Good grief, if someone new comes to the forum and asks a question, please answer them. Don't tell them the question has been asked a million times before and then tell them to search. And how about not insulting them?

If you don't have something nice to say, how about just not typing anything? You know how many times I've typed a page-long response to some nastiness, and then just deleted it. Forum wars are pointless.

Cut out the sarcasm. It's just downright rude.

And I hate it when a select few act like they own the forum. I've seem more of that type come and go over the years.

Sorry to vent... but at least I'm doing it in the off-topic area.

I just HATE conflict and seeing people get their feelings hurt or feel rebuffed or feel as though they are not welcomed! This is not any one person's
place to reign or rule! We all are a part of what makes this a really great place to *hang* or none of us are!

What happened to *kindness*, *courtesy* and *respect* for other people? None of us, know anything, or have anything unless it was taught us, or given to us! We all come into this life naked and ignorant. We don't put clothes on till someone else does it for us the first time, and we'd stay ignorant if someone didn't take the time to teach us what we ultimately come to know!

I'm really tired tonight, and probably shouldn't even comment on this thread--but then again, I am, and I will probably regret it because I'm sure it could be misread by someone thinking I have singled them out, when I have no ONE person in mind, at all--just the "spirit" of what happens here all too often, of late!

janice

Lynnem wrote:
"And I hate it when a select few act like they own the forum. I've seem more of that type come and go over the years."

Well Lynne - we can always keep our fingers crossed and hope that happens in this case.

I'm glad to see we have so many new people posting. I hope they stay longer than just the summer.

Teresa - who after touring 16 gardens never wants to see another hosta again! At least for a week or so! lol

OK I'm done now

Not being professional writers (actually I guess some members might be), sometimes our written words take on a life of their own and get interpreted in ways we did not mean. Words seem harsh without the smile or gestures that might accompany them if they were spoken. The idea of forums is great but it takes NICE people to really make them work.

Gosh I hope I haven't inadvertently offended anyone - I try to live by ""If you haven't anything nice to say - say NOTHING""

:~) June

But, yes, it can hurt someones feelings.
Or when a simple question from a novice gets a response that only a science major can understand. Sometimes it's overwhelming. But if asked it can be educational.

And again, welcome, its great to have you here posting!

Donna

I do think that many don't use the value of the forum, which is the collective knowledge. I see to many subjects not vetted, few questions and answers leading to a clear understanding of what is said and meant.

Esample; I've planted more divisions than you can count by this method, put the spade in the ground and leaning it back creating a little slit in the ground then droping the division in and stepping on the ground closing the slit without paying any attention to the height of the crown or the position of the roots. Many would ignore this and others will say I’m crazy.
To me a proper question would be "really, are you serious."
Yes, I swear.
How many do you lose?
Never counted but very few, I don’t think more than one percent but I usually do it when there is ample ground moisture. If it turns off dry I water and that’s it.
How many times have you done this?
Maybe 1-200 times, really never counted, BTW this is exactly the way many commercial tree growers plant trees.
I think you are crazy.
Have you ever done it?

At this point there have been enough questions and answers for anyone to understand and act as they see fit. Guess I could have gotten upset when they called me crazy but I know that, just trying to survive with my ailment.

Like a kid proudly announcing that he stole 2nd base and having to drive all the way back to the ballpark to put it back.

Ps I’m just messing with ya!

Teresa

If you can't say something nice- DON'T say anything at all.
Please don't trash me in public then email me something nice.

K

Much of the commentary was abrasive at best, and downright rude and cruel at the worst. Going back through his posts and trying to find contradictions, and wanting to him to "eat crow" was especially offensive.

I think of gardeners as being laid back folk, and never mean. I don't frequent other forums nearly as often as this one, however I do read and post elsewhere occasionally. I haven't ever run into the kind of vitriol that pops up on this forum from time-to-time. It really needs to stop!

I hope Phil hasn't been offended so much that he will no longer be a part of our group. He has much to offer, and will be missed.

~Nancy (Bunnycat)

And poor, Phil! I hope he comes back!

I really think he HAS left. If you look at any of his posts, all of the links to his photobucket shots are gone. I think he cleaned house and left. "Poor Phil" is right...he got dumped on, didn't deserve it, tried to defend himself firmly but politely, until the abuse was just too much to take. He is... or was... one of the nicer guys on the forum.

Road rage, people yelling at cashiers and store clerks for no good reason (especially at teenagers), parents yelling at teachers and coaches, etc., etc., it goes on more and more all of the time. Very depressing.

I don't know, it IS sad! I wonder if the internet is for many people a platform for them to release their stress by saying things they'd never dare say to people if they were face to face. I almost sense that some people even take on personalities not normally their own, sort of alter-egos of sorts!
Oh well, I'm certainly not qualified to be a psychologist, by any means!

