hmmm, what do jeff and steven king have in common? PUULLEEEASE don't tempt me!

The valiant trio and their frendly sheep woke up from that joint nightmare, wiped the sweat from their heads, shook hands, kissed the sheep, and made up again.
All the misconceptions and bickering from the past few weeks were put aside and it was agreed the mission came first above all.

The flying junk, now loaded with beer, wieners and strudel [with Jimmy steering and now donning a brightly polished, brass, postmasters helmet], lifted eagerly into the air bound for the Swiss alps.

A few hours past. "We will land right there in the Canton of Lucerne", said Jimmy.
On hearing the word "Canton" the Chinese crew, all 24 of them, packed their bags and jumped over board thinking they were back home again in China, very glad to be away from these three lunatics who had commandeered their vessel.

The junk set down on the still, placid, calm, un-rippling surface of Lake Lucerne. "We will row from here on in", said Jimmy.
So with our three paddle-heads rowing, the sheep at the tiller, the flying junk now moved slowly and silently, not making any noise, across the lake toward the hideout of the evil Doctor Knoodleburger-Hanzoop, Bad Person and Acupuncturist.

On reaching the vaulted entrance to the sinister looking castle,they rang the door bell..... the door swung open.....and there stood........

wait,...the damp thick fog suddenly encompassed the castle, blocking all view of the door and it's occupant,-so the tired and very abused trio,(including the sheep), waited anxiously to see what would happen next, when an unusual humming was heared from overhead...

It was the evil Dr. K-H's assistant, who had answered the door, but could see nothing for the fog. He now went to an upper floor window above the fog to try to see who could be disturbing him and his evil master's doings. Being he was afraid of heights, he began humming the song, "I'm so Dizzy" as he approached the 5th floor, which drifted down thru the fog to the ears of the still patiently waiting, soon to be guests of evil, below...

.... this was the Ladies and Children's department and to the left of the escalator was Housewares and Anti-tank gun sales.
In the basement was the Ice Cream Parlour, Stables and Ostrich Farm.
It was so busy this afternoon in all departments, torture, acupuncture and eye-lid tattooing, were booked solid. The whole sinister [but fun place to be] castle, was busy with people milling around everywhere.

The people milling about, were of course millers, who's job it was to mill the corn, that made the flour, that made the dough, that made the bread ...........

that was made in , -you got it,- the house that Jack built. Jack lived not far from the castle, and all the folks from the castle, except for evil Dr K-H's assistent, this was because he was notorious for having the worlds worst breath and refused to use listerine, because he heared it causes cancer. Therefore those persons milling about with the sweet breath didn't want to get withen ten feet of him. Eventually...

....the ogre with the awful oral odour, came down stairs to see who was at the castle door?
"Yes,: he said exhaling a large blast of garlic and anchovy breath, "who are you lovely people".
Which knocked our adventurers right on their keesters, out like a light!
What will happen to our unconscious group, will they be playthings or pin cushions, for Dr Koodleburger-Hanzoop, Bad Person and Acupuncturist?
A dreadfully wicked laugh was heard from behind the ogre or was it from the ogre's behind?
Standing there grinning was...............

I DO NOT look like Steven King.
(that was my brother)

you guys!!! :)

Jeff, I just thought I would throw that in, I know you got a good sense of humor! You do don't ya? :) Arum

i don't know, jeff. you do have a green thumb and good old steven turned into a plant after sticking his finger in a meteorite...you do like science fiction and astronomy....

don't happen to have a pair of overalls, do ya? :)

Yeah, I've even got the overalls, but I have more sense than to get "meteor sh**" on my fingers and turn green and fuzzy all over, even in a movie, lol.

But I really don't mind the comparison... Steven's got it goin' on, huh? :)

he's a master!

...and a KING! Unbelievable imagination. But, I can't watch some of his movies before bedtime. (((((shiver)))))

Jeff, I was beginning to think you forgot how very well liked you are among the forum members. :)

I think I just got whiplash.

