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valentinetbear

Figuring the Balance Isn't Working So Well

valentinetbear
16 years ago

I've been disabled with chronic pain along the abdomen's muscles since 1999, so I can't lean over for very long nor do anything strenuous without paying the price in more pain the following few days. On any given day, I can do physical activities for a total of three hours per day, and even then, need breaks about every 20 minutes for about 20 minutes. Add to that, it's just me and hubby, who is actually slightly more disabled then me. (I'm also allergic to just about every pollen, so have really picked a dumb hobby, but I just can't help it. LOL)

I used to attempt growing a few veggies occasionally, but got obsessed with gardening a few years ago. Thankfully, our "yard" is 16' X 16' and nothing but concrete, so I use containers for my garden, and have been busy collecting an assortment of odd things (a couple of old grills, an old red wagon bought at a flea market, and a child's picnic table bought by saving points for a year through one of those "Earn rewards by reading e-mail and visiting websites" places) to use as "plant stands" to raise the containers high enough that I don't have to lean over as long to water and deadhead every day. Now, not only does the garden include some tomato plants, but a few perennials, some succulents, a variety of herbs, a small rose bush, (which needs to be transplanted now) and I've sown a bunch of seeds a few weeks ago that are just waiting for the weather to be warm enough to be transplanted outside.

The problem? How can I keep gardening?

I have always been bad at estimating how long it will take me to do something. Had my own business before becoming disabled, and estimated how long a job would take, then doubled it to come up with a doable time period. I'm MUCH slower now, and have yet to figure out how to do this reasonably.

I tend to go through pure panic every year during May, and get so grumpy, because just doing basic housework takes so much time, it irks me that I have to keep putting off gardening, or squish in a little time, just because it HAS to be done NOW! (Planted a few mail-order plants today as it drizzled outside, because I didn't have time yesterday when they arrived, and they had about a tablespoon of dirt that they were shipped in!)

I could use some practical suggestions on how to garden and even enjoy it during planting season. No family near us. No kids. And, frankly, we had to give up most of our friends, simply because we aren't able to do much often, so there is no outside help available. With both of us disabled, we're living merely on disability, which puts us under the poverty line, even if our simple needs afford us such luxuries as Internet connection (which, in our case is both a luxury and a necessity, since this is where we learn about our health problems and,... connect with other people)and my garden. Also, no roses out yet to stop and smell, that picnic table is still in its box (and will need to be unloaded piece by piece, since the box is too heavy LOL), and I have no idea where all last year's compost will go (more like a globby mess with pine needles, old branches and twigs, and the &@$%# mint peaking through, even after covering it with 3 gallons of soil over the 3 gallons of yanked out mint roots from last summer) so the garden is merely a mess of containers stuck wherever they'll fit, until I can give them their permanent locations.

Seriously, how can I do this? Gotta garden, but I want to enjoy doing it, too.

Lynn

PS Just in case this thread turns out like I hope -- a group effort of folks, who've gone through what I'm still working through, and have learned stuff they'd like to share -- hubby and I have figured out one thing this year! We can no longer go on vacation in the middle of April, since that's when I should be sowing seeds, and planning the garden. From now on, we vacation in the Fall! (Rates are cheaper, when kids need to be in schools.) Chances are good, not many others will find that a bright idea, but that's all I've learned, so far. LOL

Comments (10)

  • oakleif
    16 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Hi Lynn, We seem to be in pretty much the same catagory in what we can do. I started a thread on this page that tells a little about me. I just started container gardening last year. I've bought 3 large pots at dollar General store for $5 each, one a month. yes moneywise i'm challanged too.
    I've been gardening for years and i want to save as many of my perenuals that i can. I've found out i can grow daylilies in containers and i've got a lot of daylilies. I've decided to go to Salvation Army to look for containers too.
    Before my DH passed away we always had a large garden. and i really miss it. I've grown tomatoes in 5 gal containers one year. and would like to try again if i can get some more containers. Since i live in the woods what it looks like does'nt matter except to me. We always grew the old indetermimate tomatoes so i'm very spoiled to taste.

    I understand your feeling of panic in the spring,there is always so much to do all at once it seems. I think rule #1 is don't plan more than you can do. You will learn what you can do after a couple efforts. Keep telling your self i will do only as much as i can comfortably and work on not thinking about what is not being done. This is a hobby, an enjoyment to help your mental and physical health. I have to work hard on giving myself permission to just enjoy and let go of the rest. But i know it can be done because i've known people who do it.
    I'm sorry about your DH, but at least you've still got each other. I really miss my DH.
    My DD lives next door but she is disabled from a botched back operation.
    I have major depression and my doctor wants me outside and tells me all the time the only daily thing that needs to be done is the dirty dishes and the commode. Cook enough for a couple of days, cook ahead if you have a place to freeze some things.So what things can you budget time on during the busy spring inside.

