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Gardening in a pet's memory

MarshaO
21 years ago

Please, I have a request...

Pet loss continues to be a most misunderstood thing. People constantly apologize to me (as a grief counselor)when talking about their deceased pet, for the degree to which they believe they are over-reacting in their sorrow. We need to normalize this grief.

I am authoring a book that will be released by Fairview Press toward the end of this year. The subject is pet loss, but more specifically, how we can honor our beloved departed friends through memorialization in the garden. I am putting out an invitation for you to share your story of your pet, including anything you did to commemorate his/her life after they passed. Pictures are most appreciated. Please don't think that this needs to be anything major, or complicated, or fancy - the best anecdotes and memorializations are the ones that come from your heart, and usually the end result is simple and uncomplicated. Photos and stories of garden memorials are especially wonderful.

In addition to knowing that you are helping others, you will receive a free copy of the book in gratitude for your contribution.

My first book was released last month. It is called "A Garden of Love and Healing: Living Tributes to Those We've Loved and Lost" - again, with Fairview Press. This book encourages folks to make a personal garden in memory of their loved one. (If you want to catch a glimpse, as well as an idea of what my work turns out like, it is on amazon.com)

With warmest wishes, Marsha Olson, MA

Comments (15)

  • justjude
    21 years ago

    As a minister, I think it's very important for children to understand and participate in memorializing a pet. Their grief at this loss can help them learn healthy grieving for the larger losses that will inevitably come in their later lives.

    In my case, two or three hamsters and a dearly beloved rat were buried in our side yard when my children were little. The cat we finally had to put down was buried in the vegetable garden, mainly because the soil there was loosened enough to dig a really deep hole. They weren't "pet memorial gardens," but we did acknowledge that their decomposing bodies would be good for the soil and help things grow.

    Marsha, I hope you will find some way to include the book, or at least the sentiments of the book "The Tenth Good Thing About Barney," by Judith Viorst.

  • Fluid_Floyd
    21 years ago

    Bill the bird, Squeak the rat, Cheech and Chong sister rats and a few goldfish were long ago buried in the far corner of my yard when their life ended on this earth. Personally, I'd like to buried at sea. But, that's a subject for another time, another forum, another thread...

  • BarbC
    21 years ago

    Last summer, we had lightning hit our lake and kill 3 of our ducks. My daughter watched it all and took it pretty hard. We dug a small garden under the weeping willow where we buried them. Then we went and bought a couple cement duck statues, painted them and placed them in the garden overlooking the lake. The one remaining duck slept next to those statues until we got him some babies this summer. It seemed to help them both.

  • flowerluvr
    21 years ago

    On April 13th., we lost our 9 year old lab mix, "Guido". He evidently didn't realize he was getting too old to chase rabbits anymore, and his heart gave out on him. He was my good and faithful buddy, and gardened with me all the time. He learned where the paths were, and stayed on them. Well, in one case, I had to detour the path just a bit to suit him, but we got along fine after that. He would lay by me in the garden..always had to be touching me to make sure I was still there. He'd eat green beans while I was picking them, and learned to pick tomatoes to eat without breaking off the plants. His personal favorite seemed to be Roma. He was also known to steal the occasional zucchini, butternut squash or pumpkin for a snack.
    He had the most endearing little quirk. Every so often he would come up, and hold his paw up to me. I would sit and hold his "hand" for a little while, then he was good to go.
    I was at a friend's house when he passed away, and my poor hubby had to call and break the news. He waited for me to get home, then I showed him where I wanted him to be buried. I had a lap blanket that he dearly loved, so we wrapped him up in it. He's resting back by an area I'm getting ready for a hammock. There are two huge lilacs back there, and several other flowering bushes. There is also a bed with several clematis on trellises. It's a peaceful, quiet corner of the yard, and it makes me feel good to know he will be resting with me when I take a break in the hammock. I'm planning another bed over his resting spot, with a magnolia over him.
    This was the first time in my almost 40 years that I came to truly love a dog, and his passing was like losing my best friend. The morning after he died, I got up and was sitting in my chair, and I wanted so badly to snuggle up in "our" blanket. There, draped across the arm of the chair, was a string from our blanket...and I sobbed like a baby-and can barely see to type right now. My whole family knew how devastated I was, and it was truly all of our loss. He was part and parcel of the family, and I'll never forget all the good times I had with him, or how velvety soft his ears were.

  • butterbeanbaby
    21 years ago

    The only people I love more than gardeners are animal lovers that garden... so I'm sure none of you with think it strange that Tuna and Grub, my beloved old lady kitties, were cremated and live in containers in my dresser drawer, awaiting the day when we are in our "house where we'll retire" so I can dig them into my garden. They both loved to go outdoors and laze around in the sun in the garden... I can still smell the sun smell in their fur... Grub would catch lizard tails and try to bring them to Tuna, who was banned from outdoors when a dove attacked her and knocked her off the roof of the patio (my mom caught her). I have a lot of pictures of the two of them in my mom's yard.

    Geesh, I miss my babies. I still cry whenever I think of them too hard and it's been years now. Tuna slept pressed up against my stomach every night I was pregnant and purred her furry little heart out... no doubt the reason why my Baylee is such an ardent kitty lover.

    Holly

  • kay55
    21 years ago

    I lost my 12 year od Rott Jazz last november (crying just thinking about her) but now shes in my garden with her favorite blanket and food bowl a little stone that says she is a good girl lots of lilys and I pretend she is still kepping the critters out of moms garden.

