The Onion reports on Obama's speech

david52 Zone 6September 7, 2012

CHARLOTTE, NC: With the savage roar of the heathen Democratic horde rising all around him, President Barack Obama delivered an incendiary speech to close his party's national convention Thursday night, commanding the ultraprogressive minions in attendance to help him "destroy Jesus and usher in a new age of liberal darkness that shall reign o'er the earth for a thousand years."

The thunderous 45-minute address - during which the president argued for a second term so that he could "finally kill Jesus once and for all, as well as all those who worship him" - was well received by the frenzied, wild-eyed audience, whose piercing chants of "Four more years!" and "Slaughter the believers!" echoed throughout the Time Warner Cable Arena.

"My fellow Americans and godless infidels, I command you to join me as we cast an endless pall of far-left evil across the hills and valleys of our nation!" Obama bellowed from the stage, as thousands in attendance moaned in compliance and gyrated their hips and groins in a lascivious dance. "Together, as a barbarian people forged by the wicked flames of irreligiosity and united by visions of a liberal dystopia, we will rise up as one to scorch the earth with boundless amorality."

"The streets shall run red with the blood of forced sodomy, performed daily upon every American man, woman, and child!" the commander-in-chief shouted, froth forming around his mouth as the crowd threw hundreds of aborted fetuses onto the stage. "Die, Christians, die!"

Slamming his fists on the lectern until his hands began to bleed, Obama proceeded to lay out a "three-point plan of sin and lechery" for his second term. If reelected, the president said, he would begin by banning organized religion entirely - starting with Christianity - and burning all churches to the ground, preferably "with their wretched, Jesus-loving congregants still huddled inside like rats."

As members of the audience violently tugged at their genitals and howled like sex-starved, atheist wolves, Obama stated that his administration would then seek to make free, taxpayer-funded abortions legal at any stage of pregnancy, even up to one full year after birth, in order to supply his newly created "federal stem-cell harvesting plants" with raw materials.

In addition, the cackling president vowed to "end traditional marriage as we know it" by passing legislation that would allow only homosexuals to raise children, a longtime Democratic policy goal.

"A glorious new age of sinister, unconstrained liberalism is dawning! Oh, dear Satan, I can feel it coursing through my veins at this very moment!" shrieked Obama, ripping off his shirt to reveal an ornate tattoo of a pentagram, with a different homosexual act positioned at each of the star's five points. "Agnosticism, contempt for human life, and radical sexual experimentation shall rule the day! Any good, virtuous, family-values-oriented Christian Americans who seek to topple our magnificent liberal kingdom of eternal darkness will be powerless to stop us! We will crush them!"

Added Obama, "Thank you, may Satan reward you all, and may God tremble in fear at the United States of America!"

The president was then handed an unbaptized, orphaned newborn baby drenched in the blood of 666 slaughtered Christians, which he handed over to its new, gleefully squealing homosexual parents.

Here is a link that might be useful: check out the photo shop

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david52 Zone 6

Their take on Biden's speech is pretty funny as well, but won't copy and paste it, what with some language issues

Here is a link that might be useful: Biden's speech

    Bookmark   September 7, 2012 at 10:26AM
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As funny as that is, it will probably go viral as "truth" to Romney-supporters. They won't know the difference since they didn't watch the actual speech, and they'll forward it to all their friends as "truthiness".

    Bookmark   September 7, 2012 at 10:27AM
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Wow. Totally disrespectful. That piece is bad news.

    Bookmark   September 7, 2012 at 10:29AM
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I'm sorry I missed it!

    Bookmark   September 7, 2012 at 10:32AM
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Pretty funny !

    Bookmark   September 7, 2012 at 10:36AM
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Wouldn't be the first time that some take the onion at face value.

    Bookmark   September 7, 2012 at 10:43AM
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nancy_in_venice_ca Sunset 24 z10

I've no doubt that the Onion piece is a reflection of what some people actually heard from President Obama's speech.

    Bookmark   September 7, 2012 at 10:44AM
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marquest(z5 PA)

It hurts me to see stuff like this play on the brain dead and will believe because they were too afraid to watch a convention because they did not support one party or another.

