasn't a perfect child, my parents weren't perfect, and I certainly was not a perfect parent. But I can say that the good far outweighed any bad, and the memories I hold always make me smile.

It does no good to dwell on the past, in my opinion... not when every new day is open to whatever we want to fill it with...

    Bookmark   February 6, 2013 at 7:20AM
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sylviatexas1

"Some lousy childhoods produce great creativity"

just like brain disorders-
If Vincent Van Gogh had been given the choice, would he have picked genius or happiness?

I once talked to a guy whose father had died & whose stepfather used the children as unpaid labor in his plumbing business.

He also beat them & terrorized them.

This guy had every kind of toy in the universe, big truck, big home entertainment system, exquisite woodworking shop, perfect kitchen with every stainless steel thing you can buy.

He told me he was making up for the toys & the childhood he hadn't had when he actually was a child.

    Bookmark   February 6, 2013 at 10:18AM
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demifloyd(8)

clip this post email this post what is this?
see most clipped and recent clippings

Posted by marshallz10 z9-10 CA (My Page) on
Tue, Feb 5, 13 at 22:33

I had a childhood of abandonment and neglect, orphanage, foster homes, disinterested family taking me in later. Little Marshie is still in recovery but big Marshall has found his way to a satisfied and untroubled life. That's all I have to say on this OP topic.

(Hugs to you dear Marshall--now, and hugs for the little boy).

D

    Bookmark   February 6, 2013 at 11:12AM
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Brushworks Spectacular Finishes(5)

It does no good to dwell on the past, in my opinion... not when every new day is open to whatever we want to fill it with...

Yep !..."Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying." Shawshank Redemption.

    Bookmark   February 6, 2013 at 12:03PM
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marquest(z5 PA)

clip this post email this post what is this?
see most clipped and recent clippings

Demi , are you asking how to use these forum functions?

    Bookmark   February 6, 2013 at 12:14PM
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demifloyd(8)

Posted by marquest z5 PA (My Page) on
Wed, Feb 6, 13 at 12:14

clip this post email this post what is this?
see most clipped and recent clippings

Demi , are you asking how to use these forum functions?

*

Do you see where I asked a question?

Is it not obvious that I copied that when copying Marshall's post to include in my own and did not intend to?

This post was edited by demifloyd on Wed, Feb 6, 13 at 12:46

    Bookmark   February 6, 2013 at 12:43PM
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demifloyd(8)

I posted a heartfelt post to Marshall.

And you go and try to start something with me.

I am not the only poster who has accidentally posted that blurb when quoting another poster.

No wonder so many good people have either left this forum or aren't posting and reading as regularly.

Count me as one of them for reasons just like this, marquest.

    Bookmark   February 6, 2013 at 12:45PM
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marquest(z5 PA)

clip this post email this post what is this?
see most clipped and recent clippings

Demi there was a question mark. It was not a quote. I thought you were asking a question about the forum function.

I see you are so very happy.

    Bookmark   February 6, 2013 at 2:36PM
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jillinnj

I see you are so very happy.

and just a tiny bit defensive?

    Bookmark   February 6, 2013 at 5:32PM
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demifloyd(8)

Posted by marquest z5 PA (My Page) on
Wed, Feb 6, 13 at 14:36

clip this post email this post what is this?
see most clipped and recent clippings

Demi there was a question mark. It was not a quote. I thought you were asking a question about the forum function.

I see you are so very happy.

*

I find it incredulous that this blurb is on every post on this forum, with the question mark, and you somehow attribute it to me asking a question?

Forgive me for assuming that past behavior tends to predict future behavior and you weren't trying to start something with me.

I believe you.

Edited to add--believe me, I am happy.

This post was edited by demifloyd on Wed, Feb 6, 13 at 17:45

    Bookmark   February 6, 2013 at 5:34PM
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marshallz10(z9-10 CA)

Thank you, Demi, for the hugggggs and sentiments. Took a lifetime to mostly overcome, including self-medication with alcohol for decades. No need for sorrow at this late date. Why I am asked how old I feel, I date myself as as early twenties, that many years of sobriety and clear vision of life to be lived. I am blessed.

    Bookmark   February 6, 2013 at 8:55PM
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marshallz10(z9-10 CA)

Mylab, thank you for your caring and warm personal note. I would have responded off thread but you have no option for email contact on your GW personal page.

Hugs to you and keep up the warm and involved participation on HT.

    Bookmark   February 6, 2013 at 8:57PM
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mylab123(z5NW)

Oh darn, I just did the same thing with Chase - which resulted in that delicious bread baking thread, so it wasn't a total mess up! ;)

Is this a sign of vital brain cells blinking out for good??

You are very welcome Marshall.
May you have continued content!

    Bookmark   February 7, 2013 at 12:02AM
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marquest(z5 PA)

I find it incredulous that this blurb is on every post on this forum,

Nope not on my computer.
I am looking at the post and I have gone to the top of this topic. It is not a part of any of the message except the one I asked you about.

Are you saying at the top of all the messages on your computer you see that blurb,,,,,,, those two lines with a Question mark?

It is a function on the side of the page but it is not included in any of the post on my computer.

    Bookmark   February 7, 2013 at 2:29AM
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demifloyd(8)

Marquest--it is in the top right hand corner of each post--with a green vine and the top of scissors that is entitled "clippings."

Just under that is the phrase, "clip this post email this post what is this? see most clipped and recent clippings"
(this is underlined)

That's weird that it does not show up on your computer.

I just now tried to copy it and the entire post was copied, so I'm sure that's what happened when I copied--I've seen other posters do it, too.

No problem. I am sorry I assumed the negative about you.

I don't like doing that, but this forum--particularly the last eight months or so--has taught me that's usually accurate.

Have a good one!

    Bookmark   February 7, 2013 at 8:52AM
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markjames

I had a great childhood.

Speaking of swimming, we grew up in homes, or vacation homes on Lake George, Saratoga Lake, The Great Sacandaga Lake and Seneca Lake, so we all learned to swim, row, sail, waterski and operate powerboats at a very young age.

Many that live on the lakes, or that own boats don't know how to swim.

    Bookmark   February 7, 2013 at 8:58AM
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