hello all. i have been visiting GW for about a year now and just found this forum. reading thru these posts really brought tears to my eyes as the thoughts/experiences seem so much like my own.

I was rear-ended by a drunk driver in 1987, spent 9 months in a back brace...and so began my odyssey of horror. I owned my own home and business and was determined not to lose either. i made it (barely) thru 7 years before i was incapable of continuing. i applied for ssdi. i wound up having to sell my business, rent out my home and move myself and two kids in with my mom. it nearly destroyed my spirit to do so. it took five yrs to settle the claim. in the end, i lost my health, my career, my savings, and the home i built and paid 13 years of mortg on.

as some of you have discussed, the effects have been devastating on my family - my kids and my extended family. it has been nearly 20 years now and the thing that may be the hardest for me is the change of perception my family has had about me. once i was the spunky, independent, world-traveller; now i am the family burden. ss may give you a pittance to live on and medical benefits, but they will not help you out with all those "little things" that have to be dealt with on a day to day basis - for that, one has to turn to family/friends...and they are now fatigued with the whole business. i've learned alot of little tricks - like how to walk with my foot slightly raised so my heels dont actually hit the floor. since they no longer see a pronounced 'limp' - i must be fine. i used to tell people how i was feeling, eventually i could see their eyes glaze over and now i just keep it to myself. so i must be a malingerer, too lazy to work. and above all, surely i am a whiner, why dont i just 'pick myself up by my bootstraps and go on?' even my pc has become proof that i am not willing to go to work - i mean after all, if i can spend an hour or two sitting at a pc, then surely i can get a job sitting at a pc. no one knows the machinations i go thru to sit here or how i pay if i stay too long. i am at a loss as to how to answer these allegations. i've responded with the truth of the situation so often that eyes glaze over at the explanation...after all, they have heard it all before - no new news. why can they not understand that that is the exact point of it...nothing has changed.

as others have mentioned, i have seen friends fall away, i am no longer invited to parties at relatives; in fact, i have become a virtual recluse.

i am sorry to sit here and complain. of course there are others in worse shape than i am in, i know that...and "there is no use in complaining, no one cares anyway" as my granny used to say.

i just wanted to introduce myself and say 'i get it, i am there too'. i will visit here again. i hope to glean tips on how to garden effectively in spite of my situation, i do enjoy it so.