Refusal of factual info but willing to believe the bizarre will be the downfall of this country.

    Bookmark   September 7, 2012 at 10:59AM
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I'm waiting for my ex-MIL to send it to me, outraged, yet finally certain that this is the "true" nature of the President. I should also expect to see the same sentiments on my DSIL father's Facebook page.

I get down on my knees every day and thank the flying spaghetti monster for helping us to escape such nutty families.

    Bookmark   September 7, 2012 at 1:16PM
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marquest(z5 PA)

I get down on my knees every day and thank the flying spaghetti monster for helping us to escape such nutty families.

momj47 You made my Friday. I needed that laugh.

    Bookmark   September 7, 2012 at 2:02PM
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Oh, me too, Mom! :-)

And I, too, expect to get at least one email... possibly more... from persons absolutely aghast at what the President "said"... to end with, "see? I told you so!", while I laugh at the ridiculousness of it all!

Then I'll have to respond reminding them that the quotes are from the Onion, and purely for satire's sake. It does get old.

    Bookmark   September 7, 2012 at 2:08PM
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david52 Zone 6

Well, you knew The American Thinker wouldn't be far behind......

"snip - Speaking of moving forward, "Forward" itself is one of these dying euphemisms upon which the Obama team has staked its bold pitch for a chance to finish the job of disemboweling the constitutional republic. "Forward," closely tied to the idea of "progress," is a well-known leftist battle cry, rooted in Marxist dialectical materialism, with its notion of history's inexorable march towards the workers' paradise. "Forward" has a distinguished pedigree among communists and socialists. (See here and here.) The idea that no one among the White House staff or campaign apparatus was aware of this unfortunate association with Marx, Engels, Trotsky, Lenin, and Mao is absurd. One wonders whether any of these people were not aware of it.

The political history of the slogan "Forward" is, of course, quite consistent with Obama's agenda of taking over industries, punishing the wealthy, rallying citizens along class lines, assuming control of health care, and "sharing prosperity." And Obama, raised and educated by communists and socialists, knows this. His campaign's catchword is meant, in part, to tease his opponents, like a child waving a cookie just beyond the reach of a dog on a leash. Everyone knows what he is saying, but no one can "pin it on him."

And now, at the Democrat Convention, we have the slogan, displayed above the stage, of "Progress for People" -- dying euphemisms all around. First of all, we have "progress," which is now widely understood on all sides to be the kinder, gentler term for "socialism." Then, of course, we have "People."
There are two Koreas. ROK stands for "Republic of Korea." DPRK stands for "Democratic People's Republic of Korea." Does anyone need to be told which one is North Korea? We have the People's Republic of China, "power to the people," "people over profits." In modern politics, everyone understands, at least vaguely, that the word "people" has, since the 1960s, been a common trope of leftist class warfare, of anti-capitalist propaganda, of "the struggle."

So the Obama campaign is rallying its supporters with a wink -- it's "Forward" with "Progress for People." The heart of today's Democratic Party is undoubtedly all for this -- in truth, they would probably prefer to get past all this clever wordsmithery and just get on with the revolution. The electorate at large, on the other hand, is being tested. Can it bear this barely veiled language of leftism? If Obama can win with the least euphemized declaration of socialism any U.S. presidential candidate has ever made, there will be nothing to prevent him from going "forward" with those aspects of his agenda that he has hitherto regarded as too far out of the American mainstream to reveal outright -- even farther out there than ObamaCare, EPA drones, nationalized auto companies and student loans, bankrupting debt, and presidential fiat. snip "(

Much more at the link

Here is a link that might be useful: The American Thinker once agan

    Bookmark   September 7, 2012 at 5:22PM
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David that was pretty good but I'd rather had some reference to communists, socialists, and islamists thrown in there for diversity.


    Bookmark   September 7, 2012 at 6:15PM
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nancy_in_venice_ca Sunset 24 z10

My party's convention passed without much notice on August 4 and 5 in Los Angeles.

With CA's new election law, my tiny third party might lose its place on the ballot.

    Bookmark   September 7, 2012 at 6:33PM
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