How does one remove vomit from the keyboard?

What? I must be in the dark here. Is it what I said?

sandy, lol! i picture you doing the tennis match thing with your head.

FTM. Right now all I want to do is avoid becoming one with the ball.
Poo, it's one of those things that is read between the lines and still doesn't make sense unless you have the secret code ring from the original participants, most of whom have departed the tennis court with the score tied, declaring the umpire is blind.
Sandy

Horton - very carefully? :D

As long as the score isn't something-love, I'll continue to watch. :p

Brenda

I can only gather it's from past disagreements, so here is where I will leave this. That's what I get for asking!!!

sandy, is it the steven king - jeff comparison that has you confused? if so, i can explain. if not, just in case, i won't write it here unless you ask :)

Thank you, FTM. It was not the comparison that has had me holding my breath. After the first decade there was a volley of backhand returns and drop shots that began my facinated observation. The choosing of doubles partners was a possibility but the game is now grudgeingly settled into singles play. The score has mounted slowly with the backstory revealed but briefly and with subtle agression. The contenders have been using a dark horse but that one has been eliminated and the strategy is now beginning to reveal itself to those who have been following the game at a much faster pace. Thus my whiplash and fascination of long submerged issues roiling to the surface once again. Henry the Eighth was a brutal tennis player who used it as a political tool. I think I should read some more about his influence on the game and think about how Machiavelli would play it so that so many players are unaware of the 2nd game being played.

LOL!!! Oh, Sandy, you hit the nail on the head! Er, you hit the ball on the racket? Something like that. :D

Brenda

what a metaphor! very insightful. i think i wil go back and reread.

Anyone watched the movie War Games starring Matthew Broderick?

strange game, the only way to win is not to play>

Azurebluet, that is often the best way to win. However being a spectator can be very (pick one) entertaining, educational, informative, satisfying, revealing, dangerous, sneaky, manipulative... The ones that make me nervous are the ones who say 'lets you and him fight'. Sometimes the only way to derail a situation is to draw attention to it before it goes too far. Absurdity has its uses beyond laughter. Sandy

Hey Brenda, I think the correct terminology would be I hit a successful lob shot. Sandy

Game, set, and match!

Brenda

On with CHAPTER II of the story...

'Twas the week before Turkey Day, when all through the forum, not a creature was stirring, except for...

that poor chap, nessie, who got lost in the shuffle :(
where is he now? has he been reunited with his love?....(days of our lives music)...

oh no, not lost in the shuffle,- but finding himself in the Baltimore Innerharbor with a lot of floating refuse. Trying hard to stay down himself,( he had fallen asleep with his mouth open and unfortunately swallowed a host of empty pepsi bottles, in which the caps had been put back on, thus acting as floating devices),he paddled wildly turning in circles, when to his surprise, not to mention utter amazement...

"BUUUURRUP"...one of the lids must have opened and, leaking some carbonation, up came the rest with that stupendous release. saved! nessie was. after all, it wasn't just a swallowed spider.

and who is this he sees in the distance?

but FTM out for an evening swim! As Nessie neared the part human part cold-blooded vertebrate, she sensed a common spirit,( meaning they were kindred spirits)and who would have thunk it, but even had some of the same interest? Lets leave this "city that reads" hollored FTM, and off they were to Alaska, where no one reads, because their too busy listening to their teeth chatter...

..."i have always wanted to see alaska," ftm proclaims. "perhaps we can befriend an orca pod. after all, they are black and white and they love to swim!"

Once ftm and Nessie arrived in Alaska, it felt warm and...no, wait...just down right HOT! As they checked their compass, they realized it was not working. Suddenly a thought hit Nessie and ftm at the exact same time (after all, they were kindred spirits.) They realized they had mistakenly traveled to Africa, not Alaska! "Sheesh Nessie", complained ftm, "We shuda gotten a hint something was wrong after we'd been swimming for days!"
"Hey, do I know you?", asked a voice from across the brush. As Nessie and ftm turned in unison to check out the somewhat familiar voice, they saw it was...

