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christinmk

Bittersweet moments in gardening

The other day I was reading LL's post about new gardens we were going to make and it kind of struck me, my expanding days are over. There isn't really any more space here to start making more beds (they would be incredibly ill-placed and difficult to maneuver around if I did, lol). It was kind of a bittersweet realization though, since I love creating new spaces. I mean, there will forever be little makeovers in areas and perpetual tweaking in the overall garden, but it isn't quite the same as making a brand new garden is it? That sort of creative fever you get when you see a blank canvas with endless possibilities. Knowing you can pick out some fantastic new plants you have never tried before (with room left over for the new and unusual cultivars of next year!). Suppose it is sweet in a way to be able to see the final product of all your hard work, to see things "come together".

How many of you have come to this sort of 'stopping point' in gardening? Was it a bittersweet moment for you too?

And everyone else, have you had similar sadder times in gardening? Maybe finding out that one of your design dreams is impractical or not do-able? Or realizing that you can't do all the physical work you used to in gardening and maintaining?

CMK

Comments (19)

  • natal
    13 years ago

    When we did the addition I was excited about the chance to create new beds. Three years later I'm still tweaking them, but glad I don't have to start from scratch again. That's a lot of hard work! I have enough on my plate maintaining what already exists. No desire to create more.

  • gottagarden
    13 years ago

    "It's more fun to make a garden, than to have a garden." is a quote I read once that really resonated. I've more than maxed out with what I have, I have more than I can maintain, so making anything new has to be off-limits. Yet, still I dream . . . .

    I'm at where you're at.

  • organic_kitten
    13 years ago

    I will add a little to the rose garden, but I have all the space to maintain that I need. Now that is not to say I won't decide one of the beds or even one of the gardens doesn't need to be redone. But I am, at least, at a pause point.
    kay

  • seamommy
    13 years ago

    We have just under three acres and I thought I'd never reach this pause point. But I had cancer three years ago and they just found another lump, so the desire is there, just not the physical strength. I don't want to garden every inch of it, but I'd sure like to be able to keep up with what I already have. Cheryl

  • woodyoak zone 5 southern Ont., Canada
    13 years ago

    ((Cheryl!)) I, too, struggle with on-going health issues that affect my ability to garden. My needs have been incorporated into the planting and layout of the garden. DH is retired now, so that helps a lot. Working in the garden has provided intellectual, creative and physical stimulation that has, I think, been an important factor in keeping me going 6 years and counting beyond my initial life expectancy. Don't give up gardening is my advice!

    Our garden has now reached the stage where there's no room to add new without tearing out the old. There's lots of tweaking left to do, but the thought of selling and starting over somewhere else has passed through my head at times! The practical part of me knows that will not happen, but I often lull myself to sleep by building fantasy houses and gardens in my head :-)

  • vikyx
    13 years ago

    Hello everybody, Im very new to this forum,, but could not help but answer this one: my situation is so much more different, then most of you have, because im at that very very beginning, at that very very start, when you need to turn ugly into beautiful, and let me tell you this: its hard, very very hard. Most of You, have probably forgotten, just how tough it can be to start from that begging, from nothing, and when it happens, when we forget this, we stop appreciating as much, as we are used to, all that hard work, all those dreams, all those plans that we ones had and that now are done, all that goose skin when we wanted some plant and finally got it, that very rose that once were just a dream, but now is growing in the garden, and no, we still appreciating it but the goose skin is gone, we basically just take it for granted. Let me tell you that, all of you ,who have established gardens are very lucky people, you can just enjoy them now with adding something small here and there.So when you feel bittersweet just look back and remember your blank canvas which now so beautifully became reality, you can dream, dreams are always good, as long as they arent going beyond your mind, when your brain is breaking from all those dreams, that's bad, but that exactly what i feel now. I have so many plans and so many dreams and so slowly they coming along, that's hard.And about the topic , the sad time in the garden for me is when i have all those dreams and plans, but for now financially cant afford them, that's the saddest, i guess, sometimes is just, you have to learn appreciate what you have, may be that's the learning that comes with wisdom through life or may be that's a gift from God, who knows, all i know is that i didnt learn that yet so Im dreaming very obsessively.
    Thank you for listening

