Thanks Ruthie!! Yes, I am an old southern girl and I grew up with a mother who did lots of canning, but my job was to wash the veggies and once I was done with that, I scampered outside as fast as I could!!! LOL!!! I wish now I had payed more attention!!! But I intend to pay alot of attention here and know with ya'lls help, I will learn alot!!! I am so glad I listened to Ruthie and finally made my way over here!!!

hello fellow newbie i am also new here i just discovered this forum through shear dumb luck i have never been too much of an internet person really but have been eating super spicy foods since i was a kid and am addicted to chile peppers this is my first year growing chile peppers and i have some in the ground and some in pots, most i bought as seedlings from nurseries mostly boring stuff, jalapeno anaheim cayenne banana pimento, but i also have started habaneros tobascos thai fresno a bhut jolokia and a medusa from seeds i started this year w/ 18 and now im up to 67 a little ambitious for my first year probably, but as most of u here know chiles are an obsession. to all out there that post thanks for all the tips and advice i have enjoyed reading ur posts

Hi Kmttsmom, Thank you for being kind. I'm really not trying to get a reaction or hurt anyone and I think I've stated it over and over, but it bears repeating. :) I'm hurt too, and confused at how my estrangement got to the point it did. Years and years of misunderstanding, letting things go when they really should have been talked out then, not feeling like I could say anything because it would be taken the wrong way. So I'm just trying to understand it from a mother's point of view. And it seems like a lot of mothers are defensive (that's ok, they have a right to be, but then they take it as I'm attacking) and words like "spoiled brat" come into the picture. I'm not, nor was I ever, a spoiled brat. I was raised one of the least spoiled people you would ever meet. No electricity, no television, catchment water, no neighbors. No Christmas tree, very few presents for my birthday. My mother never bought me a car, paid for insurance, college, rent, bills, etc. I had to give away my toys to more needy kids time and again. We recycled everything. I moved out at 14 to live with my dad because of her emotional abuse, and I lived pretty much on my own because he had to work 150 miles away and would be gone for days at a time. I walked to school a few miles away and walked home, did my homework, made myself dinner, and went to bed. And I forgave her in high school. I was able to put it all behind me and move forward. And I included her in my daughter's birth. And when she needed a place to live, I let her move in with me. And then I realized she was an energy vampire. She literally sucked me dry, blamed me for everything, took my friends and started to turn my daughter against me. And she walked all over me. Time and again. So, my defenses go up too, when mothers just say that kids just need to respect their parents, and "get over it". It's a very emotionally charged situation. I didn't come on here for support, I came on here to learn what others think. So I think part of the conflict is our approach to what we expect from this board. I'm shocked at being told to go away, that my opinion is not wanted or needed or valued because I don't agree and I'm asking questions. It seems it's either one way or the highway. And when I apply this to what women here are saying about their damaged relationships the correlation seems too blatant to ignore. I don't think anyone here is a "Bad Mother". The fact that people are even talking about it indicates that they are truly trying to be good people. I'm sure everyone on here has their good and bad moments, and it can be hard to judge emotion when it's in writing, without any facial gestures or other non-verbal clues. I guess this isn't the place for me to be asking my questions because it is seen as an attack, and I felt just terrible the past few days, because I feel bad that people are taking my words that way, and now I feel attacked too. Thank you again, for your very clear, from the heart post. I do wish you the best in your situation. No one should have to feel like this. ~Silver

Sounds like a few possibilities- if daughter/grandkids moved in recently there must be no father on a continual basis. The boy may not understand that your house is no longer 'his' home. He may have witnessed/lived with a defiant/violent/drunk male in the past where this type of behavior is all he saw. Monkey See- Monkey Do. He may be ADHD. ADD. Fetal Alcohol Sydrome Disorder child. - 91-94% of ADHD/AUTISM is later diagnosed at early school age or adolescent age as FASD. ... It IS his mother who needs to set boundaries. Grandma already raised her kids- it is not her responsibility. Is the mother an alcoholic? Drugs? Physically or mentally abused and does not have the capacity herself to guide her children. You may not know these answers yet but dig. Ask grandma over or out for a hamburger. Discuss your worries with her and she may shed some light on the situation. Or not... It is not the child's fault, as much as it puts stress on you. Be proactive- lock your garage door. Lock your home doors. Ask a legal person if YOU may put a lock on the gate. Look at your County Clerk office tax assessment/file to see who legally put up the fence- you may be surprised to find out it is really your fence. Talk to your insurance company- they will have suggestions about how you can cover yourself. Most of these things are private and the neighbor's will not know of you trying to figure out the situation. Sometimes it DOES take a village to raise a child- especially a mentally affected child. I am blessed- I too have a connecting yard because two sisters and their husbands lived side by side. Then they were widows. I was able to know/visit the sister that previously owned my house for a year, before her death a few months ago at 100 years old... Her sister is my neighbor at 90, who is a wonderful woman. Don't dispair- there is a reason you are there. Figure out why as exhausting as it is right now. Chin up!