OT: I'm so angry, I could spit!

ishareflowersOctober 10, 2010

Hello All!

I came here to vent!

I got an invitation to another plant swap site in my email the other day.

I gladly headed over to check it out and even responded to a few posts offering seeds that people were looking for. I was sending the seeds on my dime and wasn;t looking for anything in return!

I then was cleaning out my back garden and decided that I have way too many prickly pear cactus plants and offered them up for postage ($2 in cash or stamps).

I popped into the site this morning to find this posted to the group!!! I also got a private email stating that when trading a newbie has to send first and that to give them the plants I have to send them and wait for the postage money..

I wouldn't mind BUT I asked for nothing in return...How is this a trade??? I was just trying to get rid of some extras and share with others as I have done here on the gw!

Please tell me that I am over reacting, how would you feel???

Once upon a time, we had a trader who came into the group, and I will call her Sleeping Beauty. She seemed like a real Beauty of a member -- making many wonderful beautiful offers to our group of members who were very excited about her. And she appeared to have been "sleeping" all this time, because no one had ever seen her before or heard of her before! She appeared to have awakened from her sleep to become active in this group. VERY ACTIVE.

This Sleeping Beauty quickly made many, many beautiful offers to the membership in the land of Plantswap. Lickety-split!! Many members, whom I will call (for the sake of this silly fairytale/fable) -- Dumpy, Frumpy, Goofy, Silly, Tilly, and Milly -- ALL quickly jumped at her offers and emailed her right away that they wanted what she had, and how could they get some?

"Very easy," replied Sleeping Beauty , "just send me the money, stamps, cash, or what you have to trade, to get what I am offering! Why, I will even settle for SASE!"

Even though this Sleeping Beauty came out of nowhere, the people of the Land of Plantswap loved her right away! Everyone wanted what she offered! They couldn't move fast enough to send their hard-earned money, cash, stamps, plants, seeds and cuttings to her! Sleeping Beauty smiled at how popular she instantly became in the Land of Plantswap :)) (We should all be so lucky, yeah).

Well, Dumpy, Frumpy, Goofy, Silly, Tilly, and Milly all felt wonderful! They had sent their hard-earned money, cash, stamps, plants, seeds and cuttings to Sleeping Beauty, and now all they had to do was sit and wait for the wonderful things she promised. They dreamed of how their wonderful garden would improve by what they got from her, when they got it!

They waited.

Then they waited some more.

Then they waited and waited and WAITED.

More and more time went by, and soon they wondered what happened? What happened to all the wonderful things that they were supposed to get from Sleeping Beauty? Come to think of it, WHERE was Sleeping Beauty? Did she go back to sleep?

Dumpy, Frumpy, Goofy, Silly, Tilly, and Milly each tried to contact Sleeping Beauty, all to no avail. After a while they became very sad, and tired of waiting for her.

But, Sleeping Beauty was too busy using all the money and stamps to care about Dumpy, Frumpy, Goofy, Silly, Tilly, and Milly!! With her new bounty, she went out to buy or order new plants, seeds and cuttings for herself from what she had gotten -- a treasure trove when you added it all up because she had made many such wonderful offers in other places too -- not just to the members of Plantswap Land ! Oh my, she was busy, busy, busy!! She had sooooo many wonderful new plants, seeds and cuttings that she received from everyone's hard work and efforts! She had to plant them all in her beautiful garden which grew more beautiful with each and every delivery that her mailman made to her door! And all it took was a few words and posts in Plantswap Land , that’s all!! Free, freee, freeeeee!!!

In the meantime, Dumpy, Frumpy, Goofy, Silly, Tilly, and Milly all wondered what happened. They saw that there were many more new things being offered in the land of Plantswap by many members who were established traders with a TRACK RECORD IN THE GROUP. They realized that they did not follow the laws of the land of Plantswap, which were called POLICIES & PROCEDURES, designed to PROTECT THEM! They quickly saw that other members were getting what they could not, because they had already spent their hard earned money, stamps, plants, seeds and cuttings on Sleeping Beauty’s offers, and now they had nothing more to give for what they saw being offered in the group.

When they realized that they had been cheated, Dumpy, Frumpy, Goofy, Silly, Tilly, and Milly all tried to appeal for help, but it was to no avail. All of the other members of the Land of Plantswap felt terrible for them, of course. But, the world goes on, and they too, were much too busy to cry over spilled milk. Especially because it wasn’t their spilled milk. It was Dumpy, Frumpy, Goofy, Silly, Tilly, and Milly’s spilled milk. Oh my! The other members of the land of Plantswap were just too busy, happily making many wonderful trades safely with other established members of the group who were GREAT TRADERS with an established trading record!!

