Return to the Iowa Gardening Forum
| Post a Follow-Up
Problem with neighbor picking
| | |
Posted by mbeaird6 iowa (My Page) on Wed, Sep 20, 06 at 18:21
| When I first moved into our house about 6 years ago. My neighbor asked us if I would mind if she picked enough raspberries for a bowl of cearal in the morning. Being that I have a 30ft patch I didn't think it would be a problem. But it has become more abtrusive every year. To the point she actually told me she made jelly?!! 2 years ago I gave her some starter plants so she would pick her own. But she continues to pick her own then mine. I finally decided to pick in the morning because she is a stay at home mom and picks while I am at work. One morning when I was out there she came out and state she has been worried about me??!! because she hasn't seen me picking raspberries. I said that everytime I come out to pick they have already been picked. Then I told her that I am trying to make jelly, jam, and wine this year and I needed as many as I could get. But yet she is continuing to pick. I even have marked my property pins and she is still picking. I don't want to be a b**** but they are my raspberries and when I cannot get enough to pick to make jam and jelly for me and my family that makes me mad. One night when I got home from work I went out to water my plants in baskets and she was out there picking again she immediately turned then thinking I was not going to see it set her bowl of raspberries that she picked down on her kids' picnic table and acted like she was watching her daughter swing then when I turned away she took them inside. So, she knows I don't want her picking anymore she is just being sneaky. I even saw her & her husband and another couple out there picking!!! My husband said write her a note that you are not sharing the raspberries next year. Other people are saying put up a sign in the raspberries no picking or no trespassing. You just have to know this women I believe she gets bored and starts messing with my stuff. she thought she would so call weed between my daylillies well what she was weeding was my asciatic lilies!!! The raspberries are the border unless I move them which would take a lot of time. I am not sure what else to do!! Advice would be greatly appreciated. |
Follow-Up Postings:
RE: Problem with neighbor picking
| | |
| Plant more raspberries on the other side of your yard. If you don't want to do that you're going to have to talk to your neighbor. But you need to ask yourself, is it worth the hassle of having a rift with the neighbor? You could always put up a fence. Diann |
RE: Problem with neighbor picking
| | |
| Three cliches' come to my mind about your berry problem. 1. "What we have here ... is a failure to communicate"
2. "You are in a lose - lose situation"
3. "Never get mad ... just get even" Now...if it were me and I had a neighbor of 6 years who was poaching my berry crop ... I'd tell her face to face... "stop picking my berries and stay out of my flower beds!" It's obivious, she is greedy and not going to take the hint. However, if such a confontation is going to cause a bigger problem with the neighbor. Then just let it go and convince yourself that it's better to give than receive. Either way you lose. Altho...from reading your post I'd have to say that your berry poacher is not such a great neighbor right now...so kicking her out of your berry patch might not be a loss to you. To use the "get even" approach... you call a landscaper and tear out the berry patch. |
RE: Problem with neighbor picking
| | |
| I know that situations with neighbors can be difficult. I think the best answer is to be honest and say "I didn't (past tense) mind sharing my raspberries with you, but now I don't have enough for my own uses. I think it would be better if you had your own plants. I will go with you to the nursery to help you pick out some good plants to buy." -Pam
|
RE: Problem with neighbor picking
| | |
| You have already given her starter plants of her own. She knows you do not want her to pick your berries. You don't want her in your flower beds. If she is on your property without your permission it is trespassing. What she is doing is stealing. What's next? Will she help herself to other items of yours while you are at work? As unpleasant as it is you must confront her. Be polite but firm that she is NOT to pick your berries and she is to stay out of your flower beds. You don't have to be nasty about it. Post a no trespassing sign. Send her a certified letter, return receipt requested (that way you know she got it) stating that she must respect your property rights. Reference in your letter your prior conversation(s) that she is no longer welcome to your berries. Keep a copy of the letter for your own records. Maybe this will be a wake-up call to her that her behavior is not acceptable. Send her a bill for the berries. Keep a copy. If she persists in stealing from you tell her you will be forced to take legal action. Its unpleasant but, obviously, she has no respect for you or your property. Is she really any kind of neighbor anyway? Maria |
RE: Problem with neighbor picking
| | |
| Thanks for everyones advice. I know if I don't talk with her I will get more upset every year. The problem with the fence is my berries are on the property line and would have to be moved in Which would be a lot of work. But if problem persist will have to move them in anyway to deter her from picking them. Anyway I appreciate everyones advice! |
RE: Problem with neighbor picking
| | |
