What, no blonde jokes? Are you guys all pretending to be politically correct, or something? ;-)

And the way I heard it...

Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Because they taste funny!

Hey - my joke was pictured at another place on the Interwebus - the dregs of fame are sure to come to me...

Here is a link that might be useful: Horsing Around

After dinner one day a boyfriend and girlfriend were making out on the couch in the living room.

Then the boyfriend felt a fart and he tried to hold it, but a little 'pfft' slipped out.

His girlfriend stopped momentarily to say "Rover get out from under the couch"

He soon felt another and believing she would blame it on the dog again let it out just a little louder than before.

Again his girlfriend stopped and said more firmly "Rover, get out from under the couch!"

'This is great' he thought. 'She's blaming it all on the dog'. So he let another one out as loud and stinky as he could.

She stopped and yelled "Rover get out from under the couch before he s***ts all over you!"

So the guy goes into a bar and orders drinks for everybody and says "Bartender have one for yourself". After the round the Bartender asks him to payup. "I got no money" he answers..Vroom-the bartender throw him out to the street.
Next night,-same thing,and again, adds bartender have one for yourself.The barkeep figures well, this time he must pay after being roughed up..so after the rounds -Ok pay up! "I got no money" Vroom! the bartender throws him out into the street again...
Third night,the guy shows up and asks for drinks for everybody-except the bartender! The bartender looks at the guy and asks "Why none for me?" to that the stranger answers,"Because you get violent when you drink!"

A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.

The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, "Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing?"

The farmer replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize."

"How?" asks the man, puzzled.

"Well, I heard they give the Nobel Prize . . . to people who are out standing in their field."

Oh ok.... I was going to resist posting, but here goes (this should really be started as a new topic)

An old lady is rocking away the last of her days on her front porch, reflecting on her long life, when--all of a sudden--a fairy godmother appears in front of her and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.
"Well, now," says the old lady, "I guess I would like to be really rich."

*** POOF *** her rocking chair turns to solid gold.

"And, gee, I guess I wouldn`t mind being a young, beautiful princess."

*** POOF *** she turns into a beautiful young woman.

"And for your third wish?" asks the fairy godmother.

Just then the old woman`s cat wanders across the porch in front of them.

"Ooh--can you change him into the most handsome prince for me?" she asks.

*** POOF *** there before her stands a young man more handsome than anyone could possibly imagine.

She stares at him, smitten. With a smile that makes her knees weak, he saunters across the porch and whispers in her ear:

"Bet you`re sorry you had me neutered."

I don't get it... I mean, I get it... but I don't get it.

Neutering is only the removal of testicles, and not the same as castration, which would really be a sad thing for the newly poofed princess!

A little Viagra, and ***poof*** off to the races they go! ;-)

I ruined your joke... I'm sorry... I'm a dog breeder, so it struck me a bit differently, is all. Carry on... really, though, it was funny! :-)

Ok... I'm leaving... ;-)

OMG! Paulzie,
Too funny!!! ROFL!!! Thanks for deciding to contribute. :)

Jodi,
Having once had many cats, I can tell you, the few that were fixed, Neutered, lost all interest in my not fixed females.

Wouldn't even give the girls a second look! LOL!

So knowing that, maybe the joke will have a whole new meaning for you... :)

by the way.. I will be emailing you soon! puppies on the way any day and have questions...:)

JoJo

Castration is the removal of the testicles only.
Jodi, perhaps you're thinking of emasculation (the removal of everything).

Josh

Hahahahahhahhaaa

How many country singers does it take to change a light bulb?

5

One to change the bulb, and 4 to sing about how much they will miss the old one!

Poof, I am gone...lol

Cats are strange creatures, to be sure... although, maybe dogs are the strange ones... they keep humping away, sans testicles! Neutering hasn't stopped any male dog I've ever met, that's for sure!

When's the due date, JoJo? Dogs are usually 62-64 days gestation... although, like humans, they sometimes don't stick to the schedule! You'll need to gather a few items beforehand... clean towels that you don't mind getting stained, surgical gloves, hemostats, very sharp scissors, an infant aspirator, a couple of changes of bedding (like old sheets or blankets)... and you'll need to get some Oxytocin and hypodermic needles from your vet, mainly as a clean out shot, but it may be needed before that if contractions stop and manual manipulation and other techniques fail.

Got a whelping box or a birthing spot all ready to go? Yes, please do email me... we'd be happy to help. :-)

I have scientists friends..that Nobel joke will come in handy...

So? What does the seed look like now?

Why did the blonde have a sore belly button?
She had a blonde boyfriend.

How does a blonde turn off the lights?
She shuts the car door.

Why do people tell blonde jokes?
To confuse brunettes.

A man goes to the doctor & is told he only has 3 months to live. "Oh my god!" he yells, "is there nothing you can do?" The doctor thinks a moment then says, "well, you can move to the middle of Kansas and marry a Jewish American Princess". "What?" asks the man, "how will that prolong my life?" "Well", replies the Doc, "it won't. But it will seem like an eternity!"

