Linda - I am so sorry to hear of your trials. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband during this difficult time. I know you don't know me but e mail me and I will give you my phone number so you can talk or cry on my shoulder whenever you need to. I went through a hard time a few years ago when my husband was found to have cancer. I know how it feels to be scared about the one you love then have your own health deteriorate. I am here for you if you need me.

Sending you hugs wrapped in prayers.

Susan

So sorry. My thoughts are with you.

Thank you so much Susan for your offer and I will get in touch with you. You are a most wonderful and God sent angel at this point in my life.

Lakeron, than you for taking the time to let me know you are there.

I had the echo today and it really worried me as the technician took an extra thirty minutes on the test. She spent a lot of time measuring several areas of my heart and I could tell by watching it that there were some issues that were not there in the earlier one. She was really thorough when she came to the aortic value and spent approximately ten minutes taing measurments, photos and such. She even stopped on went over to my chart and wrote something in it. In fact she did this on three occasions. This truly concerns me and she gave me a hug when I left and wished me the best of luck. I do not know exactly how to interpret that response. I am not scheduled to see the doctor until November. I know I have to let go and let God, but at the moment I am not able to do that. I am truly worried about finding eviction notice on my door, but I have turned that over to the angels and I am worried about being able to work or having surgery and be out for several months. I do not know what I would do with Lee and it really has me scared and I feel so alone. I realized that if I have to have this surgery there is no one to take care of me. I would be on my own with the assistance of a home nurse from time to time, but basically on my own to prepare my own meals, etc. It is a very sobering thought but God always provides and I have to keep telling myself that. Thanks again for listening or should I say reading. May God bless each one of you. Linda

Oh,Linda, I and my wife have been there when I had a massive stroke. I know that you are scare,I was.
I will pray for you dear. Psalm 23 was a scripture that
kept me going. You are not alone.
Felix

Linda am so sorry for what you are going thru. November seems a long time to be waiting for test results ( it is only the 5 of October !.) give it two weeks , then call your doctors office. Agree to see the physician assistant. They do report to the doctor. At least you will know , instead of having your mind race with negative thoughts.

I have an appointment next week with the P.A. in my doctors office . Sometimes you must slip into little b***hy/ freak out mode. Given a choice I would take a highly educated and motivated nurse over an arrogant doctor any day. Maybe she ( or he ) can point to the right direction for local services for help.

Linda
If your doc doesn't need to see you until Nov then she/he isn't as worried about your condition as you are. Sometimes the worry and waiting is worse than the actuality. (Been there.)

You should do as jupiter suggests and make an appointment with someone in the office and tell them exactly what you've told us. I agree the nurses can be a great help in a more practical way.

The rent issue I think has you tense and that magnifies your medical worries. It's hard to see straight when everything comes at you at once but try to look at one thing at a time. Eviction is not the worst thing in the world.

I always ask myself the question "What's the worst thing that could happen?". Then I try to deal with that in whatever small way I can. Work on Plan B (for whatever your worst thing is) and let the rest go until you can handle it.

We are all keeping you in our thoughts. Please keep in touch even just to complain and worry.

Denise

Linda you are in my thoughts and prayers girl. Take on one battle at a time the rest will wait or fall in place.
If you need to talk email me you phone number and I'll call you. Thank heaven for free nights and weekends on my cell phone. You've gotten some good advice regarding the Dr appt.
(((((Linda))))
Your garden pal, Marion

Dear Linda:

We've never met, but I will keep you and your husband in my prayers.

With regard to your rent, you might consider talking to your landlord about your situation, measures you can take to meet your obligations (for example: a reduced rate for a period of time until you can pay him back). Communication can be the key. Landlords don't like to have to search for new tenants and if you've been a good tenant up to this point, he may be willing to work with you until your times of trouble pass. Bring him an offer. If he doesn't accept, then at least you know where you stand. You can plan for things you know will happen. It's the unknown that is terrifying.

Regarding the doctors. You've gotten some good advice. I would add: do searches on the internet yourself on your condidtion and your husband's. Doctors aren't as concerned as you are and they might not always know the latest treatment options. I had a condition that I was told to just endure. My husband did a search on the internet and found a treatment used in England. I took the printed copy to my doctor and he prescribed it. Within a week, I was much better (after suffering for months).

The medical community will never have the concern you have. Take charge. Take action. At the very least, you will feel less like a feather in the wind.

You are doing the right thing by reaching out. Keep reaching out and someone with answers will help you.