| You have the problem; she doesn't, but she can be the solution. We can't control other people; they have to control themselves. Talk to her about it when the berries aren't ripe so it isn't an immediate problem. That will help defuse your anger and allow you to be polite. Stick to the facts. If you see someone picking your berries after you ask them to stop, tell her who it was and when it was, and what you observed. Approach it as your problem, and you need some help to resolve it. Describe it like Pam suggests - 'in the past … but now" and ask her to stop picking the berries unless she is invited to do so. Speak politely to her about it as often as you see her or her friends or family picking them. In doing this, you let her know that it's important, and that you are serious about it. Remember that they are your berries, but you still have to live next door to each other. Believe that you will prevail. |
RE: Problem with neighbor picking
| | |
| I agree you must talk to her. I would approach the problem this way. Be firm with her, tell her you do not want anyone in your berry patch and if she wants a box now and then, you will pick them for her. If she continues, put up an electric fence. |
RE: Problem with neighbor picking
| | |
| You gave her the right of passage its unfortunate she is taking advantage be honest and put up a sign that says chemically treated do not pick.Ha Ha Good Luck. |
RE: Problem with neighbor picking
| | |
| laughing. I suspect all the preceeding advice was from females...not knocking it but most was so 'gentle' and somewhat indirect. You can be polite but firm...that's all that's called for. Tell her that you want your berries for your purposes. Tell her not to pick more of yours. If you want...offer to go with her to a store to find the best variety to plant but you now want your berries left alone. Explain the same about the garden. It aggravates you to come home from work and you find that flowers are missing. If she gets huffy...so what? She's obnoxious and pushy. That's how she gets what she wants. You'll need to be clear and consistent if you want your way. Being indirect won't solve your problem...she isn't atuned to thinking that way and doesn't understand it. |
RE: Problem with neighbor picking
| | |
| You can be firm without being rude. (As you would with an ill-mannered child.) And you don't have to be apologetic. She's the one who should apologize. "Hello, Mrs. _______. We're not going to be sharing our raspberries with you anymore, and we'd prefer to do our own garden maintenance. I'm sure you understand." Then smile warmly and stand there until she responds. This is important. DO NOT walk away. Make sure she's the first one to walk away. It may be hard, but it sends the message that you know you're in the right. If you have a dog, bring him/her with you for moral support. If not, bring some sort of prop (the family Bible, your latest needlework project, whatever) to bolster your self-confidence. Role-playing several times first with a family member can also help a lot. Good luck, and remember that SHE'S the one who crossed the line. Calypso |
RE: Problem with neighbor picking
| | |
| Print this message along with all of the responses and give it to her. Ask her which of the choices she'd like you to do. |
RE: Problem with neighbor picking
| | |
| I like the "Approach it as your problem" scenario. But tell her you have not given permission to anyone to pick your berries, not even her for the last few years. Yet someone continues to steal them. Be sure to use the word "steal" as she seems to think they are hers already. Ask her what she thinks you should do. Maybe even lay out some options if she has no answer: Should you confront the person, call the police, bring him/her to court . . . Maybe just taking a few photographs of her picking your berries would break the habit. Is she smart enough to realize they could be evidence in court? Not that you would actually do that, but maybe that would be all you would need to get her to finally understand you mean business. |
RE: Problem with neighbor picking
| | |
RE: Problem with neighbor picking
| | |
| Good fences make good neighbors. If you've used the raspberries as a border between your property and hers, she *may* have the right to pick the ones that hang over her property. Is the cost of a fence greater than the cost you would pay to u-pick raspberries (in the same quantity) over the course of 10 years? Could you put a net over the raspberries this year? 1" net would keep the birds out and the berries in.... |
RE: Problem with neighbor picking
| | |
Tell her to please ask before picking your raspberries. Tell her that you know that you often have more then you can use, but it's annoying to go out to pice YOUR berries and find that there are none left.
Tell her she is more than welcome to all the extra raspberries you have, but please make arrangements before she picks.
She should not pick without permission....permission every time she picks!
Linda C |
RE: Problem with neighbor picking
| | |
| Play on her guilt, which is obvious from her behavior. How about a VERY CONSPICTUOUS webcam aimed at the berries--even one that't not in working order. |
RE: Problem with neighbor picking
| | |
| We sold fake video cameras at Home Depot. Not sure if they are still around. But the point is, they are available. Seems to me they were about $15-20. |
RE: Problem with neighbor picking
| | |
| I'm curious...I see the original post was Sept 06.Have you approached the problem? If so, how has it turned out? |
|
|
|
|
