Peace in the garden, what about the net?

HarvestTime(7a)April 16, 2014

I've been a part of many gardening forums about the web for well over a decade now. While I havent posted much here, one thing is about as obvious as Oklahoma is as I see here in this subforum, the people are great. Why is it when I browse other major garden forums on the net (I won't mention names) and clearly some OTHER forums here at gardenweb, everyone is arguing? I consider myself pretty well learned when it comes to gardening, however I am always learning and it appears those that know it all, know very little, as it is by ones mistakes and other's mistakes (and wisdom) that one learns most (IMO)....but In these "other" forums there is just constant bickering, "I grow maters in 36 inch cages so I give them 3ft by 3ft areas to grow", (rebuttal!?:) "well a 36 inch diameter area is not 3ft square! You need to use pi to convert! You dont know what you are talking about!"....???? (lol) I see the same thing almost everywhere. From what ive seen here, and for the reason I lurked so long here before posting, it is different here.

As I said the people in Oklahoma are wonderful. Is that it here as well? Is that why this little part of the net is so peaceful and friendly? I get SO tired of reading on others experiences just to see mindless trashing of others methods, beliefs and logic.

/rant off (lol), Your opinions please?


This post was edited by HarvestTime on Wed, Apr 16, 14 at 12:54

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It's the squeaky wheel effect. You have plenty of users who aren't arguing, and they even have ideas or suggestions without hostility, but what you remember is the times when there are arguments.

    Bookmark   April 16, 2014 at 12:56PM
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We get together once a year and duke it out!!! LOL

No, really, we have really nice people here and only an occasional disagreement. I think it helps that a lot of us know each other from the yearly 'Spring Fling'.

    Bookmark   April 16, 2014 at 12:56PM
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Think of it, for the most part, as a kind of 'cycle' the world goes through from time to time. People get tetchy and irritable over the littlest things during such periods. Inother cases, however, there are folks who like to take control of a group or a forum and dis on anyone who doesn't agre with them.

Around here, folks stick to the topic and appreciate their gardens as well as all of the info they can find and share, here. We've also learned that none of us has all of the answers. There's just too much for any one person to learn and know, so we all need some help and advice here and there along the way. iow, we've all found that our gardens can keep us more than a bit humble. :) Personally, about the time I think I know something and start bragging, my garden does something I hadn't counted on or known about...

    Bookmark   April 16, 2014 at 1:17PM
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Soonergrandmom: I would absolutely love to attend the spring fling, but I am currently down in south texas on location grr..

Gardenper: I do understand that, similiar to amazon item reviews, if you have a bad item, you'll write a review, seldom do people have no problems and feel compelled to share. However, I had scoured months of this particular subforum prior to posting, and unlike other subforums here at gardenweb or others on the net, I found very little childish bickering.

Wbonesteel: Thats karma for ya I suppose lol

    Bookmark   April 16, 2014 at 1:30PM
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There are other contentious forums on this site, and I have to avoid them because they give me heartburn! I think part of it is each forum usually takes on the personality of the dominant posters, how they respond to situations. If you don't like that personality, you leave.

However, I think as Oklahomans our group just tends to be more laid back and helpful. I haven't seen too many trolls trying to come through here...but I think on the whole they would just be ignored.

The Spring Fling helps too....we all get to know each other and it makes a difference (even when we have to duke it out with Soonergrandmom!)

    Bookmark   April 16, 2014 at 3:07PM
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(and like all families, I bet each of us knows how to push each other's buttons! I can think of two subjects off the top of my head that would start a small discussion....but it is not worth the lack of harmony!)

    Bookmark   April 16, 2014 at 3:11PM
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I agree. It seems some people are bored or maybe too much time on their hands. I spend a lot of time studying the web and found the same problem and I will hardly ever post outside of GW Oklahomas corner. There are some very knowledgeable people out there I would love to pick their brain but do not because of the handful of "others".
Everyone here is amazingly friendly and encouraging. And sooo helpful.
just my 2 cents
ps and I cant wait to drive 4 hours to meet them.

    Bookmark   April 16, 2014 at 4:35PM
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mksmth zone 6b Tulsa Oklahoma(6b)

Well in my opinion aside from the fact that most Okies are genuinely nice people to begin with is that we are in the same boat. What I mean is we are all dealing with pretty much the same issues. So when someone of Dawns experience and some of the others speak up about what works and what doesnt work it makes total sense because its been done here. Not in Michigan or California or florida, but right here in our state. Of course our state varies quite dramatically from east to west but for the most part we all have the same issues.

What I have notice on the "other" forums is a lot of the arguing comes from people telling others how do things that only work where they are. For example. I gave up on the container forum because if you didnt use Al's gritty mix you were doing everything wrong and you should just give up. Well here in Oklahoma the gritty mix dries out way to fast in august. I tried it, it didnt work for me. But heaven forbid you try and tell them that. So now on that forum I just read the comments and take from it what i need.

Most of the plant specific forums can get this way also.


