Just for guys - technical support

stitches216(8/9 Hou-Galv)July 19, 2006

This might be the last thread I ever start on GW. But oh well, ya gotta take your chances, sometimes. Life ain't worth livin' without some risk and danger.

I figure, it's time. The ladies here have had plenty of fun with their talk about manly men and such. Now, guys, it's OUR turn. Call Tech Support if you need more help!


Application Wife 1.0

Last year a friend of mine upgraded from GirlFriend 6.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that its a memory hog leaving very little system resources available for other applications. He is now noticing that Wife 1.0 is also spawning Child Processes which are further consuming valuable resources.

No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed him that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application.

Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself such that it is always launched at system initialization, where it can monitor all other system activity. HeÂs finding that some applications such as PokerNight 10.3, BeerBash 2.5, and PubNight 7.0 are no longer able to run in the system at all, crashing the system when selected (even though they always worked fine before). During installation, Wife 1.0 provides no option as to the installation of undesired Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw 55.8 and BrotherInLaw Beta release. Also, system performance seems to diminish with each passing day.

Some features heÂd like to see in the upcoming wife 2.0:

1. a "DonÂt remind me again" button

2. a Minimize button

3. An install shield feature that allows Wife 2.0 be installed with the option to uninstall at any time without the loss of cache and other system resources

4. An option to run the network driver in promiscuous mode which would allow the systemÂs hardware probe feature to be much more useful.

I myself decided to avoid the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking with Girlfriend 7.0. Even here, however, I found many problems. Apparently you cannot install Girlfriend 7.0 on top of Girlfriend 6.0. You must uninstall Girlfriend 6.0 first. Other users say this is a long standing bug that I should have known about. Apparently the versions of Girlfriend have conflicts over shared use of the I/O port. You think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now.

To make matters worse, the uninstall program for Girlfriend 6.0 doesnÂt work very well leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system. Another thing  all versions of Girlfriend continually popup little annoying messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0.


Bug Warning


Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources.

Bug work-arounds: To avoid this bug, try installing Mistress 1.1 on a different system and never run any file transfer applications such as Laplink 6.0. Also, beware of similar shareware applications that have been known to carry viruses that may affect Wife 1.0. Another solution would be to run Mistress 1.1 via a UseNet provider under an anonymous name. Here again, beware of the viruses which can accidentally be downloaded from the UseNet.


Tech Support Suggestions


These are very common problems men complain about, but are mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 6.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a Utilities & Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is indeed an operating system and designed by its creator to run everything.

It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 6.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 6.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 6.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this.

Some have tried to install Girlfriend 7.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under "Warnings - Alimony/Child support". I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and deal with the situation.

I suggest installing background application program C:\YES DEAR to alleviate software augmentation. Having installed Wife 1.0 myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause.

The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE. In any case avoid excessive use of C:\YES DEAR because ultimately you may have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high-maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 3.1 and Diamonds 2K. Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary with Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of Luck,

Tech Support

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That is correct! Diamonds and flowers are a great idea.

    Bookmark   July 19, 2006 at 5:05PM
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Hehehe, seems to me there should be dozens ofcritical error warnings popping up more often, lol
The men do take some pretty good hits around here but most are just richocheting hits off of us in the real world, LOL

    Bookmark   July 19, 2006 at 7:17PM
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pjtexgirl(7b DFW)

Yep! Don't let me catch ya with "Mistress 1.1" or that "systems hardware probe" is gonna go missing! I'm with the flowers and diamonds too.LOL! PJ

    Bookmark   July 19, 2006 at 11:54PM
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Would that be called "probe bobbitt" ?

    Bookmark   July 20, 2006 at 9:29AM
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rick_mcdaniel(Lewisville, TX)

Actually that Wife 1.0, is called a "universal" application, as it will impact on all other applications, most in a negative way, unless it is provided constant upgrades, and mega support.

That is how Microsoft became so powerful......they learned from the Wife 1.0 beta, how to create the never ending cycle of upgrading, and applied that concept to all of their products. (smile) The end cost, is rather astronomical.

    Bookmark   July 20, 2006 at 9:59AM
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Hehehehe okay, this is getting very funny. I hope it lasts for a long while. I would love to hear from everyone on this, lol

    Bookmark   July 20, 2006 at 12:46PM
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My other half decided to head off problems with the the 'platinum' version!

