For your perusal. Enjoy!

I hate being impatient. They should have rehab centers for impatient people, like me. These would be places where we can get away from annoying things of every day life while learning to meditate and intentionally slow the heart rate down. And the rehab should include gradual reentry into normal life concentrating on volatile reactions to irritants and emotional stimulants one issue at a time. For now, my meditation is always interrupted with "My tummy's growling."

Impatience causes me to miss important things in life like the day I bought my first vegetable seedling with my 6-yo daughter in tow. We began the journey in the produce department of WM where I picked up some garlic and onions and looked over everything lest I forget to fill a missing item in my kitchen. Then we shoved our way through the cereal aisle with me stopping and viewing everything that caught my eye with no care in the world about time. Finally we rolled over to the garden section where I greedily eye-balled all the growies.

First, when we passed through the produce section, Little Miss became unusually focused on the grapes. Her behavior was unusual, but my own thoughts were far more important. And she was stalling my agenda. She mumbled something, but my mind was far away.

Then, In the cereal aisle she doubled back unexpectedly and disappeared from my view. This startled me and brought up my underlying terror someone is going to run off with my beautiful child. If they tried, I wouldn't be able to stop them nor be quick enough to embrace her from harm. Apparently, she had picked up a grape from the produce section. While we were in the cereal aisle she had dropped it on the floor where it rolled beneath the gondola. I waited impatiently with that underlying fear welling up inside of me turning to anger while also horrified that my child was sticking her arm in a dark unknown place. It wasn't her odd behaviour that was making me angry, but my insecurity from not being able to keep her safe. Now, she was on all fours reaching her tiny arm underneath the lower shelf searching for the grape. Just forget the thing and let us go. I thought to myself. She retrieved the grape. Without hesitation, I snapped at her to make double time so we could be on our way only to find myself impulsively looking over everything that caught my eye.

The growie section really caught my attention. We had arrived. This would have been a perfect time for a stranger to attempt to take my child as greed clouded my mind and I became totally self-absorbed. I dreamed about placing all those beautiful plants and flowers into my garden. All that day-dreaming drowned my insecurities and made me feel better. I knew nothing of the care of any of those particular plants, I just wanted them all. I was there for my first cauliflower seedling, but it felt good to stop and look at everything and imagine where I would plant them. Those good feelings were constantly interrupted when Little Miss tried placing her grape down on various shelves only to watch it roll off, almost out of reach. She would fumble for the grape between the cacti as it rolled away, off the shelf and onto the concrete floor behind the display. I really couldn't understand her frustration over that grape. Her frustration elevated my own. At one point she cried, but when she was able to retrieve that stupid grape she relaxed. I relaxed. This whole grape thing was driving me batty! I prided myself on remaining practical without realizing my wasted time day-dreaming and picked up a single cauliflower seedling.

With the final shopping task out of the way, we ventured to the checkout stand and waited for our turn. Stepping up to the check out I noticed Little Miss to my left placing that stupid grape atop the stainless steal counter.

"Honey. It's okay. We don't need to pay for that grape. You can eat it. They're unable to measure it and they adjust their inventory costs.. cleared my throat ... they won't mind. Go ahead and eat it."

I immediately turned my attention away from her eye-balling the precious cauliflower seedling. If she responded, I wasn't aware. Why hasn't she eaten that grape? I rifled through my purse for payment. The g-dd grape! What's up with the grape? Why do kids do this stupid stuff? I stifled my resentment, snapped at her to retrieve the grape and paid for my items in a huff. We hurried to the truck. I lovingly placed the cauliflower seedling where it would not get hurt as if it were the most important thing in the world. After all, it was my first vegetable seedling purchase! Little miss fumbled with the seatbelt because of the grape in her hand.

"Honey. Why don't you just eat that grape!?"

"Oh.. it's for my brother. I'm saving it for him so he can eat it when we get home."

I felt like a royal piece of fecal matter. Not just a regular 'ol turd floating in a toilet bowl of chlorinated water waiting to be flushed. No. I felt like a pile of fecal matter lovingly dumped by a great Pyrenees in the middle of a busy sidewalk in full view where everyone cusses my rancid odor they try to avoid me and no one is willing to clean me up. She had cried at the thought of missing the goal of her selfless agenda and I was irritated at her overreactions. She persevered to retrieve it from beneath the gondola shelf because she was thinking of someone else's pleasure while I was indignantly impatient. She was terrified it would roll behind the cacti display and out of reach and all I could think about was myself. She had a goal. Furthermore, her multiple attempts to set the grape down was to avoid bruising the grape while I was mostly irritated at this behavior. She's the type of child that cannot stand still. This was a major feat. She knew that setting it down would decrease the odds of her destroying it. Despite my best efforts at making it more difficult, she succeeded.

When we arrived home, I knew what to expect. He doesn't like grapes. She offered the grape to her brother and he waved it off without even the slightest eye contact. My anger and impatience was justified, "SON!!! YOU EAT THAT GRAPE BECAUSE YOUR SISTER WENT THROUGH HADES TO SAVE IT FOR YOU." And he did.

The cauliflower seedling grew well but never flowered. I ended up shoving it carelessly in the garden. It sprouted leaves continually and, presently, has sprouted its last for the season. All spring and summer, that cauliflower reminded me that I am just a turd on a sidewalk. I would show the cauliflower to the kids and retell the story of that day and how Little Miss selflessly endured for the sake of her brother. I will miss it when it dies. I didn't get to eat from it, but it was probably the most important vegetable in my 2014 garden.

Blessings

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