I'll start:

1. I don't feed or fertilize anything, ever.
2. I only hand-water once every 7-10 days, if I remember. (And there's no supplemental watering system for the flower beds)
3. I've "pinched" plants without permission from neighbors and doctors' offices, etc.
4. I'm deathly afraid of grabbing those Florida Grasshoppers. Even with gloves on. I just can't, I'd rather let them eat.
5. I love Jerry Baker, in spite of everything.

Ok, I have to add!

6. I kill any bug that lands on me or touches me! And I love bees, but swat at them like I'm on fire if they come close.
7. I buy stuff for my yard, house, closet because it represents the life I WISH I had, or because I'm schizophrenic. (I want fun, upbeat, calypso stuff for my garden, but I like sleepy angels, too. Then they don't flow)
8. My neighbors have never really spoken to me. Probably because my Jasmine, Honeysuckle, Passion Vine, and Boston Ferns are creeping under their fences! ( I don't care, either. )
9. Gardening clothes: If it's at least 68 degrees outside, I'm wearing an ugly strapless sundress with garden boots or barefoot. (Same way I mow the lawn - riding mower) If it's colder out, I'm wearing my flannel PJ's and same gardening boots. If it get's REALLY cold, I wear my father's old quilted flannel over the PJ's.
10. The cheesier/ more tourist-y/ tropical, the better! I love "garden junk!" (Coming from Detroit 12 years ago, I still get giddy over the most common things here!)

The expensive frost cloth I bought to protect those tender tropicals sat all winter on an old freezer, see above comment.

I love it when my husband goes out to play golf with his buddies, I can spend all day gardening in my old tennies. Shhh, don't tell him.

I actually like the selection of plants at the big box stores!

I can not pass a broken branch in my yard without the urge to stick it a pot to see if it will grow.

And you forgot your other confession: You like digging graves... er, holes.

Also... What are Garden Clothes? I get up, put on clothes and just go.

Thirdly: You will never catch me working in the garden without Radio Margaritaville 'blasting' from my garden shed. I may be the only one (or at least one of the few) who has a complete surround sound system with subwoofer in their garden shed so that I can listen to music in any corner of the yard. It's super rare that I turn it up that loud as most of my work is around the shed anyways, but if I wanted to, I could really annoy my neighbors who prefer to be up all night and sleep through the day. Some day I may invest in those wireless garden speakers, but for now, what I have works.

My last has not happened yet, but I might as well throw it out there. The above neighbor's Turk's Turbans (Clerodendrum indicum) might accidentally get misted or injected with Round-Up this Spring. The stuff is spreading like crazy and invading my yard. And they do NOTHING to control it. They can't even be bothered to mow their yard because that would mean being awake during the day!

Joey, you're right. This isn't grass, you DO over-water, and Hibiscus should smell as good as it looks!

Leekle, I am laughing and laughing because I can SO relate! I want a garden wagon, too! Badly. No seriously. Badly.
Garden clothes are the clothes you don't mind wearing while crawling in mud. If you need more clarification, then your testosterone levels are within normal ranges.
OMG about the radio! Right now, I blast my iPod into my own earballs (by granddaughter's term), but would LOVE to have Surround out there! (And damn the neighbors!)
Choking and gasping about the Turk's Turbans! I would pretend to have a birthday party and lob Round-Up water balloons over the fence!

Oh, my sides. I'm laughing and coughing and totally relating over here!

I just moved last month to a new town and this yard has a big hedge with woods behind. I find in my laziness that it's easier to just throw stuff over the hedge that I don't want any more - like fallen tomatoes and fruit and branches I've pruned. I guess I got in the habit while living in Chokoloksee and my plants were so close to the water that I'd toss all the snails and slugs I'd find right into the boat basin.

So now instead of feeding the catfish, I'm feeding the raccoons.

I know I'm just lazy. I put alot of my container plants near the neighbor's yard so they can catch a sprinkling from their irrigation system. It makes the lawnmower man crazy since it really limits the space he has to manuever the giant mower between the yards.....one of these days someone is going to quit giving me the new neighbor courtesy, I just know it.