King Kong!!! Unknown to the sweating duo,a movie was in the making, and their furry haired friend,(being the star), was looking for a couple good actors. "Can you be the dame that I fall for", ask the great Kong. Of course FTM exclaimed, I've always wanted to act. Who's acting exclaimed the giant monkey, I think you're aweful cute. At this point Nessie, being with FTM so long, let out an awful howl- Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, she screamed, FTM is MY friend and we're also fellow travelers! Just WHO do you think you are? Sadly a huge rangle evoked, leaving the serpent and ape quite exausted, when over head ...

a giant pterodactyl came swooping down, reminiscent of a king kong version of godzilla! "i have always wanted to fly a helicopter," thought ftm..."this could be fun!" waiting for the opportune moment, ftm leaps for the giant raptor/dinosaur's back. unfortunately, she never had much grace, missed her mark, and the pterodactyl's claw caught her in her tutu. there she was hanging in the air being flooped around when...

the huge ape gently caught her in his humungous hand. Then to ftm's surprise and may I include delight, the hairy, love struck gerilla began to blow on her. Not sure what to do, she leans back and ...

"ooh, minty fresh breath!" she exclaimed. "you should do commercials." pleading with nessie and king kong to make up and be friends, ftm reasoned with the squabbling pair (quietly gleaming in the attention). "nessie, you will always be my dear swimming partner, and since you are so sensitive to the sun kk can keep me company whilst i de-raisinet. what do you say we head for hollywood? oooh, we might meet a friendly pod of california orcas to keep you company, nessie." off they went into the west, with king kong staying afloat on nessie's dorsal surfaces. unfortunately, king kong became seasick with the undulating motion....perhaps there is an island somewhere to find rest?

However in the mean time, Nessie turned to FTM and ask," FTM, what is this fasination with orcas"? Not realizing how far they had swam,it seems that Nessie would never find out FTM's answer, for out of no where a block of ice slammed into her wee head and she was knocked completely unconscious! Well where the ^**((&^^% did that come from bellowed KK, after all this is California? Nessie,( with tears in her eyes),( but KK couldn't tell because there was so much water around already), meekly answered," well since I was in the lead, I forgot to tell you that I don't know the way to California", and I have a bad habit of only swimming North!" "Well we're NEVER going to get out of this blasted water",KK retorted, and now we have'ft to drag this FTM along with us!" "That's not what I'm afraid of squeaked Nessie, I'm afraid this stupid story is never going to end, because of those frootloops on the GW!" "Awe SHUT UP",screamed KK, "if it wasn't for the "Pond Forum", you wouldn't even exist!!!!!!" As soon as those words left his garganchewuin,(sp), mouth,Nessie in her worst fury grabbed him around the ------------------, (I mean neck), and they were at it once again! As the two giant beast wrangled, FTM slowly drifted with the tide, farther and farther away...

Until she bumped her head (once again) on a really tanned and cool lookin' surfer dude. This got her attention! Pretending to still be unconscious, so the Cali dude, might give her mouth to mouth, she closed her eyes and floated as limp and lifeless as possible. Immediately, he knew what to do. As her newly found heart throb learned down to press his lips to hers, ftm's tutu flipped up and...

