Wow Rhine, that's intense. I can imagine just such a thing in fact, but it takes an incredibly selfless person to perform such a selfless act. God bless you and your wife, I hope you grow very, very old together and have many seasons of planning new gardens.
Me? I grow because I'm focused(hmmm, devoted? addicted? obsessed? committed?).

I think that's a wonderful story, Rhine. Thanks for sharing.

I feel gardening has given me a new life. Ten years ago, my only daughter, Angela, died in a car accident, and in the dim months and years that followed, gardening was the one thing that grounded me. I went from being somewhat interested in gardening to a passionate gardener, creating large beds and borders, pouring my heart and soul into my growing canvas. I was a crazy woman.

One spring (or was it fall?), I planted some Asiatic Lilies, a freeby from one of the mail-order companies, and promptly forgot them. The next year, I was working in that border, not consciously realizing the lilies had bloomed. Working along, trimming, weeding, and tending, I raised my head when only a few feet from them, and said, "Angie!" Honestly, those lilies look just like her. The colors, the textures, the height and the form all blend to create a presence that personifies her.

I've told a few other people, and they can see it, so I'm not totally loopy. At any rate, it was one step in my healing and learning to deal with such a tremendous loss.

Gardening is good for the soul.

To both Rhine and Perennial Woman: God Bless both of you. Rhine, my mother beat breast cancer for eight years, and remember it is possible to go on even longer nowadays. My prayers are with you and your wife...I hope you have many more years together.

Perennial Woman: that is not at all "loopy". God often gives us our own back in ways that are too wonderful to describe.

I too have had a loss, but we are given gifts, sometimes not seeing them at the time. Gardening is one of them: it keeps us close to nature, and with nature we are with God, or the Divine Intelligence, or whatever one wishes to describe. We can often see loved ones in nature, as we are all part of one another on a deep level. As my mother used to say...we are a part of nature, not apart from nature.

I learned gardening from my mother and being English, she did a lot of it. Anything you might want to name, she could grow. I am not quite as talented as she was, but I follow the same ways and in this I am reminded and kept close to her. Gardening is indeed a gift.

What a wonderful reason to have, and keep a bed. Gardening to me is about renewal. Every year, it's the same cycle with the anticipation of spring, the rewards of summer and early fall, the seed gathering in the late fall, the seed exchanging during the winter, the germinating seeds of late winter, you get the picture.

Gardening for me gives me something tangible that I can hold in my hand as an accomplishment that just seems more rewarding than anything I do during my day job.

I think it also puts me in contact with nature, working in tandem with beneficial insects, microbes, worms and birds. By surrounding myself with life, nature and beauty, it cannot but help my own life.

rhine59, I appreciate your story because it affirms what I've always believed, that a garden is a healing place. I hope your wife fully regains her health and enjoys that beautiful garden for a very long time.

This is one of the loveliest threads Ive read yet.

I garden because I am a garden.

I admire you people.
I garden for several reasons. One is to provide lots of bouquets to the other lady engineers that work with me - we may be engineers, but we're not COMPLETELY nerdy! Flowers were meant to be given away. The other is a very selfish reason. Since my husband spends so little time out in the garden, and nobody else does, I have a place to immerse myself (alone) and meditate on the good, the bad, and the ugly in the universe. It's a place to get tuned out to stress and to get tuned in to nature. Sometimes now I have to put ear plugs in my ears to block out noise so I am not too rudely distracted, but I still enjoy the incredible beauty. It seems I've forgotten my own involvement in building the garden, because it seems to have created itself.

Ah, Rhine! My Godmother visited me the day after my son was born and she'd just gone through what your wife has gone through. She lived another 28 years and died at age 87--she was healthy until her last year. She, like your wife, was a giver of life and joy and never dwelt on her health.

A month ago today, we lost our most beloved niece in a car accident on the way to the garden center to pick up landscaping supplies for her new house. She leaves a grieving widower and three children under six. She'd borrowed her landscaper father's car/trailer. Her godfather (my husband's other brother) came upon the accident quite by chance just as the police arrived.

Her father blames himself for not having a safer car. Her godfather will never forget the sight of his dear niece and the knowledge that he couldn't do anything for her.