Tally HO! (I never was any good at being politically correct)

i don't think there's any point in TRYING to be politically correct. just so long as there's no offensive intent in what you do say. if there isn't and people still get offended, then they are just small-minded and insecure.

Bri.

PS. TallyHO- i haven't forgotten about that euphorbia i promised to ID for you. we just haven't had any club meetings recently. but our next meeting is this thur and i will bring mine in and have it ID'd and let you know.

JoJo..you started one funny thread..your not getting a answer yet but everyone is having fun...thanks for the great thread, this is the first thread that I look for when I log on...linda

Oh man this post is magnificent!! You people are too funny! I thought I could resist posting but I can not.

A nuetron walks into a bar and orders a drink.
The nuetron says,"How much do I owe you?"
The bartender says, " No charge."

Also in regards to the seed ID, we have tons of those things here in the midwest. I know its some kind of nut. A hickory of some sort, perhaps a pecan. I know the nut is edible. That suckr is going to grow like crazy thats for sure.

A lawyer and a blond woman are sitting next to each other on a long flight from L.A. to New York. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blond is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists and explains how the game works, "I ask you a question, and if you donÂt know the answer, you pay me, and visa-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.

The chauvinistic lawyer figures he will easily win the match since his opponent is a blond, so he makes another offer, "Okay, how about this. If you donÂt know the answer you pay me only $5, but if I donÂt know the answer, I will pay you $50."

This catches the blondÂs attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to play the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "WhatÂs the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The blonde doesnÂt say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer. Now itÂs the blondÂs turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"

The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the airphone with his modem and searches the internet, from wikipedia to the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to everyone he knows, with no success. After over an hour of searching for the answer, he finally gives up.

He wakes the blond and hands her $50. The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little frustrated, wakes the blond again and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer?"

Again without a word, the blond reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

This is an oldie but a goodie. I don't remember every detail so this is my version.

There are 3 women running from the law. One is a brunette, the second is a redhead and the third is a blonde. They run into a barn and hide in empty potatoe sacks, one girl per sack. The officer enters the barn, looks around and sees the sacks. He kicks the one with the brunette in it and she meows like a cat.
'Just a cat' says the officer.
He kicks the sack with the redhead in it. She clucks like a chicken.
'Just a chicken' says the officer.
He then kicks the sack with the blonde in it.
'Potatoes' she yells.

Another blonde joke for you (I'm allowed to make as many as I want 'cause I'm blonde and yes...I do have my blonde moments).

A blonde is dating a man with a convertable. He turns on his blinkers and asks her to check and make sure that they are working.
'Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no' she replies.

I hate political correctness... and I love blonde jokes! Keep 'em coming! This thread goes great with morning coffee... as long as you swallow before getting to a punch line! ;-)

ROFL! So true Jodi!

Hi Everyone! Sure am enjoying all this!! Great fun!

Linda~ I look here first too!

Beachplant~ I will try and get new pics today~ :)
My mom is blonde, i'm brunette, so I guess that leaves me just totally lost! LOL!

When I do something dumb, I tell people i have blonde roots because mom is blonde.. he he...

Plant junkie~ Thanks for joining in too!

I dont think it's a pecan, we have tons here. It does'nt have a hard shell like a nut, just the dark skin you see spliting.
And sprouted in about a week, just seems too fast for a nut.

Q. A brunette is married to a blond. What does that make the children?

A. Half wits.

Q. If a blonde and a brunette jump out of a plane without parachutes, which one will hit ground first?

A. The brunette, because the blonde has to stop for directions.

oldies but goodies:

Why did the blond throw out half her M&M's?
Because she thought the "w"s were defective.

How do you know a blond's been on your computer?
White out on the screen.

Blond gets a thermos for Xmas and asks her equally blond boyfriend: How does it know when to keep things warm and when to keep them cold? He ,of course, spends an hour looking for a switch.

I'm a bottle blonde... but it gives me the perfect excuse for all the nutty and clumsy stuff I do! ;-)

And I've noticed... it makes life a little bit easier. Before I began dying my hair, I couldn't get help if I paid for it... after becoming a blonde, men clamored to help out! Why is this? I'm not complaining, mind you... I just find it a little... I don't know... too stereotypical?

Great jokes... more, please! ;-)

Hi Everyone!
The jokes have been great! Please do keep sharing!!
In the meanwhile here are new pictures. It's about 4-5" tall now!

{{gwi:479351}}

{{gwi:479352}}

{{gwi:479354}}

{{gwi:479357}}

HI JoJo,
WOW!! it has grown a lot...
sorry I can't help as to what it is, but it looks heathly..
I don't know why but the way it is growing gives me the feeling it might be a vine of some type...
great thread...hope you get a ID on the seedling...
linda

Hi linda!
Thanks! :)

I agree, am starting to think it may be a vine. Still puzzled about that huge seed, and such a little plant. LOL!