Poor Dumpy, Frumpy, Goofy, Silly, Tilly, and Milly! They had turned their backs on what had been advised time and again, to ensure their happiness and success in the Land of Plantswap because they chose to throw all caution to the wind. They now realized that the money, time and effort that they gave to Sleeping Beauty could better have been spent on getting themselves things to beautify THEIR own gardens, rather than her's. But it was much too late.

This is a fable with a sad ending, unfortunately, for Dumpy, Frumpy, Goofy, Silly, Tilly, and Milly. But, surprise! It was also a sad ending for Flopsy, Mopsy, and Topsy who secretly, dug under the fence without anyone's knowing because they contacted Sleeping Beauty privately, and no one even knew ....till it was too late for them, too.




GARDEN WEB IS THE BEST and I'm sorry that I strayed away...


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I forgot to mention that I joined in the last week so noone has been waiting and waiting!!!!!! One member already got the seeds that I sent her on MY dime!


    Bookmark   October 10, 2010 at 12:04PM
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Since you haven't had time yet to even respond to requests, is it possible the poster of this message is confused, and referring to someone else?

    Bookmark   October 10, 2010 at 1:06PM
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I guess it could have been for someone else but I don't think so....

I posted them for postage and answered the two people interested in the same day telling them that I would send my addy and it would probably be around $2 for postage.

then the site owner posted her message about snow white just ten minutes prior to sending me an email stating that I would have to send my "trade" first because I am new and basically could rip them off. I can't imagine someone would ruin a good name for $4..haha

I may just be on my last nerve... got alot of unpleasent things going on with my youngest child :(


    Bookmark   October 10, 2010 at 1:32PM
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I am sorry that happened Lisa. You are one of the most sharing people I've met in the entire Kingdom-it is their loss in the Land of Odd.
Your Fairytale was lot's of fun, though.

    Bookmark   October 10, 2010 at 4:30PM
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Thank you for your kind words BUT the fairytale that was told WAS ABOUT ME!!! I didn't write it, the owner of the group did! I guess she thinks that I'm a slime..... I sent her a message and a link to the larrys iris thread.

I will have to honor the so called "trades" that I made (since when is giving things away a trade) but will have to decide if I want to play there in the future. as I said, I may be a tad over zealous due to the crap with my youngest PITA of a son!


    Bookmark   October 10, 2010 at 6:02PM
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Lisa, I'm with Alana! I've ALWAYS thought you were one of the more generous traders here on the GW! I've been in a few round robin swaps you were in, and the recipients of your boxes have never had reason to complain. Whoever posted that story about you is completely in the wrong, and knows nothing about you!

    Bookmark   October 10, 2010 at 7:17PM
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I know you are reliable and I am sorry your were treated so rudely but we have had people like "sleeping beauty" on this site also so caution is always recommended. But public humiliation without cause is never acceptable. My plants are doing well by the way, thanks again.

    Bookmark   October 10, 2010 at 7:24PM
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Lisa, given the new information you posted - the site owner has a power issue. The appropriate path, if she felt you were approaching the issue wrongly, would have been to email you FIRST - and then, if she couldn't resolve the issue with you privately (which should get several tries, I think), do a public posting. Even then, it should be a simple warning to others - the fairytale analogy was just plain immature, a "look-at-me-I'm-so-clever" move.

That all being said, that would only be IF you violated some rules. Frankly, I don't think you did anything wrong. Stay here on GW where we love ya! :)

    Bookmark   October 10, 2010 at 8:14PM
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I'm sorry that you were insulted. Chances are she did the best she could to try with her story to explain why new members are asked to send first.

I treat trading like gambling and don't trade anything I can't afford to loose. that being said I have been given weed seed in trades and wasn't too happy about it when I was told that what I had babied along all winter was a weed.

I had to decide right there and then if the joy of trading was worth the risk. For me personally, I decided that trading was worth it since I meet many wonderful people like you and only a few that are nasty.

But I do keep track of what I trade with whom so that if my "roses" come up "dandilions" I know who to blame.

I hope you will continue to trade and have many happy experiences to over shadow that bad one.

    Bookmark   October 11, 2010 at 11:51AM
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angelady777 (was angelady on GW) - Zone 6(6)

Please, don't take it personally, Lisa. We all know you quite well here and know that you are one of the most generous traders around!!!! I'm also a member of that group. It might seem like a power trip, but honestly, all it is is that they're trying to protect their members. They have ridiculously long and complicated "trading" rules and policies, yes, absolutely. At the same time, though, they are truly just trying to be one of the best trading groups around that members can be pretty sure that they are secure in their trades. I really do believe that's all it is. They take pride in their group policies and procedures. I've been there long enough to see some new members who do try to take advantage, so this is their way of trying to keep it from happening whenever possible.