  • wishkitba
    21 years ago

    You know I had wanted to this with my long lost best friend Chaos ( who let me tell ya many many shoes , remotes, cloths you get the picture) Anyway Chaos loved to run - if he got out the door he ran, well one night he busted out the screen in the back room and was gone. I called my grandparents who live 2 miles from me to see if he had ended up out there. Grandpa said no but theres a red one laying on the hiway. Chaos was black but in the sun he had beautiful red highlights. Well low and behold this was my dog I know it was, animal control had pickd him up b4 I got there so I called to find out where they take dead dogs(sorry I hate those two words together). Well they told me they go to waste management - I just had to see if this was my dog(biggest mistake I ever made). When I got there I was okay when the man walked me back he couldnt find the dumpster - after walking a few minutes he came to this big blue dumpster that read animal control. I looked over the side and began to bawl like a baby. It was Chaos, I still wish to this day i would of brought him home and gave him the proper burial but I couldnt bring myself to pick him up, I just wanted one more HUG but he was gone. You know I want to thank MarshaO becuz with all these seeds I have been getting in trades i am going to make a area in memory of Chaos. Good Luck on your book, and let me know when that comes out becuz it is a NEED for every pet owners home library.

    I LOVE YOU CHAOS!!!
    Angela

  • mystdragyn
    21 years ago

    My Figaro died the day after thanksgiving 2001. She was my baby cat, even tho she was about 8 years old.It was winter and I was heartbroken so I paid for her to be creamated and her ashes spread in a pretty rose garden at the local pet cemetary. I began gardening soon after that because I needed something to mother and fuss over, but wasn't ready for another cat. Eventually I hope to have a memorial in my garden for my baby but it still hurts too much to do it yet.

  • jmonro123
    21 years ago

    my little poodle-mix Louey had to be put down, not because he went blind from age but because the vet said he was in pain. I kept him in the shoe box the vet put him in, and buried him in my fledgling compost hole, to aid his return to the soil, and I planted a curly willow over him. This was right next to the driveway, because He loved riding in the car, before he got so sick. Its been a few years and I had to move, but I still think of my lil Louey and wonder if he likes the curly willow marker.

  • ohiovalleygirl
    21 years ago

    You guys are making me cry!

    When my husband was killed in an auto accident, I was forced to sell my home. I mentioned to my Mom that the worst part of loosing my place was that I would be leaving behind Sam, our black lab who had also been killed by a car just 7 months prior to my husbands accident. I just hated the thought that his grave might not be given the respect that it deserved. Well, I wiped away my tears and went to work...you know, all that life goes on stuff...

    One evening soon after our conversation, I came home from work, and my mother told me that she had "moved" Sam to our family farm. Now, I could take all of my heart with me when I moved.

    My mother is such an animal lover and it meant so much to me that she thought so much of my dog and my grieving heart to do such a hard task.

    Sam rests on our family farm (in our family over 100 years) watching over the chickens (which he chased on more then one occasion!). And though I still have trouble getting to sleep some nights, it's not because I had to leave my boy behind.

  • MarshaO
    Original Author
    20 years ago

    Hi to all of you pet lovers,

    Thank you all for your sharings.
    I promised everyone that I would let them know when this book was released and wanting to stay true to my word - it is out!
    The book has been titled (by Fairview Press) "Dogwood and Catnip: Living Tributes To The Pets We've Loved and Lost". It is a sweet book - filled with ideas and photos from others who have lost pets and memorialized them in their garden. It talks about the uniqueness of grief from the loss of a pet and has a specific chapter related to kids and pet loss... an important part of my intention for this work. I hope that it will inspire all who are inclined to garden to carve a little (or not so little) spot out that honors their special, beloved animal companion. In any case, I think that it will bring a sense of immense validation to anyone who has felt the grief from the loss of a pet... and felt alone in it.
    I will be happy to autograph your book. If you are wanting to give it as a gift to someone mourning the loss of a pet - or an organization, like an animal shelter - just let me know whom to inscribe the book to - I am more than happy to do so.
    Blessings to all of you,
    Marsha Olson
    Author of "A Garden of Love and Healing: Living Tributes to Those We've Loved and Lost" and "Dogwood and Catnip: Living Tributes to The Pets We've Loved and Lost".

  • jody_brookhaven_farm
    20 years ago

    How do we get a copy of the book?! This is sooo lovely and so needed . . .thank you all . . .

  • MarshaO
    Original Author
    20 years ago

    You can get an autographed one through me.
    Marsha Olson, PO Box 1694, Lyons, CO 80540
    12.95 and shipping is on me!
    PS - one of the many gardens in the book is by someone you may know - a most delightful garden memorial of Snookie, beloved pet of beloved garden web member June Mucci!

  • dawnstorm
    20 years ago

    There are two areas in my yard devoted to departed loved ones: one over the graves of my first two dogs, and another one dedicated to my father. The dogs' grave is now covered with chameleon carpet and a sedum, and the garden dedicated to my father has all manor of things: some sedum, some daffodils, a day lily or two and some dracenia.

  • LovingEyes16
    9 years ago

    I'm so sorry to hear about your losses. It's truly difficult to lose a best friend and loving companion. Every pet is so unique and special. I am fostering a beautiful well mannered Staffordshire Terrier who really needs a loving home. She was a neighbors pet who fell on hard times. I have a dog so I can't afford to keep her long term. I know this is a strange way to share her information, but I want to ensure she finds a safe and loving home. Please just look at her adopte a pet page. The link is below labeled Cookie.Thank you

    Here is a link that might be useful: Cookie

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