As part of our recent graduation ceremony we had a bit about funny MG phone calls. While most people thought it would be about funny problems called in to the MG phoneline, it turned out to be mainly funny MG notes about the calls.

The wording is straight off our contact sheets, verbatim. Switch off the MG correct-this-as-I-read part of your brain and take them at face value. Enjoy.

There are several categories:

1. "Punctuation Is Important"

a. Repeat Caller w/ same bird problem. MG wrote- "quaileating petunias" and "what else can she feed them?"

MG response: "Distract them with some other type of food"


Like what, Chihuahuas?

2. " Ooooo,Ouch!"

a. Caller-has a row of trees that's been "abused", wants to know what to do and when to start watering them, these trees were the closest ones to the house when it exploded."

MG response: "Cut off burning limbs and water"

And stay out of the way of the fire department!

3. "Would You Repeat That Please?"

a. Caller- wants to know what kind of seed to plant to grow chickens... or hens.

Hmmm, how about bird seed?

4. "Don't Forget The Details"

a. MG- "had a little last year but really took off after gone for a month...and came back...very quickly this year...within a month went from green to brown....5 trees...2 dramatically affected....2 suspected...one looking good and one across driveway. Written at bottom "Please follow up on this".

The ... are in the original and follow up on what?

b. MG- under Request/Problem-"happens every year in her yard", under Client Name-" my neighbor" with no other details, Date-not filled in but at the bottom of the Contact Sheet-"please call her back on this". Best part- Completed By- no name!

Ummmm, sure.

5. "Probably Didn't Do Real Well in Biology Class"

a. Female caller wanting to know -" if she should water her nuts". MG response-"only if it's really necessary".

b. Male caller: wants to know if he can fertilize a fig tree himself, his wife say he can't but he's willing to try. MG- "Yes you can, but not now."

Presumably there were children present or perhaps the neighbors complained.

6. "Eeeeewwww"

a. Caller- Request/Problem-rats nest. Response- caller was advised about the proper disposal of the nest, safety concerns as well as removing the sofa from the building.

Guess where the nest is!

Perhaps we should introduce the caller with the quaileating petunias to this gentleman!