this is the one. dead or normal?

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this is the same flower, taken sunday i think. see how the "ovary" isnt as plump now?
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That's unfortunate. It definitely is a goner and will never make it. There are many factors that can cause that but they are all some sort of plant stress. Never fear though, until the plant sets fruit you should get a female roughly every 3 or 4 days on the main vine. Every potential female flower will not yeild a pumpkin. Most will shrivel and die and never open. Typically this happens after you get fruit set. The plant can only handle one or two pumpkins, then all subsequent females never open until the plant gets big enough/healthy enough to support more fruits.

Could be a result of over or under watering, those are definitely possiblilities. Over watering because it sounds like twice a day is a lot of water. Under watering because frequent shallow waterings encourage a weak root system. If you water for 3 or 4 minutes you probably did nothing more than dampen the surface and didn't really get any water to your plants. You just want the plants to get an inch of water per week. Next time you water stick your finger in the soil to see how deep the water actually penetrated, you may be surprised. Fewer deep waterings benefit the plant more than frequent shallow waterings.

In the long run just be patient, it will get there.