Her father and mother spend many days with the children and he is starting to do her landscape projects. He says he's fine while he's working but when he says goodbye to the kids at the end of the day, he cries.

Perennial Woman, I pray that he and his wife, and perhaps her grieving husband and babies will one day look at some flowers and think fondly of their beloved. Where your strength comes from is a mystery to me and yet you and Rhine's wife heroically carry on. God bless us all.

....I just Love all these stories, makes me want to garden even more:)

Oh Rhine! What a beautiful story! As a breast cancer survivor, I went through the same thing when I was diagnosed, but the only thing that kept me sane was my gardening. Last year I was ill most of the year, and just when I was getting better, I broke my elbow and was laid up for months. This spring has been the "revival" of my long neglected, overgrown, weed eaten garden beds, and I'm going crazy!

But I digress...my main reason for gardening is the memory of my grandmother. She taught me to garden, and I love knowing that she's looking down knowing I'm out there trying to grow some of the things she grew, and teaching other people the things she taught me about plants and herbs.

Hi! Reading all these stories makes me want to cry. Saturday
nite I lost my Mom ,a wonderful gardener,to cancer. She will
be buried on Thursday. I'm so down and depressed and feal
so depressed that I went outside last nite and starting
pulling some weeds. Her victorian house -sold in only 5 weeks, and we have to have everything out this weekend. She
had a ton of roses and no way will I leave them all there.
Out in the garden last nite I was crying as I pulled a ton
of weeds,but aleast I felt a little better. This is like a
nightmare ,but I have no choice but to rally my whole family
together and move all the stuffout. Alanna from Pa

Alanna, take just a few special plants from the garden--you don't have to try to get it all. The garden will delight the new residents as your mother would like it to do. And the plants you take will be an additional token of your mother's ability to grow good stuff--she grew you pretty good. You'll always have the connection to her and after some time has passed you will work your garden and remember her without the pain you're feeling now.

Thanks for all the kind words and supportive stories everyone! Things really are looking up. We visited the doctor yesterday and she was pronounced clean (not cured) for now. It's still a day by day thing but so much of her old self is back this year that I sometimes can't believe it. We were out in the flower beds weeding over the weekend and it just seemed like nothing had ever happened. I know she must be going through so much more than she lets on but I can't help but be thankful and optimistic about our future! One other thing, I'm sorry if reading this thread affected anyone in a bad way by making them rehash sad memories of loved ones that have passed on. That was the main reason I debated starting it in the first place. Once again, thanks for the support and kind words! I'll keep you posted!

No, no -- sharing grief can only ease the pain, not increase it. Thank you for sharing your story, and letting others express their memories as well. God bless you all.

No need to apologize. Your post did remind me of my sorrows but made me glad for two reasons--one is I need to grieve but the other is that I stand in awe of a man so devoted to his wife who not only recognizes her selflessness but is able to so eloquently share it with others. You must be a beautiful couple--may your gardening years be long and joyful!

This is a great thread. I would like to share a story about my Mother who was an avid gardener, as I am, as was her mother (my grandma), and her mother (my greatmother) before her. My Mom's favorite flower was always white roses.
Last year in May she passed away after a long and difficult battle with lymphoma. We special ordered white roses to be in her funeral flower arrangements.
On the day that we buried her, I came home to find that my Rose: "Blanc double de coubert" a strikingly white rose had opened its blooms for the season on that day. I really made me happy and now everytime I look at that rose I think of her.

there are a million reasons to garden but then there's also just the ONE reason:
We are all stewards, and being part of nature, tending to the plants and the land is a PRIVILEGE. Caring for these things is our duty for the time we have on this earth.

The Native Americans had it right.

Wow ... what a touching story. It gave me goosebumps. May God bless you and your wife. I pray you are both doing well.
And as for why do I garden - Well, I guess I never thought of putting it in words...I just love to be outdoors. I get a good workout. It makes me feel good. It puts me at peace. I have a great appreciation for all that God has given to all of us.
It just makes me happy I guess!!!

