I have it! I saved "The Week After Christmas", an epic group effort, circa 2003. Or perhaps it's time we write another?
TWAS THE WEEK AFTER CHRISTMAS
And all through the house
Are half-eaten goodies....
I feel like a louse!
The black bags of rubbish are put out with care
In hopes that the dustbinman soon will be there.
(PS: for US readers substitute "garbageman" for "dustbinman"; for PC US readers substitute "environmental recycling operative")
But long before then the cats and the foxes
Have scattered the bottles, tins, paper and boxes
And all the street knows of your horrible vices
The beer, and the wine, the chocs and mince piecis.
And still under the tree
from both Santa and me
are mounds of toys
for my girl and my boy.
While I in my kerchief and he in his cap
Would love to settle down for a long winter's nap,
But the neighbors have put their decorations away
And I don't think Santa will be back with his sleigh.
So up to the housetop my dear one has gone
While I'm in the living room having a moan
As I undo the tree, the mantel, the tables;
Must *not* stop to read all the Santa Claus fables.
Then from the teen's bedroom there came such a noise
Of a thumping of bass and a wailing of voice;
I ran to the foot of the stairs with a frown
And shouted in rage, "Turn that bl**dy thing down!"
"No," screamed my teen, and my face turned red.
I stormed up the stairs to knock sense in his head.
But before I reached the top of the flight,
I heard a crashing sound in the night.
Old St. Nick on the roof top, I wondered,
No, t'was a burglar. We were getting plundered.
As I drew in my head
At the sound of the crash
My head hit the window
In a bone-splitting "SMASH!"
Twasn't a burglar
As I had suspected
Just our least favorite son
Who was feeling rejected.
Where is your spirit of Christmas?!
I heard myself bellow...
We've been waiting for you for a week
You ungrateful fellow!!!
Behold! At the sight of him, I stared and I shook!
He was clean, shaved and pressed!
A right spiffy look!
I couldn't believe how well he was dressed!
Hi Mom! He greeted me,
And grinned ear to ear.
His look had defeated me
Then he told me with cheer...
MY drug test was clear and my parole officer loves me,
My grades are all stunning and and Dad doesn't bug me.
I knew in a moment this must be a trick.
this kid's been a problem since late '96.
More rapid than relatives
Returning my gifts,
He insisted he'd changed
And would heal family rifts!
But I had decided to paint the town pink
And dressed in my diamonds, my thong, and my mink...
The town's hottest night-spot refused me admission
So I sat at the roadside and wrote a petition . .
Be careful with asking, my inner voice said;
(Believe me, I'm wishing they all would drop dead!)
When what to my wondering eyes did appear?
But a hunky policeman....
All decked out...
I cannot believe it was that long ago that we all concocted that treasure !
It still makes me laugh at the hilarity and cleverness.
What a tale !
One of my great achievements was participating in that poem. I printed it out and come across it in my desk drawer from time to time. It gives me a giggle whenever I read it.
It was a real moment in time, wasn't it !
We are all a wealth of considerable talent :0)
Yes, we are!
Wasn't there another later one? I remember contributing to a group poem but not this one.
Ann, are you possibly thinking of the thread we did a while ago writing limericks? We were all amazingly witty . . . yet modest. ;-)
WYM I like how that looks ! (Witty Yet Modest)
Vee, no, I am fairly sure it was another Xmas poem. It would have gone on longer but a contributor cut it short by adding a post Xmas ending, I recall.
I can't remember my lines or I could get it back via Google, perhaps.
The only thing I recall was someone, Vee perhaps, adding lines. Something about posting the Christmas cards from last year that were found in the garage.
Ring any bells? This is bugging me!
Sorry Ann, not even a gentle chime coming my way.