Why people don't post negatives

SmokyMist(7 East TN)October 19, 2008

I've been so so busy with business this year I havn't had hardly any time to trade, OR to post. I've missed it, but with the economy the way it is, I just feel blessed to be doing ok.

anyway, I need your opinion and I know you ladies will give it LOL.

I just completed a trade...with a lady who is newly registered in Sept. I wanted to do at least ONE daylily trade this year, so I put my 'babies' up there for trade. I weeded through 6 people who wanted to trade, and picked one that I talked to ( 16 emails back and forth) at length about expectations before finilizing this trade. I had gotten ripped off in early spring and didn't want that to happen again. Although this lady didn't really know the correct terms used in trading daylilies, I went ahead and set this up. She assured me she was sending larger daylilies.

Ok so I dug up and sent fresh daylilies...one really huge fan..and I mean huge, and the rest were medium sizes, but nothing small. I sent them fresh from the garden, wrapped up in newspaper, and labeled each with a name tag.

This is what I get...it made me CRY. I got fans with all the foliage cut completely off, which was not a bad thing, just new to me. Barely wrapped up in newspaper, names written either on the newspaper, or on a scrap of paper thrown in there , which came off of some, so I don't really know what the heck I have. They were so dried up...and the sizes ? Two of them ...the root system was 1" tall . I'm not kidding !! She sent two of the one...so I got two dried up 1" tall daylilies. I opened this box while sitting at my daughter's dance studio and when she came out I was crying, that's how much I had been looking forward to my one good trade this year.

So I email her how unhappy I was about this trade, that I had sent her many emails about what was expected. And you know what ? She sends me back this bogus email that says .... she has complaints about me...I didn't clean all the dirt off the fans I sent her...I didn't trim ALL the green off the fans I sent her ( what the heck ????)...and they were, except for one, all small sizes, AND...they were so shriveled up she was having to soak them. She actually says to me that she is very experienced in trading daylilies, yet says to me ' we agreed not to send roots'. I mean huh ??

Oh..my ..Gosh....I can't believe this person !!! She sent me a really terrible box, and I sent her my lovely daylilies, and she says this ? My daughter, who is older, was right there when I packed that box, and she actually made the comment to me to be careful because I was sending such large fans, to not get ripped off again.

But I did !

So apparently she is not going to fix this. I look and see where she arranged other daylily trades recently. She does not have alot of feedback ( one that I see), and I wonder if that's because people just don't want to leave a negative in fear of retaliatory feedback ?

I don't know what to do. If I leave a negative, she'll go in there, I'm sure and post a big lie about me.

So this is probably why alot of people dont' post negatives.

Should I post what I truthfully feel in her feedback, or just not ?


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I'm sorry you got a box that got you so upset it made you cry. I would post a negative post, but try to avoid harsh words. Stick to the facts. That may not seem strong enough, but a lot can be said in simplicity. "I sent large well rooted fans and received 1" roots in return" speaks volumes. Then if there is some retaliatory feedback on her part, you can show to the powers that be that you were calm in your post and not trying to incite her ire.
I think sometimes negative posts get yanked because people don't stick to the facts and post incendiary remarks.
Also try to remember wonderful trade boxes you have received like the one I sent you. Lol, that sounds a bit boastful, doesn't it. : )

    Bookmark   October 19, 2008 at 11:43AM
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SmokyMist(7 East TN)

Not boastful at all but TRUE !!

    Bookmark   October 19, 2008 at 12:01PM
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You're too sweet!

    Bookmark   October 20, 2008 at 9:22PM
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yikes. 16 emails to reach an understanding, I never would have thought of it before, but now that seems like a red flag.

* we agreed not to send roots
Maybe she just wanted a bouquet of cut flowers?

    Bookmark   October 24, 2008 at 10:23AM
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agirlsgirl(6 SW-PA)

Cheryl,if you haven't already,I would post the negative. It possibly would save other people from the same disappointment you suffered. Don't be afraid of her coming back with a negative for you,you have may positive reviews to back you up. If others are holding back on posting about their experience with her,you may just encourage them to speak up!:)
Sorry this happened to you!

