§ I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit

me.

§ Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a

rest.

§ Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?

He's all right now.

§ The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir

Cumference.

§ The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in

his work

§ To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

§ When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

§ The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at

large.

§ A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

§ A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened

criminal.

§ Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with

stalking.

§ We'll never run out of math teachers because they always

multiply.

§ When the smog lifts in Los

Angeles, U C L A.

§ The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky

ground.

§ The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

§ If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your

memory.

§ A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

§ What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway)

§ A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

§ Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

§ A backward poet writes inverse.

§ In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your

Count that votes

§ A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

§ If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

§ With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

§ When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

§ The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

§ You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

§ He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

§ A calendar's days are numbered.

§ A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

§ A boiled egg is hard to beat.

§ He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

§ A plateau is a high form of flattery

§ Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the

end.

§ When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

§ When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd

dye.

§ Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

§ Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

§ Acupuncture: a jab well done