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katgardener

May I vent?

katgardener
9 years ago

My (non-gardening) husband is rebuilding our back fence together with our (in my opinion obnoxious) neighbor behind us. In the process, my husband managed to let a 4'x4' fence post fall into my biggest and happiest sand cherry, tearing off one of the branches and leaving a 2-inch scar. My husband is sincerely sorry, but ugghhh!!!

Thanks

Comments (12)

  • ZachS. z5 Platteville, Colorado
    9 years ago

    At least your getting a nice new fence out of the deal! Sorry about your shrubbery though, you have to be patient with us husbands some (read: "most") of the time ;)

  • catnohat
    9 years ago

    I would like to get in on this. I have recently started to plant a row of bushes along the chain link fence between my yard and the neighbors weed field of a front yard. My husband has been informed of this a couple times. He mowed and weed whacked while I was gone this morning. Things were definitely overgrown...so he hacked it ALL down. This included 4 "wild" rose babies, a honeysuckle bush baby, and a lilac baby. He was especially brutal to the lilac. It was 10 inches tall with about 6 strong starts. They are about 4 inches tall now and shredded. I guess I'll go trim them up and hope they bush out! Okay, I'm done now.

    It must be noted that he also did the dishes and vacuumed the living room. So I won't even mention it!

  • bob_in_colorado
    9 years ago

    A lady gripes about her husband leaving dishes around, strewn dirty clothes, clutter and magazines, non-changed toilet paper rolls, etc.

    Suddenly, the man dies. Weeks after, the husband gone, everything is neat and in its place. The woman sobs and cries... She'd give anything to have a pile of his dirty clothes around.

    IMHO, don't sweat the small stuff. A damaged plant or 2 one year out of many, not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. :-)

  • ion_source_guy
    9 years ago

    When we choose our life mate, our gaze focuses on all the strengths and attractive attributes of our new lover. Some might say we are blinded by love.

    When the fresh bloom of mariage is gone and forgotten, even if love remains, the pendulum swings just as far the other way. Every minor infraction or inexplicable quirk or bad habit takes center stage and stands in the spotlight. An accidental pruning of hidden shrubs or broken branch is not easily forgiven, even when the intent was to please us.

    Why?

    Which view is truly more accurate?

    I think the first. But I don't think we ever get to go back. Even those who give up, burn down the bridge and start over, don't really get to start again with a clean slate.

    So it's restraint. I think we have to nurture and develop it in ourselves, and practice it consistently and habitually. It's like an acorn. Its seedling grows slowly and may be weak and need extra care and protection a decade or so, but in time becomes a mighty Oak.

  • eibren
    9 years ago

    That still doesn't bring back the flowers of the hydrangea DH almost murdered when he allowed a tree branch he was pruning to fall on it. I waited six years for those flowers....

    Appreciation is good, but so is venting!

  • treebarb Z5 Denver
    9 years ago

    It's tough to get an Amen here since half of our members are men! The better half has weed wacked a few trees over the years. He just didn't see them. I've devoloped a few strategies to keep the peace.

    The first is acceptance. Sure it makes me angry to have wasted the effort with the plant. But, it's a plant and I value my relationship over the plant.

    Leave work space around any structure that will need mantaining. Fences, pathways, buildings, etc. Weeds and grass are going to come up where you don't want them, every year. Your options are to clear those areas by hand, lay down mulch or rock, or accept that stuff is going to get hacked down.

    Mark your plants. I pound a stake in with a new planting, high enough to be clearly seen. I handle the mowing around the windbreak and "special" areas because I planted them and know where things are.

    No matter what you do, things are going to happen. I'll take a guy out working in the yard anytime over the one in the recliner or in front of the computer. (Mine does all three). If he's working on the yard, try to view it as an act of love. We're humans and are going to make mistakes.

  • catnohat
    9 years ago

    Hey, like I said, I didn't even mention it. (Not too him anyway, which is why this thread includes the word "vent")

  • mstywoods
    9 years ago

    Yea, those 'DOH!' moments can be so frustrating - I've had them as well (caused by numerous parties over the years: husband, yard crew, squirrels, rabbits ... and, yes, even MYSELF - those are the especially hard ones to get over!!).

    Good that mother nature will eventually re-reward us with new growth/flowers, but sometimes it helps while we wait to let some of the disappointment go by doing a little venting to understanding folks ;^)

    Sorry to hear about your Sand Cherry incident, katgardener! Dang fence posts!!

    Catnohat - oh my goodness, ouch! Yeah, that must have been an awful sight!! Sort of reminds me of when a yard crew at the rental I was living in came through and cut a plant I had in a half barrel all the way down (and it was just getting ready to bloom). It did come back the next year, thankfully, but it was really upsetting right after.

    Our plants can be like our babies, can't they?!

    Marj

  • katgardener
    Original Author
    9 years ago

    I sincerely apologize to the husbands that I offended. My husband had actually told me an hour or so ahead of time how pretty that particular cheery was. He completely understands my passion for my garden, and supports it as much as he is capable. He had thought that the beam was safely braced, but then our capricious Colorado wind shifted on him....

    I love my husband dearly, and would not trade him for anything. But as mystywoods said, it is extraordinarily heartbreaking at the moment, and venting to those who understand can be cathartic.

  • Skybird - z5, Denver, Colorado
    9 years ago

    I think venting is a good thing--tho I usually call it ranting!

    Sorry to hear about your sand cherry, Kat. It'll take some time, and possibly a little pruning to even it out, but I bet it'll come back beautifully. And glad you got the new fence! (Methinks fences are GOOD things! Just wish it was legal to build them about 4' higher!!!)

    Cat (with a C--and no hat), If they weren't just planted, the three things you had chopped off are almost impossible to kill and should come back even better, with more new basal growth. (And even if they were recently planted they'll probably still be fine!) You've probably already done this, but if you haven't, prune them all to give them clean cuts and maybe to shape them a little, and then sit back and watch them grow! At least this is a good time of the year to have it happen.

    Happily divorced for almost 35 years,
    Skybird

  • digit
    9 years ago

    . . . some little simple thing I've done

    I'm just a soul who's intentions are good
    Oh Lord, please, don't let me be misunderstood

    Yes, I'm just a soul who's intentions are good
    Oh Lord, please, don't let me be misunderstood

    Yes, I'm just a soul who's intentions . . .

    Steve's digits

  • mla2ofus
    9 years ago

    Venting is good for a marriage. Through the years DH has wiped out my new 'orchard' of 7 trees and 4 shrubs with a string trimmer at one time. Cut right through the bark! Yeah, I did a lot of venting on a lot of things through the years and it does help. I also do a lot of bragging on the good things he does. We're coming up on our 48th anniversary so a combination of venting and bragging works. :)