God bless you,
Julie in WPB

Oh Linda, I'm sorry I got here so late. Of course you and Lee are in my prayers and I'm sending you the biggest hug I can think of. (think Goofy...he's tall)
I agree you should work something out with your landlord. Nothings moving right now so maybe he will work with you.
Then I would get on the computer and search for any state or county programs that might offer assistance. Don't be proud. You worked for it, you should get it back, be it food stamps or rent assistance.
Take care of you and know we're are all with you and want you to get better.
Love ya!
Kristi

Dear Linda,
My prayers are with you also. Try and call a local church, some of them have programs -home health aides, or even financial help.
Coffeemom is right, check into SSD and food stamps, you've worked and earned, plenty people get stuff because they know how the system works. There are even programs that help with the cost of Rx just call around and ask questions of the agencies you call-
Take care
Barb

Linda,

I'm so sorry you are going through all this. Here's some information about getting assistance in the Orlando area that might helpful to you.

Help with paying rent:
Orange County Crisis Assistance 407-836-6500
Orange County Health & Family Services 407-836-8410

I had an HIV positive friend who was able to get his rent paid for a couple months when he was having significant health troubles several years ago. He even got assistance with his power bill. It doesn't hurt to ask.

Help with food:
Salvation Army Food Pantry 407-423-8581
Catholic Charities Food Pantry 407-658-0999

I don't know if they will just give you food or if they might have some volunteers who will help bring you meals.

Help with anything else:
Dial 211 on your phone. It will connect you to the Heart of Florida United Way 211 help line. Then you can ask them for names and numbers of local agencies that can help with transportation, medical needs or even just someone to talk to about your stressful situation.

There's help out there. You should take advantage of it instead of trying to carry the load by yourself.

Best wishes to you.

((((Dear Linda)))) ~ Reaching out to others was a good thing for you to do. There is healing in love and that is what is being sent to you through this forum at this difficult time. You've been given lots of good tips, and recieved lots of love, hugs, good thoughts and prayers. I agree with Felix about Psalms 23 also.

You are not alone. May you feel the Love and Light of God surrounding and flowing through you right now.

FlowerLady

Linda, everyone here has given you such good advice, I can't add a thing to it. I have a friend who's signature is "If God brings me to it, he will bring me through it." He is with you now too.

Last month when I was feeling scared, angry, and worried and could think of nothing else I remembered what is called the Breath Prayer. Breathing in say (think), "Lord Jesus Christ Son of God", breathing out say, "Have mercy on me a sinner." You can pray 'unceasingly' with this; it helped me calm down and if only for just a breath or two I thought of something else other than my troubles. For me it was a different way to connect with God other than trying to tell him what I wanted done.

I'll add my prayers and thoughts to the rest of your friends, I know you feel overwhelmed but we absolutely do care about you and Lee.

Suzanne

There you go Linda, names and numbers of agencies who will help plus prayers. Whether you need to use these agenicies or not, it should rest your mind to know that they're there.
Barb

Linda:

I am so sorry to hear this. You have recieved EXCELLENT advice here. The only thing I would like to add is that you need to make it a priority to take care of yourself. By that I mean take the time to eat well balanced meals. Try to get some exercise - walk around the block until you just cannot go anymore. I suspect the stress you have been under has contribiuted to your own health problems and these techniques can help with that. An hour spent fixing a good meal for yourself or exercising is not an hour away from your husband - it is an hour investing in your own well being so you can be with him for the long run.

Sometime we get so busy taking care of loved ones or worrying that we feel we cannot spare time to take care of ourselves but you need to that and you are worth it.

Anita

Linda, you poor gal. I wish the best for you. Do what you can to keep your mind off of it. Take care of yourself. You'll make it thru whatever it is. You're stronger than you realize. Look at what you have been thru.
Wishing you the best.

Cliff

Linda, I'm sorry things haven't gotten any easier for you. I'm also sorry I haven't been around GW much this year, but you and Lee remain in my prayers. You know my email address and if you need to pour it all out, I'll listen.
If you need surgery, it's the time for Lee's family to step in and finally give you some help. Don't hesitate to lay some serious guilt on them! You've carried it all for a long time.
Kate

God says He answers before we even finish asking. Sometimes HIs answers come from all directions. It looks like His touch through so many here who care about you. He says "fear not" more than any other direction in the Bible - that tells me how well He knows His children and knows we are prone to fear... It sounds like He is sending comfort, love and good direction from your friends here... Our prayers are added to the others for you especially. May He continue to meet your needs and may His mercy continue to hover over you. You also have my number if you'd like to call.
Linda in lakeland

Linda! This may sound counterproductive compared to all the suggestions above, but do try to moderately attempt to do this.

It is said that 90% of what we worry about never happens, right? SOOOOOOooo, do what I do and start worrying about everything you can and you may find that none of the bad stuff you are worrying about will occur when all this stress clears. Make sense?

Hang in there, be your ole tough self.