    DH and i learned when we retired that the fall was the best time to travel. temperature wise also.

    Do you ever have a hard time sleeping? I get my days and nights turned around, like tonight, and that messes my whole schedule up as i will be able to fall asleep in another couple hours and will be wiped out if i don't get some sleep and last few days i was sleeping nights.
    Have a great day,
    vickie

  • valentinetbear
    Original Author
    16 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Vicky,
    Boy, we are much alike. Funny you should ask about sleeping schedule! I wrote my post right before going to bed a couple of nights ago. Went to bed -- then got up 2.5 hours later! I did get some more sleep later yesterday, and did some more catching up last night, so I think I'm back on schedule. I had a bout of insomnia for most of this year that was fairly resolved when we went on vacation. Anymore, I don't even consider one bad night of sleep per week as insomnia, compared to those long bouts.

    I've really been taken with alternative containers, especially since I can get them free while trash picking or keeping up with our local Freecycle Network. (People ask for or offer items that would otherwise simply be trashed, but still have some life in them. To find your area's site check out this link -- http://www.freecycle.org )

    Granted, some times I do pay for the containers, but, if you know where to go (we just hit our local Goodwill Stores for the first time last week, looking for containers and found two -- a beatiful ceramic one for our small bay leaf and a cheapo plastic wagon that will only last a year or two), you can get the 5-6 gallon containers, for free or for $.50-$4 each. Below is the link to one page of one of my websites that gives a long list of unusual containers, and where you can find those 5-6 gallon containers, although I forgot to mention that my Dad gets his by buying kits to make wine, and gives many of them to me, afterwards. (I may not have kids, but I still enjoy playing and thinking young. LOL)

    Of course, once you get into containers, soil can get expensive. I've been buying much of my soil in the fall, when the leftover potting soil is on sale. I also supplement it with last year's dead annuals and the stuff that just blows into the yard -- leaves, buttonwood fuzz, and soil that leaches out of the bottom of containers, each time I water. (Last one is only doable if you have concrete for a yard, so you can tell the soil from the ground. LOL) My compost is left in five gallon containers with a multitude of holes on the bottom and lower sides, so the pill bugs can find it and enjoy making it into true compost during the winter. Add to that, I buy sandbox sand, which is more sterilized then builder's sand, a big bag of peat moss, and a couple of bags of perilite, to stretch out the bought potting soil more and mix it in with used soil and new compost.

    "Don't plant more then you can do," is my biggest problem! Eight years later, and I still can't figure out how much I can do. LOL Fortunately, I must be one of the world's worse seed sower, since only about a quarter of the seeds I start actually sprout AND grow to maturity. LOL (Yes, I use seed starte soil and containers, so it's not a problem with Damp Off.) This year, I'm even having trouble growing lettuce from seed! Last year, it grew quickly and easily.

    Well, good thing I read some good advice given to an advice columnist, when she brought home a whole pick-up truck full of annuals, and then realized how much time would be required to plant them all. She just sat in the midst of them, feeling overwhelmed, when her next door neighbor found her. The neighbor picked up a single container, handed it to her, and simply said, "plant one at a time!" Duh, now! LOL I guess that is part of the secret, realizing that we'll never get any of it done, unless we just set our minds to dealing with just one at a time!

    But, you are right. I do feel badly that hubby became disabled, but I'm sure glad I get to see more of him then I used to. I generally don't have to worry about dinner. He's a great cook and does most of it with great enjoyment and great results (as demonstrated by our great girths now, too. LOL) One thing I have learned in the last 8 years, that only other people in our situation truly understand -- the house will not fall down, if all the housework cannot be completed. LOL Sounds like something else we have in common -- a reduced sense of what absolutely has to be done for daily chores. ;)

    I sure hope your daughter can visit occasionally, so the two of you can sit in the garden and simply enjoy what you have so far! That's part of why I love gardening -- the amount of time hubby and I sit back there in the summer through September and just watch the tomatos fruit, the birds enjoying the bath and seeds, and the variety of herbs and flowers, as we just take it all in silently together.

