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shear_stupidity

Smh....

shear_stupidity
10 years ago

So, my friend is down from Michigan visiting. Last time he was here, he cut down some Brazillian Pepper in my back yard (in March), so while making conversation on the drive back from Orlando, I was telling him some of the yard work I needed to do at some point during his 10-day visit... which included dealing with Brazillian Pepper again.

We get back from the airport, he puts his bags in the guest room, then rushes outside to see the gardens (and smoke). I was in the midst of answering an email, so I stayed in the house. I get very distracted when I'm on the computer, so I was only dimly aware that he was coming in the back door, going to the garage, carrying the shovel back outside.... Then back in the house again to grab an empty grocery bag... Then I hear him in my mini-shed rustling around (for pruners, it turns out).

Next thing I know, he comes back in the house and marches up to me at my computer desk and shoves a large piece of plant under my nose. I glanced at it and absentmindedly said, "Beautyberry" and went back to what I was doing... for a split second. As my mind-fog lifted, I turned to him as he said, "Huh. I thought it was something else."

I shot out of my chair like... well... a shot.

"What are you doing? What have you been doing? Why did you cut that off?" He was trying to answer, but I was charging out the back door.

"What did you do? What are you DOING?!" (I can get stuck in a rut when I'm incredulous.) "Joe, WTH are you DOING? OMG OMG OMG..."

He answers, "I was cutting down... well... what I THOUGHT was more Brazillian Pepper." And that's when I see it: He has WalMart bagS (plural) full of the tops of my Beautyberry bushes. There is a shovel propped against the fence. The actual Brazillian Pepper that has begun to re-grow is as happy as you please 8 feet away from the "action."

He thought he was being clever. "I was cutting off all the berries before they ripen and fall on the ground... then I was gonna dig them up by the roots."

That was two days ago and I'm still speechless. You should see my poor Beautyberries. They're lopped down to about a foot tall.

Now, every time he gestures toward the back door and says, "I'm gonna step out back and smoke," I have little pangs of anxiety.

Then today he's outside smoking and pokes his head back in and says, "Can I water your plants?" I tried to say, "Sure, go ahead." But what came out was, "Are you nuts?!?!?" Which caused my 7-year-old granddaughter to raise one eyebrow at me like I'm crazy.

Smh.

Comments (22)

  • KaraLynn
    10 years ago

    I feel for you, really I do , but that is such a funny story! Thankfully beautyberry is a really tuff plant and should bounce back quickly, growing bigger and better then it was before.

  • thetradition
    10 years ago

    Beautyberry can take a heavy pruning. It'll probably be healthier in the long run.

  • thetradition
    10 years ago

    Earlier this week I was out of town for work. My wife sent me a text message that said, "I watered your tomato plants for you."

    I wanted to text back something like, "Are you nuts?"

    But instead, I wrote, "Thanks, honey!"

    A happy wife = a happy life.

  • shear_stupidity
    Original Author
    10 years ago

    I am NOT telling him that!
    These were the first berries and they didn't get to turn colors or anything! I just GOT this plant at the last plant swap! It was doing so well.

    Ironically, they now match the purple Porterweed that my husband weed-whacked because, as he said, "I didn't remember it being there last time I weed-whacked, so I thought it was a weed."

    Can't even fire them because they're not being paid. LOL!

  • shear_stupidity
    Original Author
    10 years ago

    LOL! I have to choke back like that, too. But on the fly, it just... flew.

  • shear_stupidity
    Original Author
    10 years ago

    I almost forgot! I shocked the pool on Saturday. Hubby took the grand kids out to swim on Sunday. I almost jumped through the window when I saw them... all three of them... using their hands to splash pool water on my nearby plants. I whipped the door open and said, "What are you... Don't DO that! Do you even... ARGGH! ... Kevin, that's pool water... UGH!... I just shocked the pool! What are you thinking? I'm gonna puke!!!"

    That happened.

  • morningloree
    10 years ago

    Oh my gosh, I have so many Beauty Berry Bushes to give away, say the word..., they do come back very well though. My third lawn guy just weed whacked a hole in one of my water lily pots, I tried patching it up but water is trickling out the side as we speak. GRRR

  • shear_stupidity
    Original Author
    10 years ago

    I have been meaning to ask how your water pots were doing!

    I'll see how these recover, but if I need to I'll take you up on your offer. Such a treat to see your yard anyway!

