gardener lost

Hooti(z5 NY)June 13, 2005

Those of you that attended Tara's Buffalo Rochester area swap met my boyfriend Ron at the swap.

Ron died in a tragic accident this morning. He was thrown from his mountain bike. Details are still sketchy.

Right now I don't know how I can ever be okay again. Ron was my knight in shining armour every day of the week. Unlike the movies and fairy tales where the prince and princess ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after, I need saving every day. I am selfish and think "who will save me from all my dragons now?" Who will jump in pools with their clothes on with me? Who will volunteer to fill their truck up with pails of water for my seedlings when the cistern runs dry? Who will pick up the things I drop all over, or jump into the stinging nettle and trod it down so I don't get stung? Who will click crystals and play power people with me?

The last I saw him was friday night when I was getting ready for the corfu exchange. I let him off the hook for attending the exchange as he was such a good sport about the family reunion and Tara's exchange the week-end before. But he stopped in friday when I was labling nd potting just to say "I love you". I think, if I had just held onto him and not let go..."

Hold onto your loved ones and never let them go-at least in your heart. Always say "I love you" when they walk out the door. Savor every hour together as if it were the last. And if you have many you will be even more glad you did.



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dian57(M-H Valley NY-5)

Oh, Laurette.

I am so sorry for your loss. I wish I was there to hold you while cry. I will keep you, Ron and your families in my thoughts and prayers.


    Bookmark   June 13, 2005 at 6:38AM
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gottagarden(z5 western NY)

I am so very sorry Laurette, it is just the very worst kind of tragedy. I had met Ron a couple of times, and could see how happy you were together. You always talked about him and it was obvious you two were made for each other. It's terrible!! How unfair life is! I am just so shocked I am at a loss for words. I am SO SO SO SORRY!!!

    Bookmark   June 13, 2005 at 7:54AM
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Laurette, I too am so sorry for your loss. I know he was a good man just for coming with you to the exchanges. I can only imagine all the great things you did together.
With much sympathy,

    Bookmark   June 13, 2005 at 9:00AM
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victory_tea2085(z6 Ny)

My prayers are with you. Paul F B

    Bookmark   June 13, 2005 at 9:03AM
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I am so sorry. I've lost my Dad and my best friend. Both of them were shockers too. I went around numb for a couple of days and then buried myself in work and hobbies to keep my mind from drifting. Pull your friends and family close and remember the good and the funny stories about your boyfriend. You can still keep his memory alive. Again, I'm truly sorry.

    Bookmark   June 13, 2005 at 9:05AM
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hammerl(z5-6 Amherst NY)


I am so sorry for your loss. I think that sudden, unexpected deaths like his are the worst, because you never really get to say goodbye knowing it's for the last time. Anyone that comes along to exchanges had to be worth his weight in gold. Hold tight to your memories of your times together. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

With deepest sympathy,
Valerie (hammerl)

    Bookmark   June 13, 2005 at 9:27AM
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kareen(z5 NY Renss.Co.)

My deepest condolences Laurette.
I will keep you and yours in my prayers and please know that love does live on after one passes. Please keep close to others for support, join a grief group, and be very kind to yourself. Remember he loved you and would want you to be alright. Hugs, Kareen

Here is a link that might be useful: Our pond and gardens

    Bookmark   June 13, 2005 at 9:41AM
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Laurette, 'the native flower gardener'!
I can't find any words for you that might help erase the pain or make you feel better for now. All I can say is that my heart goes to you. Hope gardening will help you find some solace, especially if Ron shared your passion. Hope all the seedlings he helped you water will thrive. Your garden may be filled with memories of happy moments you spent together and this is going to make his loss even more present. It is O.K. to cry, you know! You don't have to be strong ...right now.
and stay out of those stinging nettles, and, don't lose too many tools...!!!!


    Bookmark   June 13, 2005 at 1:40PM
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marybz5ny(zone5 NY)

Oh Laurette, my heart goes out to you. I am just at a loss for words. As Brenda said, it was so obvious last Sunday that you and Ron were so happy and definitely made for each other. I know you have many wonderful memories of times together. Hold tight to those memories and let friends be your strength right now. I am here if you need to talk.
Hugs to you,

    Bookmark   June 13, 2005 at 8:48PM
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husky004_(z5 NY)

Laurette-my thoughts and prayers are with with you...hold every memory and good thought you have with Ron...there are reasons that people come into our lives and there was certainly a reason for he was in your life...remember all the laughs the love and the memories...Kathy

    Bookmark   June 13, 2005 at 11:49PM
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garden_frog(Z6 Western NY)


As I said in my email, I am so sorry for your loss. It is so hard to lose someone in such an unexpected way. Thank you for the reminder to appreciate our loved ones, it is so easy to forget how precious our time with them is.

If there is anything I can do to help you through this hard time, please let me know. I will be thinking of you.


    Bookmark   June 14, 2005 at 5:16PM
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lucy925(z5 NY)

Hi Laurette, My husband just showed me the newspaper about Ron what a shock. I'm so very sorry, the swap was the first time I had met Ron and I thought he was friendly then we found out he had known my husband through softball, and as you probably know, Ron came over and gave my husband a hand haying on a unrelenting hot day, and even offered to do another day. He was a good man, and you will miss him but

Its not a good-bye, its a see you later.