Nothing as heartwarming as many of the previous posts---I garden because I love plants (1), and (2) because it's good therapy for my many chronic ailments.
Marian

Years ago I was in a terrible car accident and couldn't walk for awhile. I didn't believe there was a 'god' because of the horrible things I'd seen and experienced in the accident, how could there be? When I was finally able to walk I went outside to a small tomato plant I had started earlier and put a cherry tomato into my mouth. The burst of it's lush tartness, the warmth of the sun and I KNEW. God was in the tomato...God was in life. There in my garden surrounded by nature was the peace God wanted me to have. I love gardening too.

these are very inspiring posts. I believe my gardening really started when a dear friend started giving me a few starts of her plants. three years ago around jan she passed away due to heart failure. around may of the same year, her husband offered me 12 shrubs, several plants and oh yes lets not forget a prickly pear cacti ----ive added quite a few plants and shrubs since----but those given to me are special--- she always said i needed more shrubs and flowers around the place. i wish she was around now, maybe she would say thats enough already.

For those of you near chattanooga, I remember one year about '99 or so.. I was really depressed for various reasons. I had never planted anything in my life. My birthday was near, this was in april and the park outside my duplex looked like a pond. I had a bed full of weeds in front. For some reason, I started to pull those weeds. It was easy since the ground was so wet. I took the sunflower and moonflower seeds my dad gave me and planted them. I lived there untill I bought my house in 2000. Before I had left , i had built 2 more beds and I took 6 lavender plants with me.(which my first dog promptly ate) Now I have over an acre to care for , lots of established shrubs, etc. Sometimes, I feel overwhelmed - but I go out and do it. I'd have to say I garden because I honestly love the land I live on , I care about it. I think of it as my own private park. I sit with my favorite things when I'm in my yard and it's hard not be calmed, or cheered . I consider myself lucky to be surrounded by such beautiful things even when I do feel overwhelmed or I have to do the backbreaking parts of it.

Reading these posts has been good for my soul. Thank you, everyone.

I've always been growing something since I was a kid - inside and outside. On my Mom's side, everyone in the family has always grown something, whether it was flowers or veggies or farming. I don't know why I do it, but I can't imagine not doing it.

Rhine thanks for sharing your story. How beautiful! I think the main reason I garden is because my mom was an avid gardener. She would spend hours upon hours outside weeding, fertilizing and adoring her gardens. So, basically I grew up with it. One thing she said that I used to think was INSANE was that she LOVED being out in her garden, getting her hands in the dirt (she never wore gloves) and nursing her plants. I thought how gross! Dirt under the nails YUCK...Now that I have my own home and no one here to plant flowers but me, I have gotten into it. I can't imagine a yard without a garden in it. When I see a nice big yard and nothing growing in it except a couple obligatory trees, I want to take the owner to the nursery with me and help them pick out some plants and do something with their yards LOL...

My mother told me there was no better "tired" then working in her garden all day, digging, weeding etc until dark and taking a nice hot bath. She would go to bed exhausted, but say it was the best type of "tired" a person can have. I finally understand that. It is a feeling of accomplishment. I can't imagine not having my perennial gardens and of course the beautiful annuals that add that change every year.

Mscarlet, your mom was right. I wish I had known her.. she sounds like me. As for the rest of you, I think you've all managed to make one thing clear- Life goes on, but gardening cuts an easier path.

I garden because it gives me time to sort things out. Life goes too fast, but my garden does not seem to be moved by time. My great-grandmother just died about a month ago, and I just got some of her antique heirloom roses- her mother, my great-great-grandmother, planted them first.
The plants I have remind me of what Solomon said in Ecclesiastes: "there is a time to live, and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot..."

And Wendy, I totally agree that flowers were meant to be given away.

Gardening for me keeps my family sane. ARUM

I have always been a gardener (50 years of growing things). Last fall I was diagnosed with a rare cancer and during the winter months went through some pretty difficult neutron radiation treatments. I usually am very excited when catalogs begin arriving, but this past winter was unable to be enthusiastic. I even stopped my daily visits to garden web. After finishing with the radiation (and losing 35 poounds), I was diagnosed with breast cancer and a mastectomy followed.

I still had no enthusiasm for gardening. Now it was April. My dh insisted that we would plant our usual garden as we had for years. I was reluctant at first, but the more I got into it, the more enthusiastic I became. By now this has proved to be the best summer of my life. Gardening takes me out of thinking about my troubles and lets me live in the moment.

We all know that we should "live for today" because we never know what tomorrow will bring, but after a life altering event, it really hits home.