    Bookmark   April 16, 2014 at 5:06PM
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"I gave up on the container forum because if you didnt use Al's gritty mix you were doing everything wrong and you should just give up. Well here in Oklahoma the gritty mix dries out way to fast in august. I tried it, it didnt work for me. But heaven forbid you try and tell them that."

That is a perfect example of what I'm referring to. Sad really. People like that don't realize they poison their environment.

I haven't been part of our little OK forum for long, but I think it's a great place, and we are great people :) I wish I could goto the Spring Fling so bad. Next year I suppose.


    Bookmark   April 16, 2014 at 5:24PM
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Bermuda propaganda. For our gardens, we all must unite to combat this evil which brings unity and cohesion to our little part of the world.

Fight! Fight!

    Bookmark   April 16, 2014 at 7:09PM
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It's probably because we're too busy fighting the wacky weather and the Bermuda grass to squabble with each other :D

    Bookmark   April 16, 2014 at 8:49PM
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Have we talked about mountain lions lately?

Let's NOT!

    Bookmark   April 16, 2014 at 9:52PM
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Okiedawn OK Zone 7


That's easy for you to say. Wait until you see one at the farm. : )

All I'm seeing right now is wild turkeys, bunnies and deer and I hope it stays that way.

    Bookmark   April 16, 2014 at 11:26PM
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haha, Scott hit one of the topics :) Everyone run for the hills!!! just kidding!

    Bookmark   April 16, 2014 at 11:36PM
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Its mostly egos. You see it everywhere in real life & definitely on the computer. I believe on a computer its way easier for some people to be an ass because they are not talking face to face. Manners seem to disappear at times on the computer.

Here's the deal. You just either just ignore all this stuff or you go crazy & let it get into your head like a little ball rolling around in there driving you nuts. Me, I like common sense. I try to take what I can use & blow off the rest. If I have something to say, I say it. Sometimes if I don't have something to say, I say that too. We all do because most of us like to hear ourselves talk & we all like to be right most of the time.

Above all, keep your sense of humor & don't get heavy. Wars should not be fought about the correct way of ciphering how big to make tomato cages.

This post was edited by TexasRanger10 on Sat, Apr 19, 14 at 13:57

    Bookmark   April 17, 2014 at 4:42AM
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garyfla_gw(10 Florida)

here are my pet peeves about forums in general and garden web in particular .
1 Ask a ?? either no responses or many but not one addresses the ??

  1. Lovely pix with captions such as "Blue" Lovely flowers "
    3 One word resposes such as "Yes" "no " or best of all"I don't know"
  2. "What is the ID of this plant?"
    5 . My fav all time respose ".My plant died" "maybe you should change your culture method?"
    6 Last people who write lists of pet peeves . Worst of the lot. After all it's not required that one even reads it let alone respond .?? gary
    Bookmark   April 17, 2014 at 5:26AM
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sammy zone 7 Tulsa

People in Oklahoma are automatically nicer than they are in many other places. I saw it first on the roads. A poor soul would try to make a left turn out of a business, and need to cross 4 lanes of traffic. People stop for him. It is amazing. Anyone can make a right turn and turn around, but people stop. They also let people merge into traffic quickly. You cannot always count on that, but in other cities, drivers do not necessarily do that. (It isn't always good, but we help each other.

I do not really support what I just said in driving because the person in front of me might allow so many people in that I will miss the light. However, my daughters are from San Diego and Baltimore MD, and this amazes them.

In stores people, clerks, and check out workers are nice, friendly and helpful. When a clerk is abrupt, you notice it since most people are nice.

We are not in competition here. Besides getting to know each other, we do not have a national organization, and we do not compete.

If a person has an opinion, others give their opinions, and we move on.

In some forums, those who debate look for people to debate with. It may be that many people ignore the debates, but if they do not write anything, a stranger does not notice.

However, I like my first thoughts. People here are nice.
One exception. High school kids are not nice this time of year. They are wild and loud. I have been teaching for 31 years, and this is my last. I can hardly wait. These wild kids will grow up to be nice, but right now they are loud, and will barely listen. LOL

    Bookmark   April 17, 2014 at 6:22AM
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TotemWolf(7 SWOK-Greer County)

I have to agree about the people here Oklahoma. While in the military I lived in 7 different states and spent some time in all 50. People here are different. We care about each other more. The only other place I have seen this is in Alaska and in part of Arizona and Texas, the parts away from the cities. I think it has to do with the frontier heritage.
Whatever it is, it is not just on the web. You see it in all walks of life.
I'm so happy to be back here for good.

    Bookmark   April 17, 2014 at 7:48AM
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Okiedawn OK Zone 7

I agree with you, Sammy, that most people here are extra nice and will do anything to help another person. I think we see that same attitude on our forum.

Your last year to teach? Congratulations on your impending retirement and thank you so much for spending decades educating our state's young people. I never could have or would have had the patience to do what you have done for 31 years.