    Lynn

    Here is a link that might be useful: Young Buds in the Garden

  • oakleif
    16 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    I just realized i had'nt answered your post. You had some good ideas for planters.
    Living out in the middle of nowhere i don't often get a chance to look for planters but i've got a forest full of limbs to make planters from.
    My DD had a medical accident that hurt her back and she does not get around as well as i do. Her thing is feeding birds. You would'nt beleive how many hummers she feeds She has about 15 feeders that she refills everyother day.
    Just went through another bout of depression and am going into town every Mon. Wed. and Fri.for group therapy.
    I agree one thing at a time has to be the law to live by.
    vickie

  • finchelover
    16 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    I developed Diabetes 2 couple years back,then 2 and half years ago my married son committed suicide,2 months later I had a mini-stroke. Now I am having pain in my upper thigh and doctors can't figure out why. Should know tomorrow. I have a spade,small 3 prong rake, and 2 weeks ago while out of town in a garden center found a long handled dandelion digger...these are a God send. I just learned to go out for short times and not over do.

  • rennep
    16 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Hi all! It is still raining in lovely Louisiana and all of our pockets are full now. Typical for us, it is either feast or famine in the rain department. I still have not learned how much I can do either. I am money challenge as well. Most of any disposable income is taken by health problems and co-pays. I moved my glider near my flower garden and small veggie garden so I can rest while down there. I have to take a lot of breaks as well. Usually more breaks than work. LOL I still try to do something outside everyday. I have had to learn to practice patience and remind myself that Rome was not built in a day. As far as the housework, I practice my Scarlett O'Hara--I'll worry about it another day. When I complain about not being able to do much, my Nephrologist tells me to sit down. Easy for him to say and do. I'm sure he has a housekeeper but he does have a point. We could be where we can't garden at all. So I have learned to appreciate anything I can get done. I am planting perennials mostly. I now take pictures of my newly planted babies.
    I feel like I have accomplished great things when I see pictures of baby plants that have grown into big plants.
    I am so much stronger today than I have been in the last year and I credit my gardening for that. I am thankful for anyday that I can dig in the dirt. It heals my soul!!
    Oh, I forgot to say that I do not sleep much any more so I clean my house when I can't sleep. It does give me more outside time. Happy gardening, Renne'

  • oakleif
    16 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Welcome finchelover, I'm a diabetic too. Thank goodness i only have to take pills and not insulin so far.

    I'm so sorry about your son. There is a woman in our therapy group whose sister committed suicide. So i can understand how much harder the grief process is for you.

    There seems to be a lot of people having mini strokes lately or more probably it's being talked about more.

    It sure does help to have the right kind of tools for our gardening efforts. I love my planters and pots and don't know why i waited so long to get them. I use the small hand tools to work mine.

    Renne' I've got all my pots up in front of my living and bed rooms so i can look out at them even when i'm not working in them. Over the years i've collected benches and angel statues and have had them brought up closer to the house too.

    Can you post your pictures here. I'd love to see them. I can't post pictures now but would like to someday.

    Loved the Scarlett O'Hara quote. lol

    Perennuals are easier to care for than annuals i think. I buy potting soil at a local nursery in big bags that is cheaper than soil from boxstores and i think it's better soil. I've got good garden soil in my flower beds but it is so full of weed seeds i don't want to use it. But i may end up having to. I need to start transplanting my iris next,
    vickie

  • luna_llena_feliz
    16 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Valentinetbear, is that your web site with the adorable stuffed animals helping in the garden? I have gotten such a charge out of it since I discovered it! You certainly make those furry helpers come to life.

    Lord, can I relate to you folks! My problem started about a dozen years ago. I was in more and more pain as time went by. Doctors were quick to blame it on my obesity. But I knew it was more than that. I finally was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, which was kind of a good and kind of a bad thing. At least I know what it is but can't really do much about it.

    Anyway, I can fully relate to the not knowing how much you can do. Especially if you have some days that are better than others. And it gets so dang frustrating when you think of the things you could do when you were younger.

    I think as we find ourselves able to do less and less, it is important to pick plants and flowers that are low maintenance so if you can't water them one day or check the weeds around them they will survive. I love native flowers like purple coneflowers, blacked eyed susans or easy grow flowers/plants like day lilies and hostas. I have become a sponge when it comes to soaking up knowledge about easy care plants.

    I also like the idea of using a variety of things for planters like an old wheelbarrow, an old galvanized tub or even an old toilet. If you ever need to get some ideas for odd things to use as planters, be sure to visit the Garden Junk forum. Those folks have some wonderful ideas! People find neat stuff in thrift shops, at dumps or along the curbs on garbage day.

    I think learning new things keeps us in better spirits and helps us to use our brains more when our bodies want to give up on us.

