| Oh, gosh, my heart is breaking for each of you! Davissue has the best recommendations on the FAQ page. Make sure you do check it out. Christy, I have seen Lady Banks rose grown on Italian cyress and it is just stunning. Giant Burmese Honeysuckle sounds terrifying. Vinca might be an alternative to ivy for hanging outside your north window. Toothpick bamboo blinds hung from the outside eave will let in light and allow you to see out but it will be difficult to see in. Kat, I think your only option is to gain fifty pounds (hmmm, what if your neighbors prefer Rubenesque women... oh, it probably wouldn't work). Sorry, I can't think of anything else. RM, here are some of my experiences to add to Davissue's recommendations. Just something to muse on: I am a privacy freak, and I pay dearly for it in labor. I have new, one-year old texas privets growing BEHIND the wood privacy fence on the west so that I can remove the fence some day. As Sue says, must be sheared twice a year for density and control. I think it will be another two years before they are tall and thick enough to take down the wood, and then I will let them "go natural". Podocarpus gracilis screens my front yard from the neighbors to the south and east. TONS of work to shear three times a year, and once they fill in, they must be topped too. My old electric shears make a brown mess of the leaf tips. It is hard to keep it narrow: I think the narrowest, newest section is about three feet thick. I love the hedge. Algerian ivy covers a 360 foot chain link fence on my east property line. It's eight to ten feet tall. Back-breaking labor four times a year to keep it under control, and that only works because it borders a driveway for 200 feet and a lawn for the rest, so the bottom can be mowed. I didn't plant it, but I love it. I have redwoods and honey locust on my side and my neighbor has pyracantha, Chinese tallow tree, and pepper trees on his side to raise the height. "Plants on Sticks" up against wood privacy fences to give more height. I use Sprenger asparagus ferns and small leaved (or is it leafed?) ivies in containers on thick round posts. Expensive option, tough to water enough, but they can live through almost anything. A good alternative to hanging plants for privacy. Golden bamboo on the north side of the property. Wayyyy too much work. We dug a 28" deep trench on our side to contain it, and parts are filled back in with thick plastic "bamboo barrier". Auto mechanic neighbor behind me has concrete to stop it. It's pretty messy, filling the trench with large fibrous "stuff" from the stalks. The rhizomes that pop through the trench wall must be cut off and the trench maintained. Don't be fooled by those photos in gardening magazines! nothing will grow under it. It's gorgeous. I guess this is the lesson I have learned. Trying to plant tall, narrow stuff to give privacy and to maximize the remaining space in your yard is usually a fool's errand. It will always be a lot of work, and the results do not really save you much space. My bamboo system is more than ten feet wide. I could have planted any number of shrubs if I wanted to sacrifice ten feet! I thought I could keep the bamboo to two or three feet (ha). In my next life, I will plant citrus trees, bottlebrush, abelia, arborvitae, and other plants that never need to be trimmed. Renee whose neighbors can no longer see her sunbathing even on the off-chance they would want to | 