HORRORS! ftm's unshorn legs, as jeff so nicely described it once, were revealed! after all, the sea water had deteriorated her fushia colored leggings...giving ftm a very cinderella-ish appearance. "DUDE!" exclaimed the surfer, his sunbleached hair and white teeth blinding ftm with their brilliance. "pardon me,sir. but I am a dudette. thank you very much!" ftm feigned annoyance to buy time to cover up with her tutu. perhaps her legs weren't noticed? suddenly, ftm realized her friends were not in sight. well, guess she can't claim king kong shed fur became stuck to her. suddenly, ftm realized there are ponders in california...she turning to the surfer, "excuse me sir, are those sea lions i hear? surely, if there are sea lions here, brenda must not be too far away. do you know where i may find her?" still dazzling in the sun but not to dazzling on brains, the surfer remarks, "DUDE! i don't know. who is brenda?" now, ftm is inflamed, "i SAID i am not a dude! obviously there is a lot of coast line in california and i will just have to start walking." on that note, ftm stomps off, as best she can anyway or as best anyone can, in the sand....

SAND? Surfer DUDES? Yes, she was in Calafornia,(the best of two worlds) where on one side you have the beach, on the other the mountains! FTM trudged on looking for brenda,(who ever that is)and unbeknownst to her, her friends had in the mean time found land, and obtained a boat, in an effort to find her floating dead water sogged body. Completely unaware that she was heathy as a horse they fought wave after wave, storm after storm in their efforts, because they were truely loyal. Anyway,only they knew that she held a secret key in her pocket that unlocked a chest that nessie had been guarding for 9000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000.00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 years. Nessie was quite old. Inside the box was something truely wonderful which will only be devulged by someone else in this silly story. As the 2 friends neared the land of C. FTM spotted them immediately, and was overcome with joy! She whoopped so loud and long that she completely lost her voice and could only stand on the beach with the tears running down her sweet face. Oh what gladness at such a reunion!!! Just as she was about to catch her breath after the second whoop, a large ------- snaked out of the water and wrapped it's suckered appendage around her leg...

"Oh, my GAWD! It's like, you know, FTM, with like, you know, like, an appendage wrapped around her, like....ummm, where was I? Totally narly, dudette! To the max, you know? FTM, have you met, like, Arnold, you know, like, the Govenator? Bring your friend Nessie, too! Oh, and like, welcome to Cali, babes!"

Caffeinated Brenda skips off (ok, sand is difficult to skip in, so....Brenda stumbles off...) as FTM and Nessie stare, open-mouthed, at each other....

FTM stood dumbfounded but smiled...she was in desperate need of some humor....but the timewarp of valleygirl was too much for her and thus she fainted straight away....poor thing hit her head yet again! well, at least it was sand....but wait! that didn't quite feel like sand...

But it did feel familiar and Sandy...ya know, the surfer dude, his name was Sandy! "Ah, gee Sandy" ftm said with a silly grin, when she focused on his ripped, lotioned body laying on the sand. She tried to form words, but between the bump on those steel abs, and delirium from so much swimming and serching for Brenda, all that came out was, "I, I..."
then Sandy said, in his smooth, layed back voice, "Dudette, I know that one". Then quick as a whip, he pulled out his guitar and started singing, "Aye, yiye, yiye, yiye, I am the beach bandido..."

At that very moment Brenda,(youreit), floated onto the beach on a rubber whale. "Well FTM", she practically screamed," I been searching all over for ya!" And WHO is this? "Oh Brenda, I'm so glad to see you", FTM blurted out,while spitting some sand out of her mouth! We need to get outta here and find my friends Kong and Nessie! This guy's on his own...

... on his own, always on the beach, he needs to get a life! And I can't stand the sand and salty water anymore! I need a pond to sit next to! And Nessie and KK have been in the ocean for too long also! They got all wrinkly! We got to get them on dry land! And then, to Hollywood!"
While ftm tried to catch her breath after all the exclamation marks, Brenda thought for a moment, and then went and caught a ...

...and caught a wave...well, tried to catch a wave, really, because she didn't realize they were so hard to wrassle. She tried screaming, "Hang TEN, DUDE!", but that only served to frighten the non-natives further.

FTM (and her side-kick Nessie) finally just...

walked down the beach road a ways, picked a strategic spot, and stuck up their thumb at the passing cars, hoping for a ride south. Unfortunately, ...