    Bookmark   October 11, 2010 at 7:35PM
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Thanks everyone! I know who I am and that I would never intentionly send bad seed or steal postage $$ from someone!

It was the snow white story that got me!

I understand that every group must have rules and I have no problem abiding by them for the protection of others BUT what about me ???

I wouldn't mind but how can anyone get burned when I have to pay the postage and wait for them to repay me AFTER they get my plants. I am the one at risk here, they could get my plants and not send me the postage $$ that I put out to give them my extras.

Maybe, I'm letting other things that are going on in my life affect me a bit too much and being way to sensitive about the whole issue.

Have a great day!

    Bookmark   October 12, 2010 at 8:05AM
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Wow! At first I thought you had written the fairytale business, and I thought, "Woo, baby! Lisa's mad!" But, now to find out that you were SENT that message by the owner? Seems quite ridiculous. Tell them that you could have been their Prince Charming, riding in on your White Steed loaded with all the seeds and plants you generously share, but perhaps not today. That's quite an e-mail to send to somebody. I can understand them not wanting to be taken advantage of, but sometimes a short, sweet, simple request is better than a long drawn out story. Her story got awfully whiney, if you ask me.

    Bookmark   October 12, 2010 at 6:35PM
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angelady777 (was angelady on GW) - Zone 6(6)

Yes, it really was kind of an extreme story. Ugggh... I think it was done to avoid hurting feelings as they have done in the past, but it did quite the opposite. I'm so sorry, Lisa! You sure didn't deserve to feel the way they made you feel!


    Bookmark   October 12, 2010 at 7:06PM
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Lisa - I have always had good experiences with your seeds in round robins. Please don't let this discourage you.

    Bookmark   October 13, 2010 at 9:55PM
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ramazz(8a VA)

Everyone is a newbie, when they join a new site. How does the person in charge of this site expect it to grow if she/he doesn't give people a chance to prove themselves? What do they want, a resume and references? Obviously, you could provide those. You probably have a better reputation than the person with the superiority complex who runs this site.


    Bookmark   October 14, 2010 at 8:00PM
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Whoa boy that was the MOST INAPPROPRIATE post EVER made. Its actually a flame. The bummer of it is, if you decide not to post there, they will decide that you actually were a scammer be proud that they ran you off.

It's rude and disrespectful. You cannot win this one.

The owner SETS THE TONE for the board and she's set a really bad example.

    Bookmark   October 17, 2010 at 10:57AM
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Hello All,

Just a quick note...I decided to stay and continue to offer extras!

Just as Doris pointed out, if I don't continue to play, they will think I am a scammer!! Why do I care???? NO CLUE!!

Thank you all for your input

    Bookmark   October 17, 2010 at 12:59PM
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xiangirl zone 4/5 Nebraska(5)

Have you noticed some people never mature out of junior high? You're above them, Lisa. Keep up the good work. The rest of us who have graduated junior high level maturity will enjoy swapping, story-telling and smiling. Wrap up the memory in a mental box, attach a mental anchor and drop it in the ocean never to be opened and live your life. Free yourself from it (and whatever else in your life you need freeing from).

    Bookmark   October 21, 2010 at 2:22PM
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zubababy(6b Utah)

((((((Lisa))))) Hope you've got everything straightened out. You've always been a wonderful trader to so many people here.

    Bookmark   October 24, 2010 at 11:42AM
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Hi Lisa. It would be helpful to know what site/group you are talking about. Did I miss it?

    Bookmark   November 5, 2010 at 2:23PM
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OMGosh,I can not believe some one would behave so badly.
When I first found gardenweb, it was you, Lisa, who sent me an amazing bag of seed,and I have never forgotton your kindness.
Thank you once again.
I am with "crabs",what site are you talking about?
I am so sorry you are going through this,you deserve much better.

    Bookmark   November 6, 2010 at 4:04PM
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Crabs, I decided not to post the groups name. I have continued to play there because if I run away they will think they are right!!

Carol, Thank you for the kind words...I didn't remember sending you seeds until you mentioned it. I hope you got good germination!!


PS: the story has been posted again for another new member!

    Bookmark   November 8, 2010 at 6:55AM
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Lisa, every thing you sent to me, grew great!
You sent me some varigated,K.M.O.T.G.G.,that I was wishing for so badly.
They were beautiful,bbut did not come back the next year, I am sure it was something I did, or did not do.
I hope someone from the other site visits this one,hold your head high, you have nothing to be ashamened of,take a deep breath,and let it go.You are not the first one this has happened to I am sure,last year,at halloween,there was a person,who took a gift exchange,and never sent one in return, I was the one who did not receive, execpt some kind garden friend,jumped in,and made good on the exchange. ,It is sad,some people are so desperate for something free eh.
Isn't there a rate and review still on here?It has been a year since I made a visit to it.

