The IRS had decided to audit my Grandpa, and had summoned him to the IRS office. The auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney, and here's exactly what happened - as told by that very same attorney.

The auditor started the conference by saying, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you can explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'

'I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about I offer you a demonstration?'

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay, go ahead.'

Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can

bite my own eye.'

The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.

Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.'

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks. 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants. He strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk, adding machine - pencil cup filled .....

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.

'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning on the way over, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he

could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it.

Al