Forum on Family Estrangements

njtea(NJ Z6)September 21, 2007

To the powers that be at iVillage: Can you please add an additional forum for estrangements in the Home/Family forum and perhaps move the threads on that topic in the Parents forum to a new one.

If others who are interested, would post their support, it would be great.

TIA

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yborgal

I think this would be a great new addition. Seems many of us are in need of a place to talk, share, support each other.

    Bookmark   September 21, 2007 at 4:23PM
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sniffles07

Great suggestion..it's definitely needed.

    Bookmark   September 21, 2007 at 7:23PM
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lostmama

I would like to second the suggestion of a forum especially for estranged parents. There are many of us who need a place to vent, connect and help each others. Thanks!

    Bookmark   September 23, 2007 at 8:43AM
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beanotfuddled

I would also like to see another "spot" for those of us suffering from child-estrangement ! The more posters, the larger the community, more room for new ideas for coping, understanding...living !

    Bookmark   September 23, 2007 at 10:02AM
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reeling

Oh, yes please- this would greatly help the people in our situation and probably would benefit all the other readers of the Home/Family forum for whom this topic has no interest. In this way they will have less entries to read when looking for topics of interest to them.

    Bookmark   September 23, 2007 at 2:17PM
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love2garden22

This is a very important subject. Please let us continue to post here.
Thanks

    Bookmark   September 24, 2007 at 8:02PM
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imaginny

Adding my voice of support to the request for a Forum on Family Estrangements. If a Forum is set up, I will add a link to it on my website and blog to direct more traffic to it. Support groups for those of us who have lost loved ones to estrangement is needed.

Here is a link that might be useful: Estrangements

    Bookmark   October 18, 2007 at 2:04PM
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pattilynn

I know my husband and I need input on why our daughter and sil seem to want us out of thier lives. We all need a place to turn to.

    Bookmark   April 22, 2008 at 3:28PM
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lynnfrances

I hope this comes to be, I have been searching for a place to vent the pain of an estranged daughter.

    Bookmark   June 26, 2008 at 9:39AM
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edinnj

If anyone is interested, a self-help support group parents estranged from their adult children has started meeting in Westmont, NJ. It's a volunteer-run group. Joanne has started it, but needs help. For contact information, if you are in NJ, just call the non-profit NJ Self-Help Group Clearinghouse at 1-800-367-6274.

Here is a link that might be useful: NJ Self-Help Group Clearinghouse

    Bookmark   July 27, 2008 at 9:25PM
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grandmere2667

I, too, need the support of others suffering from estrangement of a child.

    Bookmark   August 5, 2008 at 2:45AM
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connierose_2000

I am so very sad, but I too am suffering from the estrangement of my adult child. I can't seem to find any help anywhere on this topic. I've not seen my only child in over a year nor the grandchild either. I'm really at a loss as what to do or how to handle this situation while trying to keep my wits about me. Looking for support/help...

Thanks,
Connie

    Bookmark   September 11, 2008 at 10:39AM
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sweeby

Please DO add an estrangement forum.

But please keep the popular and user-friendly GardenWeb format rather than the iVillage format.

    Bookmark   January 2, 2009 at 9:55AM
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christy2828(8a)

Please add an estrangement forum!!!!! Please link it from the parents forum for those who wish to discuss estrangements. Thanks!!!

    Bookmark   January 3, 2009 at 12:15AM
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imaginny

Many mothers come to the Parents Forum of Gardenweb and talk about the painful estrangements from their grown children.

A separate estrangements forum was set up, apparently on iVillage, but it is in a different format than the GW Parents Forum and is so unsatisfactory that few want to use it. We prefer the format of the Parents Forum and had expected that if a separate forum was set up that it would be in that format.