    Bookmark   November 8, 2010 at 10:41PM
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Few things are worse than being accused of something you didn't, or had no intention of doing, particularly when it happens in a public forum. It is so humiliating and there is no way to protect or defend yourself when it SEEMS to others reading the forum that the person writing it might have some personal information

The site host, if she wanted to send a warning, could have simply posted a word about being careful and cautious. Instead, for her to write that long, involved Fairytale is just downright strange, totally uncalled for, and rather creepy.

I would have been FURIOUS.

    Bookmark   November 9, 2010 at 2:02AM
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KMS, I was furious but I have made sasbe offers and a couple of trades just to prove her wrong! I have over thirty trades there already.I think that 3 were trades and the others offers. I guess you just cant be nice wothout being accused of being a dirtbag!

Carol, The kmotgg is an annual,it reseeds everywhere for me! I have fresh seeds. If you would like some drop me a line with your addy and I'll get a packet out to you..


    Bookmark   November 14, 2010 at 6:33AM
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Lisa, been there, done that! It turned out the person who did it to me was very angry (terminally ill). Sad, really.

It's hard to believe that someone has already gone shack-happy, but who knows?

Remember all the folks who know different, and let is pass. She (he) may be enoying all the attention.

This person may actually think they are a good writer, LOL!

    Bookmark   November 14, 2010 at 4:42PM
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Lisa,An annual??I did not know, no wonder they did not come back,lol
Yes,I would love to grow them again.Thank you.

Oh, I will send you my addy. :0)

    Bookmark   November 14, 2010 at 7:24PM
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cody_mi(z5 MI)

just to let you know, i also got an invitation to that yahoo group. i didn't know anyone there, so was a bit confused as to why i'd be invited, but i went and read everything that was sent to me. i also offered things for postage and they were more expensive things. i got several reprimand emails from several different people and then the same sleeping beauty email was sent to me. i refuse to send my plants first and then await postage. i'm trusting, but i'm not stupid, like i said, i didn't know any of those people. i found the majority of them to be rude and kind of greedy. i emailed the group owner, told her how i felt and then left the group. i'm not against rules, but i am against plant trade gestapo.

    Bookmark   November 23, 2010 at 11:23PM
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angelady777 (was angelady on GW) - Zone 6(6)

I've had a couple issues there myself. I guess there are some issues with how they came across because I did spend some time crying about it off and on. I thought, kind of like Lisa, that I was being too sensitive. Now, with all the different opinions, it definitely seems they have some problems with how they communicate to their members. I still think their hearts are in the right place, but they should work with how they communicate what they need to, or basically, they need to work on how they come across to others. Cody used the word "reprimand" which is very much how they come off.

Anyways, Lisa, I'm glad you've successfully completed so many "trades" there as they call them. I've been trading there for over a year and haven't done near that many! There are some great members there as you get to know the individuals. I'm glad I blew off the issues there to be able to get to know some of the great gardeners/people in the group.


    Bookmark   December 7, 2010 at 6:41AM
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As I stated in one of my posts above, I have to stay or they will think they are right!

I do see that some are very kind and will probably stay around for the other traders. I have to spread my seed around! LOL

Have a great Day!


    Bookmark   December 7, 2010 at 8:57AM
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You know Lisa, I just wanted to pipe in that you have sent me quite a few fun trades. I wouldn't even consider continuing with their group. They don't deserve you and your time is precious.

    Bookmark   December 8, 2010 at 3:08PM
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Thank you for the kind words, I will share anytime and just about anywhere....

I can't leave now...the mods will think I'm snow white and I can't have them thinking they are right! I'm Italian and we always have to be right...lol


    Bookmark   December 8, 2010 at 8:16PM
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"downright strange, totally uncalled for, and rather creepy."
well put!

    Bookmark   December 8, 2010 at 11:06PM
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leann2800(z8 GA)

Lisa, I think it is terrible that they did that. Even if they were trying to remind you of a policy they could have been brief and professional. Instead they tell that story and get all smart about it.

Its kind of you to stay in but I doubt it will make them see you the way you are. You ARE good and kind and you trust others and generously trade. But, they will not see that because they are suspicious. If they saw problems when there were none before, they will do so again. There is nothing noble about being martyr to their "issues".

I have enjoyed trading with you. I hope your future trades go well.

    Bookmark   December 25, 2010 at 5:43PM
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