when name-calling is called for

15 years ago

Good Morning Everyone!

I was out in Dad's tomato patch yesterday, pulling a few weeds. (Perish the thought that there'd be any weeds in my own tomatoes. ;o) After I pulled off my shoes and went into his house, I was embarrassed to find that I'd carried in a plant clinging to my leg. The seed head was doing the clinging - it's some kind of grass, what kind of grass, I haven't a clue.

They cling the way a cat clings to your leg when you try to spin it by its tail . . .

Dad's girlfriend doesn't approve of random cussing. I kept quiet but it's always aggravating to me when I don't know how to adequately cuss something out, using proper, given, botanical, and close approximation of etymological nomenclature. You know - terms I can use in polite society.

There's another grass out there with airy-fairy kind of seed heads. It's really quite attractive in a non-gardening, artsy sort of way. Why aren't these things called Airy Fairy grass and Cat-Clinging-to-Leg grass?

Not only don't I know cussable weeds, I'm also left speechless when faced with landscape plants. An example . . . I bought a house and lived on Linden Street in Coeur d'Alene 35 years ago. I've moved many times since but I didn't know that a linden is the same as what I finally learned to call a "basswood" just this past Winter!

We talked about some of this back in June when Jclepine posted a helpful link. (Notice how "Fine Gardening" uses the same photo for both linden and basswood.)

I look at a "Sunset Western Garden" guide but the graphics aren't the best. There are lots of things like this. I couldn't identify a weigela bush outside of its blooming period to save my soul.

There's a dock that likes to sneak into every garden. We've named it for the stubbornest person in the entire human race because, no matter how many times I've gone to the enormous bother to look it up, I still can't remember its name. It sets roots that reach to the opposite side of the earth despite trying to interfere with everything growing in my own backyard.

At least, I seemed to remember it is a dock. You'd think the gov'ment would be of help with these sorts of things but I find that their Plants Database has pretty crummy photo's and so much info, it's difficult to wade thru.

How 'bout you? Are you often left speechless when name-calling is called for? And, do you have a method for overcoming that predicament?

digitS'

Sort by:Oldest

Comments (5)

highalttransplant
15 years ago
Digit, my viewpoint is, if I didn't plant it, it's a "weed", and therefore, not worthy of any energy expenditure on my point to give it a more dignified name. The only one that I know the name of is bindweed, and that is only because of the many threads here, bemoaning its existence.

Bonnie
david52 Zone 6
15 years ago
I dream of one day, getting a few dozen of those really fancy plant labels one sees in botanical gardens, say 12 " by 15", scrolled iron along the sides, a picture of the plant, the latin name, common name, and a brief description, all of it under plexiglas. And then make stuff up. A plain ol' bunch of cheat grass could be called a Uripidisae wasakili var. Smithson or "Fairies Broom" , east of the Mississippi, and "Dutch Wattle" west.

Biatuscanti denverai var. 'Sweet pink' or "Lovers intwined" for bind weed.

And see who notices.
Related Professionals
Forest Park Landscape Architects & Landscape Designers · Woodinville Landscape Architects & Landscape Designers · Dinuba Landscape Contractors · Dudley Landscape Contractors · El Mirage Landscape Contractors · Kaneohe Landscape Contractors · Manhattan Landscape Contractors · Melrose Landscape Contractors · Miller Place Landscape Contractors · Reedley Landscape Contractors · Golden Valley Landscape Contractors · Cheshire Solar Energy Systems · Compton Solar Energy Systems · Richmond Solar Energy Systems · Laguna Woods Solar Energy Systems
jclepine
15 years ago
I love name calling. Period. My yard, my terms :)

I like the way Skybird does it, fitting the words together and altering the spelling, such as "quitcherbichen" or something like that.

Dude, I totally forgot about that plant etymology site!! Thanks for the reminder!!

I think I would name my weeds something a little less "scientific" and would go for Craptaculus monsterus for bindweed...but that is me and my foul mouth (keyboard)!

Wait, was there a question involved here? I guess my real answer is that my parents taught me to be polite but to use bad words when absolutely necessary. I have determined, after much research, that "cat-clinging-to-leg-and-scratching-and-annoying-me" is one of those swear-worthy weeds.

I really enjoy reading your posts, Steve!

J.
lilacs_of_may
15 years ago
I've never tried to spin a cat by its tail. I love my cats, and besides, they have wicked thorns.

I've found, though, that trying to cut a zucchini off the middle of the plant through several layers of leaves and stems is indeed very similar to trying to brush a 17 pound Maine Coon with an attitude problem.

Until I find out the proper name for a weed, I just make something up, like f. sticklers or choking morning glory. Heck, I figure that's how they got their common names in the first place.

I did find out, just a couple days ago, that the huge tree on my front lawn is a Basswood. Slowly I'm learning things.
digit
Original Author
15 years ago
I was thinking of you when I wrote that about the cat, Lilacs. Of course, it is "swing" a cat . . . & "spin" a dog. I made that mistake because of my own unfamiliarity with either process.

The dog only suffers from a silliness disorder and the dog's owner from the humiliating fact that his or her pet will chase its tail for no good reason at all.

The cat, on the other hand, is very deft at resisting being swung.

Whatever the case - there's no room in RMG for spinning a dog nor swinging a cat, not to my way of thinking, anyway.

Thank you for the creativeness in naming these pesky things that I just CAN'T eliminate from the growing areas. A 2-prong course would probably be wise - formal under some circumstances, foul in others.

Bonnie, I'm with you - if I didn't plant it (at least at some point in time), it's a weed. Unfortunately, sometimes I plant it and then it becomes a weed.

My neighbor and I share the services of a tractor guy and his rototiller in the big veggie garden. It took me 3 years to rid our gardens of my neighbor's volunteer squash. It seemed fairly obvious to me that the things were the result of a zucchini/pumpkin cross and totaly useless for any purpose, whatsoever! I kept asking the neighbor, "What's that?" "What's that?" while pointing into his garden and pulling every consarn one that showed up on my side. He finally grew tired of admitting he didn't know and stopped allowing them to develop mature fruits!

Last year, I grew some Perilla in the dry-flower ornamental corner. I didn't intend to allow any to go to seed but it must have happened. The neighbor had one plant show up in his cucumbers.

I did the responsible thing and pointed it out to him and identified it as Perilla. I made the mistake of telling him that it is used in sushi. Ooops! I just know it's still over there - going to seed - and next year . . . .

a noxious "weed" of our own making . . .

digitS'