We've been in our house for a little over 2 years now and have transferred everything outside to organic. We've done many of the simpler green changes like changing our light bulbs and putting appliances on switches so they aren't always on standby. We've also gone over a year and a half without using our heatpump for A/C or heating and sold off our dryer because the clothesline makes much more sense in so many ways.

What I don't get is when we have houseguests, they refuse to understand or even listen to anything we tell them about how we live, all of which have been forewarned about our lifestyle before they decide to come stay with us.

For example, our latest houseguests first words when she came through the door, "Can I use your washer and dryer?" First of all this seems rather odd since they were coming from home which is about 6 hrs away and were only staying for the weekend...what in the world needs to be washed already? We told her it'd be fine, but she'd have to hang her clothes to dry since we don't have a dryer anymore. You would have thought she saw a ghost. Then they complain about how hot it is inside (for the record it was 76 inside), but keep the door wide open while standing in the doorway talking when it's 90+ outside and are constantly running the oven, hair dryers, and other heat producing devices. The exact opposite happens during the winter while they're standing in front of the fridge with the door wide open..."Brr...it's so cold in here." The list goes on and on, like McDonald's for breakfast every morning even when I've taken the time to cook bacon, eggs, grits, toast, etc.. This brings styrofoam and plastics into the house which we can't recycle and after telling them multiple times that *all* forms of paper go in the compost bin, I'm still digging tons of paper out of the trash can. The same goes with plastic bottles and aluminum cans. We have a bin right next to the trash can for recyclable items which we've gone over what types of items can be placed there multiple times, yet I'm still digging stuff like this out of the trash. It's almost like they're robots trained to throw everything in the big white trash can without thinking about where it goes from there.

I don't expect them to change overnight, or even change anything with the way they go about their lives outside of my home, but when they're in my home I expect them to give me enough respect to follow the rules of my house. At least give it an honest attempt. I respect them and their rules when I visit and do my best to blend into the atmosphere without displacing my morals, so why don't I get the same respect when they visit?

Many times I've felt the "green" movement is starting to make a difference, even if everyone only makes minor adjustments, it makes a major change in the big scheme of things. However, when people like this visit, I get the feeling it takes multiple "green" households to offset a single non-green household. Don't get me wrong, many of my family and friends have made adjustments after talking to them about how we do things, but these select few seem to be trying to push us away from green living because of their "it's just not right..why suffer like this when you don't have to" type of attitude.

I'm sorry for the rant, this is just something that's been bothering me for a while, so it turned this long time lurker into a poster. How do you think I should go about dealing with these guests? I would tell them they're not welcome if they're just going to complain, but since they're in-laws, I don't think that'd go over well with my wife.

I see where you're coming from - and no heat or air in SC, bully, bully. Try no heat in No. Minn. with the air temp at -20 and windchills to -50; on the other hand the need for air conditioning here on the shores of Lake Superior is rare even though I do have central air... just in case we get a few rare hot and humid days. You can still be green without being uncomfortable or alienating everyone who comes into contact with you.

You must understand that lots of folks are slow to jump on the reduce, reuse, and recycle bandwagon; they've never done it and don't quite get the reason for it. They probably have a better grasp of the perceived anal retentive personality. And though I do many green things, a guest in my home will never be unwelcome or made uncomfortable (physically or otherwise) for not seeing eye to eye with my green practices.

Unfortunately, it's an inconsiderate and throw-away culture out there, and the majority of the guests you welcome into your home will be deeply embedded in it. The time they spend with you will probably not break them of it, no matter how much we'd all like it to. I might suggest giving them their own trash receptacle - and telling them they have to take it with them when they leave. :)

I do agree that it takes a number of households concentrated on sustainability to overcome a single wasteful one. It's a sad fact, but there isn't much we can do but slowly educate whoever we can, and support the best organizations we can as consumers and voters.

One of the problems "we" have is that the more you get used to being conservation-minded, the more alien and bizarre the behavior of most of the western world starts to seem. For education to work, we need to try to understand their perspective, so the two camps can meet on common ground.

Your guests were taught (as were you, probably, and then you unlearned it) that anything that is used is "dirty" and should be taken away by the people who take that stuff away. Otherwise, you'll get sick - or much worse, uncool. This is genuinely what they believe, because it is what has been taught to them, and they think your actions are just annoying and occasionally unhygienic and wasteful effort. In their minds, they may very well be trying to put up with your seemingly nonsensical behavior as best they can, and may be going to get fast food because your natural food is just weird and seems inedible to them. In other words, they may be exasperated by your behavior as much as you are by theirs.

An interesting series I try to catch when I watch TV is the River Cottage Treatment, which highlights these differences in philosophy and shows an approach at education - at least with regards to the food cycle. This has probably been off the air forever, though, and I just haven't noticed yet.