    Bookmark   April 17, 2014 at 8:07AM
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You are soooo right about the high school kids this time of year. I noticed a couple of weeks ago how suddenly rude and arrogant they appeared compared to the beginning of the year. Congrats on your career, and thanks.

When on a driving tour of the far northeast 15 years ago a waitress at a diner in Connecticut was very nice and it stood out to me because we had really not come across anyone who was overly nice for a couple of days. I told her she is living in the wrong state and to move to Oklahoma.

Basically it is acceptable to disagree and argue, but it is not acceptable here to treat anyone rudely or hatefully. Treat everyone like an aunt.

    Bookmark   April 17, 2014 at 10:00AM
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Just my own opinion for what its worth which isn't much:

Its a trade off. Unless you want to discuss vegetable garden subjects, other forums are often more interesting but other forums are often ruder & many people are egotistical, competitive, irritating etc. This usually happens in lively discussions so a thick skin is required.

Its true people are basically nice in the midwest but, getting back to the subject of forums in general, the Oklahoma Forum focuses 90% on vegetable gardens & to a lesser degree lawns & common urban landscape plants, so some people feel out of step, lack subjects in common, come away feeling like an observer & non club member or simply find many posts boring. Still, its nice to see people being nicer.

Personally I do like a lively discussion even when its not all politeness at times. Gardeners can get passionate when worked up about something they really care about or something that works for them even if the majority disagrees.

I've never lived anywhere else. Folks used to just be nice by nature without talking about it or being complimented which would have been embarrassing. I've seen us patting ourselves on the back for this all the time on the local news in the last several years. Thats new.

This post was edited by TexasRanger10 on Thu, Apr 17, 14 at 16:45

    Bookmark   April 17, 2014 at 2:59PM
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Well, ok, Scott. You can treat me like an auntie...if you want...I suppose. But I'm not wearing dresses and makeup for ya.

    Bookmark   April 17, 2014 at 4:39PM
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Tex, I agree with ya (and everyone else, too).

I'd like to give credit to the master gardeners on this forum without naming names. Whether I like it or not (and I never do), there is a natural pecking order to any active group.

Because our leads on this forum are, generally, good-natured, wilfully helpful without expectation of return (a key) it maintains a status quo of decency where others follow suit.

But this group is forgiving, too, as I've butt heads before. Life is just too short that stuff. Forgiveness always makes things beddah.

A lot of times it's miscommunication on a cultural level. Where I say, "Oh really?" which actually means "How interesting. Please continue.", the same phrase would take on the meaning of a challenge, "You have got to be kidding me. That cannot be right." Since all are mostly native Oklahomans, we are familiar with each others' culture to a point. Therefore, there is less tension.

I think these types of misunderstandings happen more often than we realize on forums all across the internet. Because they are subtle, it often goes undetected and the culprit blamed on flights of fancy.


    Bookmark   April 17, 2014 at 6:53PM
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If ya wanna start a ruckuss, go to one of them mainly northeastern forums, they got "lots" o' respect fer us & R garden ways, har har. You gotta spell out what real fer sure garden challenges is all about & you can git downright tuckered out jus tryin to esplain it to them cuz they think they's better, smarter folk than us, trust me, I been there, they can be snobby.

Send 'em down here fer a summer, then they'll know. We earned the right to have attitude (once again, just my humble opinion based on observation). People fightin the good fight with nature tend to have a bit of patience with other folk & know the little stuff ain't worth shootin each other over. Its the big stuff you gotta worry about.

If it works, do it no matter what others say. If ya don't know, ask. Thats my motto. Actually, I can relate 100% to the OP & what he was saying. Its a jungle out there.

This post was edited by TexasRanger10 on Fri, Apr 18, 14 at 3:35

    Bookmark   April 17, 2014 at 7:25PM
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You're right!

We took off and spent months in NC to escape the heat of 2011. We were above 5,000 elevation in the mountains and living off grid. I gotta tell ya. I learned how tough we cowboys and cowgirls really are. I was told the mountain was tough and rugged. That Appalachian mountain was a piece of cake!

    Bookmark   April 17, 2014 at 10:03PM
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wbonesteel, for some reason every time I see your user name I see the cover for a 1990s "Buns of Steel" exercise video in my head. So no matter how many times I find out your age/gender/appearance/whatever, after a couple weeks when I read a post with your name on it I forget everything and only picture you again as a 30 yr old female with rock-hard abs and Buns of Steel!

Telling me you are a 70 yr old man will crush my mental image, but only for a couple of weeks until I forget again when I see "wbonesteel" and read it as "bunsofsteel".


    Bookmark   April 18, 2014 at 12:36AM
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LOL. I'm a 57 y/o man who still looks decent...fer my age.

I maintain my 'buns of steel' by working in the garden.

My abs are a different story. A few years ago, my pecs migrated down to where my abs used to be...and apparently, they like it there just fine.

    Bookmark   April 18, 2014 at 12:58AM
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    Bookmark   April 18, 2014 at 8:39AM
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