Gee, that's a very good question. I've been trying to think of which flowers attract different kinds of bees.

First, there are several different types of bees. The big bumble bees seem to like all the flowers that hummingbirds like, that is, flowers with a cone shape like salvias. The smaller bees seem to be attracted to smaller flowers, especially the tops of my basil. Still, flowers with the most nectar are likely to attract both butterflies and bees.

The best plants for your purposes are probably larval plants. They usually don't flower much and they attract butterflies, probably even more plants that are used mostly for nectar. Those that do flower generally don't have a lot of blossoms. I would say that milkweeds are a good example. They do flower, but they don't seem to attract many bees on my property, but they do attract Monarchs.

Tom, that's a good point.

I would also like to stress that unless your mom walks through the yard barefoot over flowering plants or chases the bees with flyswatters, she's really unlikely to be stung.

I garden in whatever way required, and totally ignore all types of bees, and I haven't been stung by a bee (unless you count the yellowjackets whose nest I stepped in on the pond bank), in 30 years.

Honeybees die when they sting, so they tend to not do it unless as a last payback for someone stepping on them, etc. Bumblebees are just big dumb insect teddybears and unless you catch them, they don't act at all aggressive.

In summary, unless your bees are a lot meaner than mine, I think you're worrying over nothing.

Are people with bee allergies also allergic to wasp stings? Not too long ago there was a post I think on the perennial forum about someone who wanted a garden but had a bee phobia. Almost every response was from people who garden a lot around bees and have never been stung. Most did caution to be aware of wasp nests though. Many had only gotten bee stings by walking barefoot in clover and stepping on one. Bees really are quite docile. Wasps usually aren't a problem unless you disturb their nest.

I think most plants for butterflies will also attract bees, my milkweed blooms are always loaded with bees. Larval host plants are very important, but I don't think you will see as many butterflies as you would with plenty of nectar plants as well.

I think the wisest thing would to be to always carry an epi-pen, and be aware of your surroundings to not disturb a wasp nest. Also try to not look and smell too much like flowers. Bright colors, sweet scents, sugary food and drinks nearby can all attract them to you. It is not that those things will make them sting you per say. If they are hovering around and crawling on you it is more likely you will inadvertently injure one and get a sting.