The food thing is incredibly rude (of them - to eat out when you've cooked breakfast for them). I can't imagine a guest doing that to thier host. But in the future, ask them the night before whether you can expect them for breakfast or not, and hopefully that will start a conversation on what you'll be making, what they'd like, etc. The point being to try to entice them to eat with you. "I was thinking of making eggs and toast tomorrow morning, does that sound okay to everyone?" Something like that. It may not work, but it's worth a try...

Can't really just lock the in-laws out, unfortunately, but just keep at it. Make all your reminders with a smile, and sometimes, you'll probably just have to "give" a little bit with guests in the house. Sometimes being more laid-back about the house rules results in better following of them than trying to enforce them strictly all the time, or that's been my experience, anyways.

I feel the major disconnect is that when I'm a guest in someone's home, I act as a guest and don't expect my host to cater to my every whim and when they do go out of their way to make me feel welcome, I make sure they know how much I appreciate what they've done for me. These guests, on the other hand, act as though they rule the roost from the moment they walk through the door and it ruffles my feathers a bit. Especially when I attempt to do nice things for them and they show no appreciation. Personally, if it's a struggle for me to be a guest in someone's home I'd rather stay at a nearby hotel and save the trouble for both of us.

I'm very passionate about where our "throw away" society is taking this country and our world and it's a dagger through the heart to see it happening in my very own household. All I ask of them is to give a little respect when they're in my home, but no amount of hints or education has caused them to give us that respect.

As for the trash, my wife and I can usually go a month or more before our 30 gal. trash can is full and needs to be taken to the dump (we cancelled our pickup service a while ago). However, when I know these guests are coming (just two of them) I make sure to empty the 30 gal. container before they arrive because they'll fill it to the rim in a single weekend. It seems crazy to me that much waste can be produced by so few people in such a small amount of time, but it opens my eyes to how far we've come.

If you were referring to one-time guests, or those that come every so often, I would suggest to just put up with it. But the folks you are talking about seem to be fairly regular houseguests, if I read your post correctly. In that case, they really should have a bit more respect for your ways. After all, they've been there often enough to know your preferences. With all due respect, it sounds like these guests might be bothersome to many hosts, "green" or not!

Dee

I agree, the McDonald's thing is outrageous. For me, I deal with the incessant beef at their house when my mom knows I am terrified of Mad Cow, but I just do my best. Mea Culpa.
Just be proud of your wife and all the progess she's made from her upbringing.

We're constantly adjusting things so we still remain comfortable while being as conservative as possible. The no A/C and Heat was more of a way to prove to ourselves and our families/friends that it can be done with a little bit of extra effort (in some areas of the country). Yes, it may have been a little extreme at times, though we never let it become dangerous, we proved to ourselves that as human beings we don't always *need* the things we think we do.

Since moving to our home in the woods 3 years ago we've gone a long way in reducing "junk" and "garbage"... I think the last 10 weeks have undone all our efforts!

Living in the PacNW we get a lot of rain so drying clothes outside isn't always possible and therefore we run the dryer a couple times a week... but lately it is running for a couple HOURS every single day! I don't want to open my electric bill epsecially after I realized she is running the electric furnace during the day - hey our house maintains at about 65 degrees this time of year without any help. And the amount of garbage. Most can be recycled or composted but I feel silly digging through the garbage cans. I feel my blood pressure rising just thinking about it.

On the other hand I adore our guest and want her to feel like she is at home. Comfortable and happy. So maybe the stresses were worth it and next month my husband and I can go back to our simpler way of life.

But wait, I must share something funny. A recent visitor bought a dozen eggs from the grocery store... organic... I reminded her that we have a whole flock of naturally raised hens in the backyard and that there was no need to buy eggs when you just walk up to the nesting box and pick them up "farm fresh". The look on her face was priceless. For a moment I don't think she realized eggs came from chickens! hahaha!

Our society needs a mandatory field trip to a farm and a major reality check! :O)

I used to give a friend a dozen or two of brown eggs each time she visited, because I knew she had a big family and a small budget. One day she worked up the nerve to ask me about the 'brown spots' on the shells of some of them. I explained to her that it was merely uneven pigmentation. Freckles, so to speak. I wonder to this day if she took them home and dumped them out.

When I am a house guest, I ask the host or hostess the protocol of their home. I do the best I can to oblige their wishes. To do otherwise is rude and you are being an ingrate.

It is truly amazing how much trash some people generate. We only have a small trash can in our kitchen, which I usually empty every other day. I can't let the can get very full, or else my toddler takes stuff out and makes a mess. On the other hand, while there were visitors here ( i also have 3 kids, so double the people) I was taking out overstuffed bags twice a day. So, our garbage amount was quadrupled. Eeek.