    Bookmark   July 20, 2006 at 12:50PM
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pjtexgirl(7b DFW)


    Bookmark   July 20, 2006 at 1:46PM
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stitches216(8/9 Hou-Galv)

My copy hijacks my Task Manager!

Sends a heck of a shock through the seat of my pants during re-boot, too. Doesn't matter if I'm sitting or standing.

The "probe bobbitt" is, I believe, one of a general class of low-cost accessories called Lorenaware.
(I used to live in the town where that product line was developed. That "pop up" warned me well.)

Be careful what you download. You just might get what you wish for.

Sometimes, I swear that "monitor" is looking back at me with more input than I could ever give it...

    Bookmark   July 20, 2006 at 3:08PM
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The first BSer doesn't have a chance!

    Bookmark   July 20, 2006 at 5:16PM
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Well, Rick, I'm glad to hear that there is an end cost. Wife 1.0 has been running my operating system for 40 years now, and although the maintenance costs are astronomical, I have finally come to the realization that replacement costs would be even more. I have reached the point in life where it is easier to comply and give the Yes Dear response than to put up with all the Spam.

    Bookmark   July 20, 2006 at 9:28PM
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Hehehehe, I think I will show DH bossjim's post, soon to be 30 yrs and he still doesn't have the *yes dear* down pat, lol

    Bookmark   July 20, 2006 at 9:51PM
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At our rehearsal dinner, my dad told my (soon to be)DH the two words he needed to remember were "Yes, dear."

    Bookmark   July 21, 2006 at 8:46AM
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I have to laugh at the name bossjim1..I guess it is at his job that he's boss.

    Bookmark   July 21, 2006 at 9:48AM
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stitches, I never knew you were so funny. I thought this was a post about computers so I avoided it.
Being a blonde, it would be over my head.

I think there should be a device on computers that would make your beer shoot off the coaster and into your lap everytime someone decided to venture to some of the nasty sites.

    Bookmark   July 21, 2006 at 10:07AM
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rick_mcdaniel(Lewisville, TX)

Well bossjim, the "yes dear" is kinda like agreeing to use MS software precisely as MS suggests you use it.........so being basically an anti-MS person, I have managed to develop alternative methods to using their mind-numbing software, by using a MAC!

So....Wife 1.0, now has alternative methods of operation, which, while limited, provide for some degree of flexibility, and use of grey matter.

These days though, the functionality of grey matter, has declined, therefore I have misgivings about winning the battle, in the long run. (smile)

    Bookmark   July 21, 2006 at 10:49AM
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pjtexgirl(7b DFW)

You're doomed buddy! LOL!PJ

    Bookmark   July 21, 2006 at 12:12PM
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Having been retired now for several years, Bossjim is only boss in his mind. Beleive it or not this doesn't cause a conflict with Wife 1.0 as long as he doesn't SPEAK his mind.

    Bookmark   July 21, 2006 at 12:22PM
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LOL, this is hilarious to me

Well, I must be Wife 2.0 the bestest version because I don't have any gli gli gli glitch glitch glitchessssssss glitches

    Bookmark   July 21, 2006 at 2:53PM
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pjtexgirl(7b DFW)

I'm platinum with JAC! (yeah right!) I'm a pain in the b*tt!PJ

    Bookmark   July 22, 2006 at 1:12AM
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I'm wife 5.0!! And we want diamonds, flowers, chocolate-just give me the Godiva and noone gets hurt, emeralds....

Came with smartass already installed. And I'm fairly fond of the probebobbitt program, ask husband 1.0 and husband 2.0!!

LOL. Tally HO!

    Bookmark   July 23, 2006 at 6:47PM
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stitches216(8/9 Hou-Galv)

"It has been widely reported that performance of Wife 1.0 does not necessarily improve when operating with a previously compatible hard drive upgraded by installation of Viagra or Cialis. Often (and counter-intuitively), temporary disengagement of the hard drive for operation on an isolated platform restores compatibility, provided neither system is subjected to frequent or prolonged operations in (autonomous) manual modes."

...just the latest bulletin from Technical Support.

    Bookmark   July 28, 2006 at 4:41PM
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Lol i know thid is old, but wife 2.0 would like to know how to install the programs help with housework 2.5, bedtime stories 3.0, and fixin stuff8.0 in exchange for flowers and chocolatesprogaming into husband 2.0. Wife 2.0 will automatically boot promescuity mode to run in backround to said installations

    Bookmark   June 5, 2011 at 8:41PM
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