My Kodi Bear is gone.

Lady_BratApril 27, 2013

As I stood there in the hot sun beside the open grave that held my precious Baby, I felt not the heat but a coldness that permeated my body. My chest felt as though a giant fist had reached in, grabbed my heart as it still beat and removed it leaving a gaping hole, taking with it all feeling except for an undescribable, debilitating pain; yet at the same time left an emptiness that I knew could never be filled.

Death had made an uninvited stop at our house; an unwelcome visitor who would not be denied no matter the love, tears, pleading or money spent offered in my Baby's stead. But this creature of blackness didn't come and leave quickly. No, he came, marked my sweet Boy with the touch of his cold hand and then stood back prepared to watched and gloat over the suffering of my Baby.

God how I hate this thing called dDeath. It has you at it's mercy, of which it has none, as you can't fight it. If I could have just physically done battle with it I would have done some serious a$$ kicking. Unfortunately, death seems to hold the rule book and call the plays.

So, I lay down beside my Kodi Bear and we took a walk down memory lane starting fourteen years ago when at the age of eight weeks he came to live with me. I cried and laughed as we traveled memory's highway, savoring each event along the way. I told him again and again how much I loved him, how much I was going to miss him and that I didn't know how I was going to face each day without him. I told him that I released him to go because I didn't want him to suffer any longer and not to worry because his brothers would take care of me.......never as good a job as he did of course but he had trained them and I knew that the two of them would do the job.

Then I took him to the Vet and kicked death as hard as possible in the teeth..........because WE chose his time to leave and WE chose to end his suffering. I only wish that I could have stomped death once WE kicked him down.

All these thoughts crossed my mind as I shoveled the dirt in on my precious Boy. Then I glanced around at the seven graves of my other beloved pets/family surrounding us and it hit me that no, my heart hadn't been torn out of my chest.............only eight pieces; and each of those eight pieces were well deserved by the owners for the joy, laughter, companionship and unconditional love that they brought me.

As for death, he can claim no victory for every one of my Babies will live "forever" in my heart and my mind and death can't even stop that by taking me because once I've left this world we'll all be together again. So, Rest In Peace my sweet Kodi Bear and wait for Mommy.

I love you and miss you Kodi

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mylab123(z5NW)

I'm VERY sorry you lost your boy, Lady Brat.

    Bookmark   April 27, 2013 at 2:10PM
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ann_t

Lady Brat, I've very sorry for your loss.

~Ann

    Bookmark   April 27, 2013 at 2:38PM
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jlhug

I'm sorry, Lady Brat. Our furry friends do truly become members of our family.

    Bookmark   April 27, 2013 at 3:40PM
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jodik_gw

We hurt; we're still here... but they are at peace, pain-free, happy, and they would want us to smile at all the great memories. Loss is never easy... my sympathies...

    Bookmark   April 27, 2013 at 4:31PM
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elvis

I feel your pain, LB. I hope Kodi Bear had a canine roommate; the doggie left behind is how we get through this. We're always a 2 dog household. The new puppy fills that gaping hole like nothing else.

Play all day and eat anything, dear Kodi.

    Bookmark   April 27, 2013 at 5:00PM
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demifloyd(8)

I am so sorry for your loss.

Your pet was obviously well loved and that love will continue.

Been there, too, holding my cairn terrier with cancer--it is a privilege to be with a pet or a loved one when they pass this existence.

I'm glad you were able to do that.

This post was edited by demifloyd on Sat, Apr 27, 13 at 18:20

    Bookmark   April 27, 2013 at 6:07PM
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mawheel

I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved pet; they are so precious to us.

    Bookmark   April 27, 2013 at 6:14PM
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fancifowl(5Pa)

I understand the loss of a pet. I seem better able to cope with the loss of a hum,an life. My little mini pony has a very bad shoulder which Ive doctored too long now with very little improvement. I may have to put her down . That will just slay my little gr daughter and I will feel awful. Beetr thye animal than a child tho.

    Bookmark   April 27, 2013 at 7:33PM
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esh_ga

How odd to see this. I know a dog named Kodi that just lost her human to cancer. And here you are losing a dog named Kodi.

My condolences.

    Bookmark   April 27, 2013 at 8:56PM
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jodik_gw

They're with us for such a short time... I wish it could be longer. And yet, I carry wonderful memories of every animal I've ever called my friend and companion. Whether canine or feline, of the bird variety, even tropical fish... they've all given me such joy. And that's what I carry with me...

    Bookmark   April 27, 2013 at 9:20PM
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labrea_gw

Such a terrible pain! I'm sorry he's gone happy he had a good life!