Tony

Let me say that I appreciate all of your prayers, well wishes and advice. I serve with the United Way and I have worked with community service groups for years. I am familiar with their services but do appreciate your suggestions. My church is one of the large churches here in town and they believe in your life group to do the assistance. Unfortunately with Lee's health issues I have not been able to establish a relationship with a group and the chruch has a fund they use to assist once in a while and they have given me all they can at the present time in assistance with rent and obtaining the very expensive antibiotic back in January. I have no where else to turn, but I am not worried so much about eviction at this time other than how I would get everything packed and into a storage unit in three days. The landlords are retired and spend a lot of time traveling and leave notes on my truck. It is hard to speak with them. I leave notes at their hosue and do not know when they receive them and even if they do. Their neice takes care of a lot of their business when they are out of town and she is a lawyer.

My own health is the least of my owrries at this time as I hate to admit it, but Lee attempted suicide this morning only he was too chicken to follow through with it. He attempted to cut his wrists with a saw, but he said he was a failure in life and is a failure at committing suicide. He is so down and to learn this afternoon that his son Kurt was given 3-6 months and that it has been 3 months and he is not doing well is not helping matters. I can not work tomorrow because I have to stay with Lee until we can see his doctor on Monday. He has promised not to try anything else, but I can not risk that. Kurt is at home with hospice staying with him and he is failing fast. His siblings are flying out on Wed to be with him as his birthday is tomorrow and he will be 48.

To top matters off one of Lee's grandaughters is awaiting her MRI results to see if her breast cancer has returned and if it has spread to her other breast. Things just keep coming.

My angels are watching over me and that is what keeps me going along with the love of Jesus. I know God does nto give us more than we can bear but there are times when you lose sight of that knowledge when the human side of you takes over. I have a new black spot on the side of the infected toe, but do not have time to worry about it as there are more important things to worry about at this moment. Thanks for listening and being here. I love you each and every one, Linda

Linda, keeping you, Lee and his family in our prayers.
Lynne

Update as of today, Monday, October 8, is that the landlord has given me until November 15 to pay all the back rent and be current. Now I just have to figure out how to come up with $3500 by then. I am in the process of deciding which pieces of furniture I can sell along with deciding if my body will let me work overtime and work every day of the week for a while. I am also comtemplating selling my wedding rings as a home for my husband is more important than any rings.

Lee is doing much better and the doctor thinks he is safe to leave alone. He upped his antidepressant and I have locked all the power tools, etc away where he can not access them. He went to church yesterday and the church members will be checking on him. I am hanging in there and will see the doctor tomorrow on my toe. That is my main concern at the moment. I am taking things a day at a time and going from there. At least I do not have to worry about an eviction notice for a little while. That takes some of the stress off of worrying if I have to pack up and get out in three days. I am going to start packing things as I am not sure if I can meet the payment deadline and I will rent a storage unit and begin storing things and selling things and then if worse comes to worse I can live in the camper in a cheap campground and Lee can live in a retirement center. I do not care about where I have to live and how as long as he has a good place to stay. He has enough pension funds to take care of himself. I will just have to scrimp and take a second job to survive, but I have been there before and I can do it again.

Thanks for listening and I will not bother you with any more details in the future. God sent you to me to have a shoulder to cry upon and I thank each of you for that. Linda

Oh dear Linda ~ My heart goes out to you and Lee. I am so sorry you are having to go through all of this. You've been in my thoughts and prayers since I first read this post.

Love and hugs ~ FlowerLady

Thoughts and prayers for you and Lee. Please take care of yourself. I wish we lived closer so I could help you.

So sorry for all your troubles Linda. You know our thoughts are with you!

Linda,

I am so sorry to hear of all your troubles. My thoughts and prayers are with you and I also wish I lived closer to help you. Please keep us posted. We care about you.

Hugs,
Carmen

lInda,

I've been wondering aobut you and Lee so am sorry for your bad news. It does sound as if you're coping better than most of us. If you need someone to sit with Lee, just say the word. I'm thinking of you both.

Barbara

Naplesgardener, aka Denise, thank you so much for the card and the scrumptous cookies. My husband and I enjoyed them tremednously.

Hubby is doing lots better and able to get in and out of bed into his wheelchair and even stood with the walker. YEAH

Kurt may have 2-3 months left and that makes me sad especially as we see no way of affording a trip to Charlotte to say goodbye.

As for me,my toe is not healed yet though there does not appear to be any more infection and as far as my heart goes I do not have time to worry about that. I have more pressing matters to consume my time at the moment.

Thanks for all the prayers and well wishes as they have helped. *hug* Linda

Dear Linda ~ Thank you so much for posting an update. You and your DH have been in my thoughts and prayers. Glad your hubby is doing better. That is great news. Hope your toe is soon healed.

FlowerLady

Hubby is doing some better and beginning to venture out a little in his chair. He has been going to church service on Sunday.

I am still concerned over whether we will have a place to live after the 15th of next month, but otherwise hanging in there. Having extreme difficulty keeping blood pressure in control but this is due in part to stress, kidney issues and I now have a growth hormone problem. Life is not always fun. See doctor on heart issue in approximately 10 days give or take. Thanks for being there and all the well wishes, Linda