  • aftermidnight Zone7b B.C. Canada
    13 years ago

    vikeyx, first off a great big welcome to the Cottage forum. I so can identify with where you are at right now and what you're feeling. I'm one of the older members here 73 and fingers crossed will be here for a few more :). I've had my present garden for the last 45+ years and have to say at times feel the same way as some of the above posters.

    There was a time shortly after getting married all I had was a 10 cent package of nasturtiums seeds and an old dessert spoon for a shovel. I did manage to dig out a little bed and planted the seeds, I never got to see them bloom, we moved. The second place we rented it wasn't much better, a kind lady gave me some dahlia tubers, by this time I had acquired a trowel so the digging was a little easier but it wasn't easy going. You guessed it we moved before I saw any flowers. The third place we lived it rained 24/7 most of the year, money was tight but I did manage to grow several gladiolus, 6 or so dahlias and a neighbor gave me a hydrangea cutting which was my pride and joy.

    Six years later we moved to where we are now so after 12 years we finally own our own home, at long last I could start to plan my garden. It took all those 45+ years for my garden to become what it is today but nothing is written in stone if I want to change it or rip it out and try something else I can. It took me years before I could buy pretty much anything I wanted, those were the years when dreaming about the garden I'd have one day was all I had, so take heart you will have the garden of your dreams one day. I'd love to be able to give you some plant starts, unfortunately I live north of the border so that's not possible. Keep those dreams alive, one day they won't be just dreams they will become a reality.

    Hugs,
    Annette

  • vikyx
    13 years ago

    thank you,Annette, for support and kind words, i didnt mean to sound so pitiful:), i guess, thats how i sounded, my husband is very supportive, every little penny he can he gives me for my dream garden, so i have something to start with now, may be I ll post some pictures this summer, i just feel ashamed posting them, with all of this tiny-tiny plantings, nothing mature, when, i saw all of you guys have so beautiful dreamy gardens. I have found cottage garden forum recently, but mostly were just looking, enjoining your gardens,till i saw christinmk posting, which made me feel strongly emotional, also I got so many ideas and felt so close to all this people here even though nobody knew about my existence. First time in my life i saw people, who were thinking what i thinking and loving to garden so much. Before i thought something was wrong with me, cos i was obsessed with everything about gardens, turn out Im not along, which makes me feel good :),
    Anyway Annette, Im kneeling before people who work hard,
    and gardening for many years deserves respect and pride,
    so keep up your beautiful work
    Thank you for response,

  • freezengirl
    13 years ago

    Vikyx, you are not alone in your dreams, wistfulness, joy or moments of doubt. We all have them. Gardeners are lucky. They can express what is in our hearts through our gardens, just like any other artists exress themselves by putting effort into what they love. I think gardeners no matter where they are in the world, no matter how rich or poor, no matter whether they are growing for food or beauty are all tenders of life. Each seed, each cutting, each time we try something whether we succeed or fail we are contributing to life. We learn as we do, learn from the ones that have the wisdom and knowledge that we do not, share what we know with the younger ones expressing an interest and tend with consistancy what we help create.

  • luckygal
    13 years ago

    My most bittersweet moments were when we sold houses and I had to leave a garden I had spent so much effort on. We used to move every 2-3 years and this is the 19th house so there have been a lot of gardens. However it always brought the opportunity to plan and make a new one.

    I probably should be at the stopping point, altho in fact I'm still expanding since there is 'space' to fill. They will be much more easy-care tho than what I now have.

    There are times I'd love to sell this property and buy one with a smaller garden! Didn't think that 15 years ago but age has a way of helping us see reality. I still love gardening but since I retired I am not as committed to it as I once was. There are so many things I want to do and a large garden takes a lot of work and cannot be left for long.