And I, too, have had cuttings and seeds just show up in my pocket while visiting places like Sea World and San Juan and even Applebee's. But they really have to stop doing that now - I mean even after having a plant sale at my old house, we still moved almost 300 potted plants.I can't throw anything away that looks like it has a chance of living, even plants I don't really like, such as Snake Plants and Amaryllis.

I've always wanted to have a nursery. So my theory is - even if I don't want this plant for my own yard, maybe someone will and I can sell it. And I can use that money to buy a bag of potting soil.

Which leads to another confession: since soil is expensive, I just keep using it over and over. Pepper plants go out; caladium bulbs go in.

And I also confess to looking pretty ratty while out in the yard. My old neighborhood had gotten used to my too baggy, over-bleached shorts and thread-bare T-shirts covered with paint, but that was like living in Mayberry and this is just a different kind of place. Most of those folks have hired me to paint their houses during my time living there; these neighbors don't know yet that I'm wearing my "uniform."

And my last confession is that in all the places I've lived, even with having the "Call-Before-You-Dig" service, I've managed to cut through phone and cable wires, or puncture some PVC. Or worse yet, cut off a lizard's tail.

Oh and I almost forgot, when I do things like cut off a lizard's tail, or accidently prune off the living, blooming branch instead of the dead one, I always tell the thing "I'm so sorry!"

And I hope you'll forgive me!

Susie

I too wear the most rattest stained clothes for gardening.

My husband hears me talking to the plants and thinks we have company. I actually yell at a plant that isn't doing well. Like "What the hell is the matter with you, I just fed you."

I keep saying I am going to cut back my plants but can't wait for GardenFest in Vero this weekend.

Katkin, laughing about the Raintree. Even though it probably isn't always funny, huh?

Thought of a few more of mine:

16. I rarely buy potting soil. I just walk to the edge of the canal and take "dirt."
17. I'm a chronic plant-mover. No matter where I plant something, right about the time it gets established and healthy, I dig it up and move it. Easily 6 times before I like where it is. Then I wonder why it isn't growing as well/fast as I'd expected.

18. I just bought a new pair of pruners for the garden, but I don't want to use them because then they won't be shiny/sharp any more. Which leads to...
19. I never clean my gardening tools, and I never oil them.

I'm not a gardener. I'm a tech geek and borderline nerd. I just can't afford to keep up with technology right now so I expand my knowledge in the area of gardening rather than computers and related tech. And while some might say that gardening is just as expensive as technology, maybe more so... with gardening you can take cheap baby steps and eventually reach your goal. In the tech world you can't do that.

S.S. - you'll have to email me your address. I have baby amaryllis bulbs comin' out my ears. And Shear Stupidity should be MY name - for planting hundreds of seeds of something I have no room to plant, simply because everyone in my neighborhood had seedpods last spring. I just couldn't resist.

I have lots more seeds if you'd like to try them. It's really fun watching them come up.
And it will be fun to see what the blooms will look like.

Leekle, your confession is a huge shocker! I doubt if anyone can top that one. That's like saying "I'm not a gardener -
I just play one on GW." (And you might be too young to get that)

You deserve an award, though. We're glad you've joined us - you're actually one of us now and there's no goin' back. If we have to, we'll send your kids their presents next Christmas if temptation overtakes you.

Susie

Susieqsie, my email address is:
bangelich@cfl.rr.com

I'll take anything you'll send me. See number 22 below.

20. I'm not a Master Gardener, I'm not a chef, and I'm not an interior decorator. But everyone else seems to think so, so I let them!

21. My name is Shear_Stupidity because I do hair. (On other sites, I use Shear_Madness, Shear_Agony, etc)

22. I, too, plant more things than I know what to do with. And I'm BEYOND guilty of starting seedlings, then letting them rot because of my indecision.

23. I buy almost all specimen plants and never buy or plant masses of anything, even though that's the look I WANT.

TheTradition, NOTHING is wrong with Jerry Baker, IMO.

24. I almost rear-ended the car in front of me today in my attempt to spot and point out plants on the side of the road to my passenger. *Blush* People probably thought I was texting and driving, but I was just LOOKing. Just not LOOKing in front of me.