    Bookmark   October 26, 2008 at 12:25AM
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irish_rose_grower(z7 LI NY)

Hi Cheryl. I feel really bad that someone would do this and then not try to make it up when you brought it to her attention. That is just not acceptable. I once traded with a person who traded quite often -- and I sent her large healthy fans. She send me the tiniest fans I've ever seen (some daylilys make small fans but not ALL daylilys). They clearly were not blooming size fans and I emailed her and told her they were very small and didn't know if they would make it. She was very understanding and sent me another decent size fan -- now this was the right thing to do. I think you should rate her negatively as no one else wants to send out nice trade to be sadyly disappointed. You can be kind and still leave a negative review. (Like "I was disappointed in the size of the fans and her reaction when I contacted her was not appropriate for fair trading, etc...)

I always try to send nice large blooming size fans and if there on the small size I always try to send more than 2 fans. I think you and I may have traded and sure hope you were happy with the daylilys I sent you.

    Bookmark   November 1, 2008 at 3:39PM
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Hi Cheryl, sorry for what you had to deal with, thankfully, it happens very rarely. Noticed in your page you state you'll no longer trade daylilies (plants) with anyone new, now you're talking!! Wondering what happened to the daylilies she sent you,seems to me they might've had a chance, being rather tough, seen some daylilies ( and plants) almost dry after Katrina and return, like Bougainvillea I thought was a gonner -made a comeback, nice to have it blooming red now. Patience is often needed.
You did well by posting the negative message, for one it has brought you relief you needed, besides warning others, I'm going to search for them soon.
Why I am not posting negative remarks? Might be seen as too kind, actually, kowwfc= knock on wood with fingers crossed, so far haven't been so disappointed -figuring it's newbies and we were all new once and made mistakes learning. I hope newbies (most likely) I traded seeds with, will appreciate my email suggestions for improved, more successful GW trading, besides, the ones who don't care will " kick themselves out" -won't last long.
Of course it's good to post negative remarks on someone who intentionally and without appologies tries to keep on making unfair exchanges.
I traded many boxes with success, some made me cry and cry, truth!!! Most of you can understand, great people and friends to know and get to know and swap with.
I only trade plants when I feel assured to trust this person--" famous GW-ebber"--smile, most often with the pals with who I already made a few plant swaps. Great to have Rate and Review ( with me it might be Rave and Review) and conversations with you pals.

Always learning, wishing you the best and a great weekend,


    Bookmark   November 16, 2008 at 11:01AM
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SmokyMist(7 East TN)

graainieb, unfortunately it has happened alot to me over the past year. I have to say though, that mixed in there, were some awesome trades too. The 'old reliables'...I hope you all dont' mind me calling you that LOL.
This person was not new to gardening...she is on 4 other websites, and posted to trade the same daylilies she had on all 4 websites at the same time. I feel like I got the scraps. Literally pieces that I probably would have trashed after dividing a daylily. And the thing is, we discussed daylily size and expectations for a very long time before trading.
And to top all of that off... she had MY daylilies that I sent her, up on her 'for trade' list on another website, a week later. She probably took them and divided them into 3's and 4's and traded them with somebody.
It was a hard lesson, I learned it twice this year. Third time..you know what they say. I'm not gonna do it again LOL.

    Bookmark   November 16, 2008 at 11:40AM
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angelady777 (was angelady on GW) - Zone 6(6)

I do have a feeling people don't post negatives (even nicely worded ones) because they're afraid of how they will look or that someone will come back and bite their thread. It's certainly not easy to do, but I had to do it recently in another group, and I will also have to do it here as well, it appears. I think most of the traders just blow it off and don't trade with that person again rather than warning others. Kind of like when you order at a new restaurant, and the food really isn't very good at all, you just pay the bill, rather than complain and just don't go back to the same place again instead. KWIM?


    Bookmark   November 17, 2008 at 1:16AM
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Now, that would make me mad and I'd let her know it and post to warn others---sending scraps and trading yours, some nerve!
No, it'd not be hard nor would I be afraid being tough, not in just mere words! anyway, not when I know the truth and it will prevail...oh well, we all learn lessons and move on.

Wait til you get old and reliable,lol

Happy Thanksging you all,


    Bookmark   November 17, 2008 at 4:16PM
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claysoil(z6 PA)

Negative posts saved me from a trade with a con artisit. I emailed everyone who had bitten the bullet and told the truth about that person and thanked him/her for saving me.

I wrote a negative post about someone this spring, and as smokymist speculated, she did go to my thread and post negative about me. Never mind that she got the plants from me 5 days before what she sent me even arrived...she was fine (I checked with her) until she saw my negative post. But I figure that some kind, honest souls saved me, so I owed it to others to post the truth.

If you don't post, it could be someone else crying over a box of plants. Do you wish that on someone?

    Bookmark   May 24, 2009 at 8:55PM
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