Maybe, I'm doing what my daughters accuse me of doing, making excuses for down-right bad behaviour. Maybe, there's no good excuse for it! And, I'm not speaking only to Phil/Hosta Freak's thread either. There's another 'Phil' who posted some time ago, and as I recall, he got trounced pretty badly in his case, as well!

Come on folks--lighten up--whereas we all LOVE hosta, people are far more important than plants! A plant can be easily replaced, (in most instances) but friendships can be easily lost for good!!!! It's just not worth it!!

Drink less coffee, perhaps???

P.S. So glad, to see you posting again, Meesh! Saw you on another thread, yesterday, and was glad to see it!!! :o)

Donna

Teresa

"You can't please all the folks, all the time!" Many of us have had to learn that hard lesson
ON A HOSTA FORUM, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD??? That was hard one for me,
I can tell you! I just couldn't believe what brought out the "icky" side of people so easily,
and it accomplished what they had secretly hoped, I bet, for SOME reason--it made me feel really awful, for awhile!
But then, we are not in 'THE' Garden, anymore--are we!! We all have our 'stuff' that is best left stuffed
inside, but unfortunately on the internet, people feel more free to let it fly, on occasion!

So, come *HERE* anytime you feel like 'talking' about stuff you might get trounced on
for saying on the 'other' side!!! :O)

I think, mostly, people don't mean for their responses to be cryptic, when they mention the 'search engine' or the FAQ--but, that's the problem with communication on the 'net'! It is devoid of voice and facial expression!! That's why many of us try to temper the sound or effect with the LOL and :o), just to be sure it is not taken harshly said!!

Glad you're posting with us on this side!!! And, thanks for taking the time to give us your view on some things others have felt offended in!!

And by the way, I have red clay and it was you I followed on how to plant the hostas....I don't amend the soil at all and they're growing like weeds. Thanks Phil for all of the advice and encouragement you've given to me in the past 2 years.

Donna

Dr. Victor Frankel, a Jewish physician, became a prisoner of the Nazis in the early 1940s. They took away all his personal things, shaved his head, then tortured him, and killed his family in his presence.

Dr. Frankel determined that whatever else they took from him, they could never take his choice of how he felt.

Butch; I seldom give anyone the power to effect how I feel, I further suggest that to do so puts me at the mercy of those who would attempt to hurt me. I seldom worry about another person’s underlying purpose and focus on the value in what they say.

I further attempt to listen empathetically for intent then intellectual content. I first look for humor, more valuable than plants to me then content and finally intent. If I find nothing of value in the last two I will still accept humor.

I feel and felt that Phil brought his feelings on his sleeves and took everything personally and told him so. For me, it was an act of kindness to speak "my" truth to him in love. This last part comes from my training as a "Stephen Minister", to do otherwise would not be "my" honest truth.

Bunnycat said on a recent post that she almost laughed but finally chose to take what I said as "cutting" and "mean-spirited". From my life experiences and faith I think it is sad when someone sees a choice of laughing and feeling cut by a mean-spirited remark chooses the later two.

Phil has chosen to only talk about hosta at a social gathering, this forum is a study for sociologist. One aspect of a society is the condition where someone starts to chase a rabbit then all the dogs start to chase the rabbit, that is what I felt was happening to Phil so I attempted a little humor and affirmed that it was his garden and he could do what he wanted and not to worry about it. Don’t know if I did that but that was my purpose.

I think, if we all take care of our own business, and quit trying to 'straighten' others out so much--less will be misunderstood! I suppose coming to a forum where advice is so freely available, we sometimes forget that unless advice is asked for, perhaps it shouldn't be given, and if we feel 'compelled' to give it, make sure it is done in such a way as to not make ourselves look so "elevated" and others so ignorant! Sometimes--that happens and in some cases, I know, that is not intentional, but in some cases I believe it definitely seems to be the intent!

Some people are just quite naturally more sensitive and we should be able to recognize that in folks that post here for awhile and then be careful to be sensitive and RESPECTFUL in our of handling them. Kindness is becoming a lost character quality and it's turning us into barbarians, in so many ways in our culture today!! Don't get me started!

Anyway, I think we all need to settle our 'feathers' down and keep on keeping on, and it wouldn't hurt for apologies to be offered where needed, either. I've yet to ever reject an apology, myself, (not that I think I need one BTW), when I sense it to be genuine!

Oh, and Phil--I also sent you an email very early today!!! What in the world is happening with that? I've never thought I had a problem sending folks emails? Have you received ANY from the GW site?

Stress does take it's toll on everyone, especially these days, it seems!