  • valentinetbear
    Original Author
    16 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    luna,
    Actually my name is Lynn -- my user name, ValentineTBear, is the stuffed bunny rabbit, (who is married to one of our Teddy Bears, Teddy T. Bear), who is in charge of all of us "Garden Gals" in our garden. After all, who knows gardens better then bunnies?! LOL I'm glad you enjoyed the Teddy Bear Garden. Obviously, not much time to update it during gardening season, but it will get done eventually. LOL

    I am learning this summer how to let go. Every time I have enough time to futz in the garden, I'm always surprised I don't get it all done, but I'm also never really surprised! I have a new saying: "Oh, well, it will have to wait!" LOL Right now deadheading my butterlfy bush is waiting, as is respraying (powdery mildew) all the leaves on my cukes, lilac, and pumpkin. (Pumpkin was an accident from seeds in squirrel food that squirrels wouldn't eat and pigeons, apparently spit out as they flew away, but, cool leaves! Now, cool pumpkins! I even like Quasimoto, the pumpkin named after the Hunchback of Notre Dame, because it is quite deformed growing through my chain link fences. LOL)

    The picnic table did finally get put together, and I gave up sowing seeds for the summer on June 15th. I kept sowing figuring they either would or wouldn't bloom (last seeds sown were morning glories, scarlet runner beans, and moonflowers. The scarlet runner beans have bloomed finally, and we're seeing tiny buds on the moonflowers, so we might see them yet! Lots of vines with huge leaves for all of them, so, at least we got a semi-private privacy fence out of all the sowing. LOL)

    Had a late start for the tomatoes too, so one out of five hasn't produced any red tomatoes STILL. Worse comes to worse, we get fried green tomatoes out of it, or pickled tomatoes. LOL

    With the finances being tight, I can only afford one or two periennels per year. Eventually, I'm hoping all flowers amd half the herbs will be perennials, or easy to sow annuals, like the scarlet runner beans, moonflowers and morning glories.

    This winter, we'll gear up earlier for seed sowing inside, so, by the time planting season is here, we have the veggies ready to go.

    THIS is the time of year, when it's easy to remember why I go through the spring thing every year -- just had homemade sphaghetti sauce last night with our own red peppers and herbs in it. Hubby said it was expensive restuarant good! (I think I might just have become the official sphaghetti sauce maker, but as long as I can use our own produce, that's fine with me. LOL)

    I also went grocery shpping the other day and passed by the tomatoes, red peppers and cukes finally! We have more then we need. The last time I bought red peppers they were $4 a pound, so, even if a tomato cost $64 (a paraphrase of a gardening book title), we're making up for that in homegrown red peppers. LOL

    And, I have finally gotten to the part of gardening, I've been striving for -- no more container buying! We're running out of room back there! We simply have no more room to put any more containers!!! Yippee! From here on out, we only buy new containers when old ones die, and I doubt any will die over the winter!

    I may never figure out how much I can do, but if I listen carefully, I do here my body clearly saying, "STOP NOW!" I will heed that ASAP. (Yesterday it told me that right after I finally got my teddy bear topiary put together and had painted the word "Hunnee" on a yellow round pot of ivy. I just had to fill that pot to the top again, place the bear on the pot, arrange the ivy, AND find a good place for them in the garden. Warning: wet peat moss, even if in the form of a bear, plus the container of ivy is REALLY heavy! Today my body is laughing at my misery, while telling me, "See?" I told ya!" I have the last laugh, it turned out nice enough that it's worth the extra pain. LOL)

    Welp, gotta get a couple little things done today -- body permitting, of course. LOL

    Just wanted to thank everyone for your replies. Now, if I can only remember to read this thread again, before getting in the same spot next year. LOL

    Thanks.

  • luna_llena_feliz
    16 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Lynn, just make sure you keep up the great work at your web site! It just tickles me pink everytime I see it. I think it makes a wonderful way to get little kids interested in gardening (besides us big kids).

    I discovered a site called Free Trees and Plants that gives away nursery quality plants and trees for the cost of shipping (which is around $7.95 for two). Now I have priced some flowers at other sites and I have yet to find one that sells for cheaper than $7.95 for two including the shipping. It sounds like a great organization for disabled people so ordering from them is a win/win situation. Click on the link below to get to it.

    I haven't tried it myself but I hope it is as good as it sounds.

    Here is a link that might be useful: Free Trees and Plants

  • valentinetbear
    Original Author
    16 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    luna,
    Next year when I buy more perennials, I'll have to remember to blame you, when hubby keeps asking the same question, "Where will you put it all?" Thanks for the link -- gave me hours of dreaming for next year! LOL