It's growing at an almost scary fast pace. I'm waiting for hubby to put a lock on the plant room door! LOL!!

Have a great day!
JoJo

Hmmm... Still don't recognize it. Hopefully someone will

Me either! LOL!

It's growth slowed way down. I'll try and get some new pictures of it over the weekend.

It hasn't eaten anyone yet, so that's a good sign! ROFL!!

JoJo

HI JoJo,
I was just thinking about this seed and was wondering if anyone had come up with, what the heck is it...lol
I can't wait, come on people some one must know...;)
as the mystery seed grows,
and the jokes turn,
theses are the days of our plants.....lol
speaking of jokes...
a man takes his young nephew fishing,
sitting there he looks around and says,
Hummmm....I wonder what kind of trees theses are..
the nephew, says, I don't know...
the uncle replies...wooden ones...
and the mystery grows...
linda

I don't know where I first heard this, but this is the funniest punch line in search of a joke:

...and the penguin said "Rectum? It nearly KILLED him!"

Looks like a jojoba to me.

Kevin

[quote]Looks like a jojoba to me. Kevin[/quote]

Well said! My idea since Jan. 6th.
Jordi

only thing I can tell ya is that is is a dicotyledon *dicot*

Hi Kevin and Jordi,
I have been to a local nursury and saw the Jojoba plant and this just doesnt quite look like it. These leaves off set, the JoJoba is more like two together.

I am going to take the plant down there this week and ask them though.

Sophie,
I really have no idea what you mean by dicotyledon. I did a google search, and it showed a lot of plants, none of what I have..

Could you explain a little more.

Thanks
JoJo

Dicot simply means it has two seed leaves instead of one. Doesn't really narrow it down much, which is why you got so many different results.

I wish I could of seen it before it started to shed it's shell. My first thought was Loquat seed. But I cannot really jusdge the size by the picture. Was the brown shell shiny? This was just a first impression. Norma

Hi Norma,
Thank you... No it wasn't brown and shiny, but it was sitting in a pot and I don't know for how long. Our hard water spots and makes a mess of things.

I did a search for Loquat, and neither the seed or the plant match this.

The Loquat seed has a very flat side, this doesnt.

But thank you very much for trying.

JoJo

JoJo,
This photo shows new growth (in full sun) on the Jojoba in my yard.
{{gwi:479359}}


Still any doubt that what you have is Jojoba?

Jordi

Well I wish you all would decide on what it is. It is driving me nuts, I lock all of my doors and windows now, I don't want to dream that it is crawling in. Norma

Hey Jürgen, Wow, That does look the same... I think you've confirmed Identification. Does the Jojoba seed have the same (scar) pattern seen on the seed of JoJos plant (visible in pic 2 and 3 at top)?

Hi Jordi,

I'm just not sure.. sorry... even hubby doesn't think so. I made him look close even with a flashlight when he got home yesterday.

Is yours fuzzy,? It looks like it in the pic. Mine isn't fuzzy in any way. I tried to get pics yesterday but it was windy.

Yours is a much brighter green too.

I really appriciate your picture. I will certianly look more into the chance of it being a JoJoba.

I am sick and don't know if I will make it to the nursury like planned.

Norma,
Your funny!! Imagine how I feel, it's in my house..LOL!!! Your safe for now, but if it escapes you will be the first to know..LOL!

JoJo

I dreamed for years regarding my strawberry plant crawling into my window, it was sending out runners, I now have French Strawberry plants. Okay Jo Jo if you want send the picture with the seed and plant to me directly to my email address. I will ask John Trager, Now I really want to know. Guessing doesn't count. Tell him where it was found, in what state and city you purchasedi, and Nursery. I can't wait to find out. It not growing like a vine to me, it is growing too straight.The leaves do remind me a plants that I do have, and I just saw the seeds for the first time Mon. so perhaps? Norma
He's pretty good at this an very accurate.

Could it be one of these plants?????????

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wc_Y1IXVSig

OMG Mike!
ROFL!!!! This is unreal! Man I hope not!
Thanks , I really needed the laugh!

JoJo

Hi Everyone,
I have some updated pics. They are the best I could do for now, I have been sick, and it's been too windy to get ones out in the full sun.

{{gwi:479361}}

{{gwi:479362}}

{{gwi:479363}}

Norma,
I appriciate your offer to send pics to John. I will get you some in an email soon. Thank you!

And thanks to all who have helped with this!

JoJo

Leaf pattern and the seed match a jojoba plant.

That's what I said 3.5 months ago already and what I now proved by the thread 'Do you remember this?'

Jordi

Jordi called it! ;)

Jojoba!

Josh

Jordi,

You mean, that's what I emailed you four months ago, right, noting that there's not a little amount of coincidence between 'JoJo' and 'Jojoba', or, as we say in Jaramillo, 'Hoho' and 'Hohoba'?

Lol..

Jojo..I remember this thread!! I was wondering for days what ever came of your plant..Do you still have it?

It must of gotten a whole lot bigger since your last post..

Mike:-)