I can see that it might be problematic for GW to set up a separate forum just for the topic of estrangements. Thus my suggestion would be that GW set up a forum in the same format as the Parents Forum but the Forum subject could be broader than Estrangements. Perhaps Family Issues? Or Family Problems? Or The Dysfunctional Family even although I don't like that one a whole lot but it might work. Something that relates to the discussion of dysfunction or serious problems so that the threads of the new Forum could be on a variety of issues that affect the family including the serious issue of family estrangement. This might be a more logical approach that would fit in with the category structure of the GW Forums and would satisfy the needs of the mothers who are posting on the Parents Forum now and also the needs of GW to have a logical category that would include that subject.

    Bookmark   January 4, 2009 at 10:43AM
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motherlode

I fear our blogs are going to be pushed further and further down the line. If we could have a separate forum here for this topic of estrangement it would be gratefully appreciated. At the moment we seem to be all over the place trying to support others in our situation-this would make it a better flow of dialogue-plese help us out Garden web-you have been a big help so far

thanks motherlode

    Bookmark   January 13, 2009 at 1:56PM
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tofuanna

I wanted to thank everyone who has posted about their estrangements with their children. Your wisdoms and stories show me that I am not alone in my estrangement from my only child, my adult daughter (age 33).

It is comforting to know that other parents have gone through this, and have dealt with the same shock and grief I feel. You give me hope that I can finally let go, and get on with my own life.

I recognized years ago that the serious choices I made as a single parent did effect her. Without a college education, I usually worked two jobs, during the day a secretary and a waitress at night. It was a necessity, because my daughter had medical issues early on in life and we did not access to insurance because of her pre-existing condition. I don't regret my job choices and was never embarrassed about being working-class, even though some of my waitressing jobs were in strip bars where the money was good.

A few years back, I learned my daughter was embarrassed by my work history, lower income status, and my small house in the mountains in rural USA. I thought I would die of heartbreak. Tha was when the estrangement began.

Our interactions as a mother and daughter became like a rollercoaster (as one person here so aptly described her own estrangement). Now she has no contact with me at all. She does not care if I live or die. The only news I hear now is when she calls her grandparents who live in Washington, DC. I learned from them that my daughter had married a navy pilot, a young man whose has rich family from Maine. My folks said he seems like a very good man, and I am happy for her. From them, I learned she now travels the world, like a jet-setter, and seems to be happy.

I guess that all a parent can hope for is that their child is loved, happy and healthy. My daughter has all of that. So in truth, I guess I shouldn't complain.

I rarely join blogs or forums. I wanted to join, and if for no other reason, to let others know I appreciate them. Thanks for listening.

Light,
Tofuanna

    Bookmark   January 29, 2009 at 9:40AM
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stjulienlepauvre

Oh, how I hope this forum is still active. My 45 year old son hasn't spoken to me for two years; he returned gifts I sent to his two sons. I'm still kind of numb & in shock. We seemed to have a very good relationship before that. Two years ago he blamed me for letting his (not quite) stepfather discipline him. He was a difficult child.

    Bookmark   March 24, 2009 at 4:01AM
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imaginny

I continue to hope that GardenWeb would set up a Forum or a subsection of a Forum to discuss family estrangement but so far nothing new has been done. For those who come here looking for a place to discuss these issues, there is an excellent group at http://estrangedstories.ning.com/ that has been set up by a GardenWeb member. Until another group is set up on GardenWeb in response to our requests, those who need a group may find the Estranged Stories group very helpful.

Here is a link that might be useful: Estranged Stories

    Bookmark   March 31, 2009 at 12:20PM
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jazzlady1028

Hi all, please check out http://www.support4change.com/relationships/letgo/4/09.html and the many other related chapters. I don't have time to explain it - but it's all about parents and adult children - the complexities and challenges of this type of relationship. I have printed out many chapters and will print out more - that is just one of many. The articles are written by an Arlene Harder, MA, MFT. I need a lot of help in this area, re: my 2 adult daughters who have changed so, and these articles are helping me with coping.

Here is a link that might be useful: Chapter 4: Letting Go: Easier Said Than Done

    Bookmark   May 8, 2009 at 8:14PM
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