    Bookmark   April 27, 2013 at 11:51PM
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lily316(z5PA)

What a wonderful tribute to your boy, Brat. My sympathy to you. Been there many times and still think every day of my first cat, Simon, who's been dead for at least 25 years. Pets just don't live long enough. This might sound crass, and non animal lovers certainly won't get it, but the death of a well loved pet sometimes is worse than losing a human.

    Bookmark   April 28, 2013 at 2:45AM
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mrskjun(9)

I'm so sorry Lady. It sounds like Kodi Bear was one of the cherished ones. It's wonderful to have memories to retain the joy that they bring to our lives.

    Bookmark   April 28, 2013 at 6:37AM
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TxanGoddess

We haven't yet created the words that can describe the pain of losing a beloved pet, or words that are adequate to console the owner's loss.
I am just so sorry. It hurts so damned badly to lose a dog, my sympathies.

    Bookmark   April 28, 2013 at 7:53AM
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demifloyd(8)

This might sound crass, and non animal lovers certainly won't get it, but the death of a well loved pet sometimes is worse than losing a human.

*

I guess that depends more on the human--seeing as humans have more control over how others consider them.

Good memories today Lady Brat.

This post was edited by demifloyd on Sun, Apr 28, 13 at 8:22

    Bookmark   April 28, 2013 at 8:20AM
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sleeplessinftwayne(z4-5 IND)

Hug the brothers left behind. They will be grieving too. They say sorrows shared are halved though it doesn't always feel that way. I hope the condolences of others who have lost much loved and loving companions have helped.

    Bookmark   April 28, 2013 at 8:45AM
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adoptedbyhounds

I am so very sorry for your loss, Lady. If you are not familiar with Rainbow Bridge, I hope it will be a source of comfort for you.

The link is below, and the following is from one of their pages:

"Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together...."

Here is a link that might be useful: Rainbow Bridge

    Bookmark   April 28, 2013 at 10:43AM
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elvis

Lady, today is Kodibear's first day of freedom. IME thinking about that as you go through your day will bring you the peace you seek.

The life-affirming spring chores you do today close to Kodi's final resting place can be part of your tribute to your old friend, released but never forgotten.

    Bookmark   April 28, 2013 at 12:19PM
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lily316(z5PA)

Nik..Love the Rainbow Bridge poem. I've read it many times and would hope it's true. I can picture all my cats and dogs all with me again. (and my parrot, Ollie)

Demi, I wasn't talking about someone who was near and dear to you like your husband. I was referring to maybe an elderly obscure relative I would see every few years compared to my pets who I see 24/7 for many, many years.

    Bookmark   April 28, 2013 at 1:19PM
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Campanula UK Z8

Sorry for that - very sad, sending psychic hugs across the water.

    Bookmark   April 28, 2013 at 1:51PM
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Lady_Brat

Thanks to everyone for their condolences; couldn't bring myself to get on the computer yesterday. Yes, Kodi Bear was a "cherished one". I know all of you have lost beloved pets who were just as loved by and just as special to you as my Kodi was to me and have experienced the same pain and heartache so please humour me as I tell you just a little about him and the things that made him so special and loved and I will then shut up.

Kodi was a Lab/Chow mix, had the build of a Chow but the size of a BIG Lab. Weighed 89 lbs and was all muscle. His coat was halfway between a Lab and Chow with a thick undercoat making him feel like a big Teddy Bear when I hugged him, which he loved. He was a "Handsome Man Dog". When I took him to obedience school to be certified, everyone commented on how beautiful he was. One day, one of the instructors told him "I'm not going to tell you how beautiful you are again because you're getting the big head. Look at how you "strut" when you come into class". And he did have that Chow strut down to a science. But he was beautiful inside as well. No animal was allowed in his back yard and many are the squirrels, possums and raccoons that paid dearly for crossing the fence yet when my shepherds were introduced into the family, one as an eight week old puppy and one as a half grown pup, Kodi was the most gentle and tolerant of the crew. Kodi was very intelligent. He's the one who when he was about four months old had to go out and barked to let me know. I was watching a movie that would be over in about three minutes so I told him "just a minute Kodi". He barked again and again I said, a little louder "just a minute Kodi". Kodi then walked across the room, stood over my foot and peed. From then on when Kodi spoke, Mom listened. Once, when I was having some work done on my house one of the men made the mistake of coming into my kitchen and getting too close to me. Kodi, who had been just lying there watching them work, got up, politely grabbed the man by the pants leg and pulled him back......just letting him know he wasn't to get that close to Mom again. And last but not least I could say "Kodi Bear, who do you love?" and he would come over, sit down in front of me, look up into my face and put his paw on my knee. Just a " VERY FEW" of the many reasons he was so special.

Facifowl, I will be sending special prayers up for your "little mini pony". Hope the shoulder heals up.

    Bookmark   April 29, 2013 at 9:44AM
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