    Vikyx, I suggest you learn how to grow plants, especially perennials, from seed. It's easy, not expensive, and you'll be amazed how many plants you will have in a short time. Also join your local garden club as they often have plant exchanges and you'll meet other gardeners who may even give you their extras. Most of us have many plants and seeds we are happy to share.

  • christinmk z5b eastern WA
    Original Author
    13 years ago

    Dear seamommy, the garden will still be there when you are feeling up to it, the important thing is to concentrate on you! Hugs.
    CMK

  • aftermidnight Zone7b B.C. Canada
    13 years ago

    Seamommy, sending you a big hug.

    Annette

  • Annie
    13 years ago

    Christin,
    In response to your original questions above:
    No (not finished), yes, yes and yes. :(
    I will add: That all the work, the money spent on plants and dreams I've put into my garden is lost due to a terrible fire, severe storm, floods or some other weather anomaly. Many of these has happened to me over and over! I enjoy the creating and even the hard work, but frustrating and bittersweet to see my pretty plants, flowers, veggies and trees die or get destroyed. And getting too old to keep starting over. I can't do all that hard landscaping like I used to do. :(
    Still, I will just keep on keeping on...until I can't anymore.

  • louisianagal
    13 years ago

    I can relate to all these posts. I had finally got my gardens established (26 yrs) when Hurricane Katrina hit and of course everything was killed and I moved. Starting over was very bittersweet. It was more depressing and frustrating than exciting. Now, 5 yrs later, things are better. But it is very hard waiting to see your gardens mature. Now I am older, and yesterday was a glorious warm sunny day in the 60's (has been very cold here). So naturally I went to work outside. However, several times I really almost cried, because I just can't physically do what I want to. Neither can my husband who usually helps me alot (he is 5 yrs older than me). I am growing 2 apple trees in the espalier method, and it's been a few years, but it takes several years to get all the levels. It is just frustrating and hard waiting for the results. Yet I have this strong urge to keep planting, moving things. And I still do it. But getting much harder on me physically. I am sort of at the pause point, because my gardens are mostly full, but I recently "reclaimed" more lawn and so I'll have to plant something there soon. I just can't stop!

  • newbiehavinfun
    13 years ago

    I think this is one of those "grass is always greener" situations: gardeners who are far along with their gardens may forget how frustrating it is to have a blank (and perhaps ugly) canvas to work with and not a lot of money, whereas I'm at the same point as vikyx, where we wish the dream would just become a reality, already! I do empathize with those who've run out of space, though. I can't even imagine that happening here!

    A bittersweet moment that I've had: Realizing my limitations! I made the newbie mistake of trying to do too much, too fast and it was so difficult to keep up with so many tender plants trying to establish themselves (while at the same time, I was enjoying having flower beds where there were just weeds before).

  • lavender_lass
    13 years ago

    Cheryl- Hope you feel better soon!

    Everyone else, who can't do what they used to, my mom is having some of the same frustration, so we've been trying to help her redesign some of her existing spaces. I'm up for trying to move almost anything, so we'll see how this works out...but lots of great plans for spring!

    CMK- I'm sure you think you're out of garden space...but my mom's favorite saying...if you have any grass, you still have garden spaces! Grass is for paths :)

  • ianna
    13 years ago

    I had that moment last year but reducing my garden had been so difficult for me. Where do I begin? What should I start removing? Well I'm going to have to be tough this season though. It's time. Remove all plants from a section and redo it once again.

  • freezengirl
    13 years ago

    I don't think you can be a gardener and not be fully aware of the bitter sweet moments in life. Gardening is all about birth, death and renewal. We learn that there is so much out of our control and yet there are moments of grace. That is for me the true gift of being a gardener.

  • christinmk z5b eastern WA
    Original Author
    13 years ago

    -LL, Lol! That is true! And then when there is no more grass I can sneak over and plant some things in the neighbors yard ;-D
    CMK

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