  • zzackey
    10 years ago

    I had a cool looking wildflower that was just starting to bud up. I just happened to look out my window and see my husband mow it down. I didn't have the heart to say anything to him. He usually leaves them alone. I guess because it was near the trellis he felt compelled to mow over it. Thankfully there is another one growing nearby.

  • morningloree
    10 years ago

    I'll pot some for you just in case. If you didn't get a a Reed Orchid, I potted one up. Keep me posted.

  • Truscifi
    10 years ago

    Lol! On the plus side, those things are crazy tough. I have a patch where I DON"T want them that I can't get rid of no matter what I do, including whacking them all off.

  • shear_stupidity
    Original Author
    10 years ago

    This morning over coffee, he says, "Do you wanna walk over there and see the damage to your Berry thingies?"

    I said, "No. I can see it from here."

    I love giving him a hard time!

  • carolb_w_fl_coastal_9b
    10 years ago

    I feel your pain! That is the reason why I do all the mowing & weed-whacking in our yard. Hubby is blind as a bat, & even tho he is responsible for encouraging me to garden in the 1st place, he seems to have no idea that I'd like to KEEP flowers or what is & is not a weed.

    I've also learned not to let stuff like that bother me for very long ; if something gets eliminated, that means I have more room for something new...

  • SusieQsie_Fla
    10 years ago

    Bridget-Girl
    That story is priceless.

    I can just imagine Emma's face. She'll probably be hearing "Are you nuts?" a couple more times during Joe's visit.

    Be sure and keep us in the loop as other smh-type stuff occurs. . .

    And let me know when you're going to Dawn's - I'd love to have you stop by here for your gingers, too!

    Susie

  • katkin_gw
    10 years ago

    Ok, am I the only one that doesn't know what smh stand for? :o)

  • Carol love_the_yard (Zone 9A Jacksonville, FL)
    10 years ago

    Katkin,

    I'm sure you are not alone! SMH = shaking my head

    Carol

  • shear_stupidity
    Original Author
    10 years ago

    Did some yard work today. I was on the riding mower while hubby was trimming. I drove over to him and asked him to please unlock the back gate so I could mow what we jokingly refer to as "the back 40."

    He carried his *still running* trimmer over to the gate, tried to do the combination lock with his left hand, then grumbled and swung the trimmer around behind him to use his other hand... in the process, he gave my Crape Myrtle a "trim."

    I'm not even kidding.

  • KaraLynn
    10 years ago

    I'm glad I was reading this at home and not work because I let out a loud laugh at your hubbys lastest antic!

  • morningloree
    10 years ago

    I think it is easier to forgive innocent mistakes. When you pay someone the big bucks and it ends up costing you more money... because lawn guy rode his mower too close to my lily garden and put a gash in the pot, then ran over part of the irrigation system and instead of my yard getting watered on Saturday, a huge geyser erupted in the back yard. I had just finished digging through the composted cow manure with all the dead tadpoles to transplant my water lily, when Ol Faithful went off. There was no water pressure to water the yard, so I tried to plug up the broken pipe and just ended shooting water up my nose. I did more than shake my head.

  • shear_stupidity
    Original Author
    10 years ago

    Kara, I'm trying to laugh... Succeeding most of the time!

    Dawn, I have nothing witty to say. We have a mini-geyser in our yard and I have no idea when the hubby will get around to fixing it! I've had water shoot up my nose and they can keep it!

  • shear_stupidity
    Original Author
    10 years ago

    Kara, I'm trying to laugh... Succeeding most of the time!

    Dawn, I have nothing witty to say. We have a mini-geyser in our yard and I have no idea when the hubby will get around to fixing it! I've had water shoot up my nose and they can keep it!

  • KaraLynn
    10 years ago

    I don't have a hubby but I do have both my brother and Dad. And they've both done some interesting things over the years. One year my dad decided to be helpful and trimmed mom's huge rosemary bush. He trimmed it back so much that the poor thing went into shock and died. Now he's not allowed to go near the replacement plant. Any time he gets out the loppers, the axe, or his chain saw mom and I keep a close eye on him. Both to make sure he doesn't trim on something he shouldn't and to make sure he doesn't damage himself. It's not as bad now that he's been baned from climbing the trees with his chain saw!

    Another time my brother and I were helping dad trim some trees on the back property. Dad was operating the chain saw and my brother and I were supposed to keep the branches from damaging the fence. Well, Dad was cutting off a pretty big but low branch that went right over the fence. As he finished cutting through the branch for some unknown reason my brother let go and I ended up taking all of the weight. Both my inner arms were covered in bruises and scrapes after that! But the fence was undamaged.