    Bookmark   June 14, 2005 at 6:26PM
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jlui(z6 UpstateNY)


I am so sorry to hear this horrible news. I will keep you and Ron in my thoughts as I tend my garden - several plants in it were gifts from you! Just like our gardens our lives are meant to be shared. I'm glad you got to share some of yours with someone as kind and thoughtful as your Ron -- and I'm so very sorry to hear that he is gone. If I can do anything for you, please let me know.


    Bookmark   June 14, 2005 at 10:36PM
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My deepest sympathy for your loss. I pray that you will be able to survive this bitter blow and keep Ron in your heart forever.

    Bookmark   June 15, 2005 at 8:02AM
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penny1947(z6 WNY)

I am without words for your loss. I am glad that we were all able to meet him at Tara's. Cherish your memories and good times together. My thoughts and prayers are with you.


    Bookmark   June 15, 2005 at 12:08PM
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jannie(z7 LI NY)

I am so sorry for your loss.

    Bookmark   June 15, 2005 at 8:20PM
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Dear L.
I don't know you and probably will never meet you but your posting broke my heart. If I can feel pain over your story, I can only imagine what you must be feeling... It is inexplicable -- not only how you feel, but also what happened to Ron. Remember only the good things and fine memories that you have of him. Keep him close to your heart for now and reassure yourself that when you love someone that love never dies, it just goes on in a different form. We all share each other's lives in these forums and it too is a form of love. You have many supporters here and in your exchange group. Tending a garden is a positive optimistic outlook on life--you must hang on to that. Know that time will fade the pain. May God bless you and keep you emotionally and physically strong during the coming year.

    Bookmark   June 16, 2005 at 9:30AM
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Hooti(z5 NY)

Thanks to all of you for your support. If you are wondering if it makes a difference, it does. When all is lost and nothing can be fixed having ones pain acknowledged and shared can make a world of difference.

It is still hard for me to communicate, that is why it took so long for me to reply.

I am extremely thankful for the kindness and support of Ron's family, for, in their own time of grief, acknowledging my loss and Ron and my place in each other's lives.

Ron was buried with his parents and younger brother in the cemetary in his family's Parish in Darien, where he went to Catholic School until 8th grade. There were services at the mortuary by a Presyterian Minister. My aunt, who is a Spiritualist Reverend in East Aurora read a poem from the Egyptian Book of the Dead, at my request, and commital services were done by both reverends. Mass cards were sent by members of the Parish. I figure if all that doesnt get him into heaven it had to at least give everyone in pergatory a good laugh. I like to think of it as a potluck funeral.

Ron's Grandmother, who turned 90 last fall, gave me offical family status by scolding me for not coming to visit often enough. I will chuckle for the rest of my days at the memory of her standing up halfway through commital and announcing "I can't sit this long!"

Ron and I had matching crystals that we used to touch to each other in greeting and farewell. I would yell "Power People, Unite!" He was wonderful at humoring me. He was buried with his on. I am very greatful to his family for keeping up the tradition of humoring me.

I am going to make Ron his own web page, but I think it will be alittle while. Meanwhile I put my favorite picture up. It was taken last christmas eve, and is how I will always remember Ron. It is the exact look he would give me during the yelling of "Power People....!" he he.

The link at the bottom of the page is the poem my aunt read.

While driving to the memorial services I pushed all kinds of buttons on the radio and said "the song that comes on next is from Ron". The song under the picture is it.

Thank you for letting me ramble on. I am lucky to be humored by so many people :o).


Here is a link that might be useful: Ron

    Bookmark   June 22, 2005 at 3:13AM
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marybz5ny(zone5 NY)

Hi Laurette,
Thank you for coming on to post and let us all know how you are doing. I have thought of you many times this past week and hoped that you were coping with this all as best as possible.

Sounds like you had a very meaningful "potluck" service for Ron and that his family has been very supportive for you. I am glad that you have that.

My daughter Anna asked that I convey to you her sympathy. She said she had several nice conversations with Ron that Sunday at Tara's and thought what a nice person he was.

Please stay in touch with us and let us know that you are okay.

P.S. Wonderful picture of Ron.

    Bookmark   June 22, 2005 at 11:14PM
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rini(Rochester, NY)

Hi Laurette-

I'm sorry to hear the news. My husband was also sad to hear the news -- he had a really nice time at the plant swap talking with Ron and hearing about his garden.

If there is anything we can do, please let me know.

    Bookmark   June 23, 2005 at 3:10PM
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I haven't met you, but I felt I had to add my condolences to the rest. It sounds as if you and Ron had a wonderful relationship. Take time to grieve and then allow yourself to remember all the good things you had together. He'll always be with you in your heart.

Best wishes,

    Bookmark   June 23, 2005 at 4:14PM
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Good to see you back on the forum, Laurette. Bon courage,

    Bookmark   June 23, 2005 at 8:44PM
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I am so sorry for your loss. I am at a loss for words, but wanted to let you know how sorry I am.

    Bookmark   June 24, 2005 at 7:52AM
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Laurette, I don't know you but I can imagine the hurt that you are feeling. Please be strong at this time and all of our thoughts are with you. Giniene

    Bookmark   June 24, 2005 at 10:07AM
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