I'm not retired yet, just wish I was. LOL!

25. I plant seeds, then pick them up out of their media to see if they're germinating.

I yell at snakes' departing tails for startling the crap out of me.
But you see, we don't just have snakes... we have SNAKES. Lots of them. (We back up to a "canal.") We have Southern Black Racers, and Red Rat snakes (Corn snakes) and Flower Pot snakes, and Scarlet King snakes (Aka: "Friends of Jack"). In case you don't know, though... when your dog is running at you carrying a baby Scarlet King snake, it looks like a Coral snake. (Aka: "Kill a fellow"). We get Corals, too, but not as often.
We have a Black Racer we've been watching grow in length every year. I kept telling people how long he was and no one believed me... until...
We had company over and were all swimming in the pool (not screened). Here he comes around the corner of the house, slow and lazy as you please. I got everyone's attention and they all watched in stunned horror as all 7 feet of him came around the corner. (We measured from the corner to where his head was when his tail came into view.) They're really only supposed grow to 4-5 feet. (Yes, I'm sure it's a Southern Black Racer.)
I keep calling him a "him," but it's probably a "her." We find a few clusters of babies every Spring.
Probably because we STILL have spare bricks stacked against a sided of the house.

As for the Crown Snakes, I was just pulling up clumps of crabgrass when one 'root' slid out of the ground, stared at me and slid back into the ground. I kept pulling up the crabgrass and another different one slid out to check what all the noise in the hallway was. I managed to capture this one long enough to grab my Reptiles and Amphibians book and identify it. While reading up on it, I learned that 1) they are Endangered and 2) that time of year was breeding season. So I changed my mind of holding it until the kids got home so they could see it and returned it to the area where I had found its possible mate.

Here is the slightly annoyed Crown Snake. It was so annoyed it wouldn't look at the camera to give me a good shot of it's 'crown'.

27. I don't even try to hide my plant purchases from my husband because if I get it in the ground fast enough, he'll never even notice! I'm also guilty of saying, "Oh that? I dug that up on the side of the road." (While praying he doesn't see that the empty black pot stack has grown)
28. I grow edibles but won't eat them because they're not organic. But I save the seeds in case of Zombie Apocalyptic Desperation. (ZAD's)
29. But I suspect I would have no problem drinking the wine I would make with the grapes I would grow if I weren't too lazy and impatient to make my own wine.
30. I've already decided that the next windy-gusty day, I'm going to "prune" some of my neighbor's tree and let her blame the wind. (It's a Grapefruit tree that's dragging the ground in her front yard) I've done it before and know how to make it look convincing.

No hate mail here!!

It's a biggie.

31. I tell my husband that everyone on GW says "fill-in-the-blank" to get him to agree to certain things in the yard. For example, I hated the shrubs on the side of our house, so I told him THIS person and THAT person and this OTHER person (experts, of course) on GW all agreed they should be moved... to an area where they will NEVER thrive. And just to make sure it "took," I waited and suggested it right before our first frost. They are kindling now. I know it, and now YOU know it, but he wants to "wait and see if they recover in the Spring." I bite my cheeks and nod grimly and agree we should wait and see. I hope he doesn't notice that the RoundUp level is dropping.
I almost left the RoundUp sitting right next to the dead shrub the other day! He pulled in the driveway and I RANNNNN out the back door and grabbed it and was just shoving it in the cabinet as he came out the back door wondering where I was.

WHEW!

My garden shenanigans include having to hide potting soil purchases while living on the island - Naples was such a long drive and the only place to get dirt. So I'd beg friends and neighbors to pick up bags for me when they went to town. They still think of me as a dirt junkie - like "what do you DO with all that?" and "didn't I JUST get some for you?"

I'm not THAT twisted!

At least I'm not a dirt junkie. LOL!

Reminds me of me when I was your age!

Snidely Whiplash

We're close enough.

As for all the planning, that's what happens when you marry a smart guy. You have to plan and think things through! I blame HIM.

As an old friend used to say, "Ya' gotta' make your own fun."