Shop Products
Houzz Logo Print
vic_zn5

Goodbye OBF's

Vic Billings, MT
15 years ago

Hello Girls,

This is going to be long, sorry.


Marie,

I do want to say that I was really looking forward to doing your swap next month, it sounded real fun, and esp being your first one I am sorry that I won't be in on it!

BUT, we will be going to WY in the near future, I can't remember the name of the place, but I know it is south of Sheridan and we are going to camp and fish, I know you like both, when I find out the details I will email you and maybe you could come join us! I would love to meet you!

Theresa and Susie,

I have to say I truly enjoyed both of your gifts! I NEVER expected such great boxes from a contest! The plants were wonderful, and I only expected to get 1 or 2 not a box stuffed to the gills! And Theresa, I know you said that you would have liked to have sent plants, but I was very happy with what you did send! I know it still took time and thought!

Thanks VERY MUCH to both of you!!

Carol,

I do hope you start feeling better, the 'p' can be a but kicker!

As far as telling the group about myself as you had asked awhile ago, I feel that I do tell the group about myself quite a bit in my posts. I no longer share as much personal info on here as I used to. Some of you may (or may not) remember last summer, I was living alone, Jamie was here in MT, I was working full time, taking care of my 2yr old, 4 acres, a house and planning a move across the country. I spoke quite a bit about what was going on in my life, TOO MUCH! I could have had a very close call, someone tried to track down my address, it was not a GW member, but you don't have to be to read these posts. So, I don't share stuff like that anymore.

As far as helping out with the organizing of the group, no, I won't be here to help, sorry.

And I think you gals make it so much harder than it has to be. I guess it may be a group preference, but I don't see the need for someone to have to keep updating every ones info. If I am in a swap with someone I can get their addy, and if I want to see what they want/have, I can look at their GW page. I feel that when you are in a group that are friends you get to know ppl and what they like/dislike, how many kids, pets, etc. that they have and don't need to make someone go through all that extra work. IMHO.

Also, as far as greeting new members, I do not have, will not try to find, and would not spend the time if I did have it, trying to decide who should be considered worthy to join this fine group, I would welcome anyone with a GW membership in good standing, new or old.

Anyhow, to get to the point. I am going to leave the group, I have been debating staying since I came back, thinking that things here would settle down, but it doesn't seem so. I hope to see some of you around in other groups, and hope you do not all take this personal. I am involved in other groups that I am much happier with. There is just too much bickering and behind the scenes crap that goes on here for me.

When I first found GW I met some super nice ppl in the plant exchange, then I found the RR forum! Loved it! Met some wonderful friends, and found a place to share so much with other ppl. And not just plants, everyday things, the good, the bad, the ugly, and everything in between! I had somewhere to go and vent about the frustrations in my life, share the good things, and many, many, much needed laughs and shoulders when I really needed them. But it seems that here, as it has been brought to my attention, we should only share things that some ppl find pertinent, interesting, and plant related.

And, when there is a problem, instead of discussing it openly, on the forum, it is sent via personal emails to those that are "felt" should be included. And it is discussed behind backs. I thought the OB in group was for "Our Bloomin" not OB the tampon, which some days it seems boxes of them are flying!

In another group there was a small issue a little while back, someone had an idea they wanted to do for something in the group, some liked it, some did not. Instead of getting personal emails telling them why they can not or should not do that, it was posted openly on the forum, and each member had a say in why they liked/disliked the idea. There were no hard feelings and it was a good idea, just one that not all ppl might have been able to do. That was explained to her and she understood. She was not "scolded" for coming up with it, or made to feel belittled. It was dropped, and we all happily moved on. Doesn't seem to be the case around here.

I don't know, nor do I care, what happened btwn Carol and Sassy. I don't want to be in the middle and I will not choose sides. I will form my own opinions of them on an individual basis as to how they treat me and how I see them treat others.

The main reason I have decided to leave was something that happened a little bit ago, and it was brought to my attention that we are allowed to only share things that certain ppl feel the rest of the group is interested in and wants to hear about. This was not only very upsetting to me, it REALLY pissed me off. And of course, this was done behind the scenes, one person feeling the need to make a decision for the whole group! And I also thought it was a very MEAN AND HURTFUL thing to do, and those that feel the need to reprimand, scold, or in any other way control the things that are discussed on here are not out to make friends, but maybe just have a need for control.

Ok, I have spoke my mind and feel much better now. I am not one to keep things inside, I too get migraines and tension HA's, and have high BP and I learned a long time ago that not "venting" makes them all so much worse.

I am sorry if I have offended anyone, that was not the purpose, it was just to state my feelings, and explain why I am leaving.

Please girls, enjoy your gardens, and more importantly enjoy your LIVES! It is way too precious and short to spend time on petty things that in the end will have only taken away time that could have been spent planting a flower, or enjoying a friend!

Take Care,

Vicky

Melissa, I almost forgot, I DO have an issue to discuss with YOU. But, since it happened on the PP forum, I will deal with you over there!

Comments (11)

  • remy_gw
    15 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Hi Vic,
    You know I'm posting this to make it drop down the board.
    And as I told you before, you know I'm very upset that someone would tell people what they can or can not post about. Also I'm sorry you'll not be around to post, because I did enjoy your stories.
    Take care,
    Remy

  • abbeyjosmom
    15 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Sorry to butt in here because I really don't know what has happened but I have to say that you are very right about your view on life. It is only when we lose a loved one or one of our children grow and move out that we actually reflect on how short life truly is....20 years slips by in the blink of an eye and honestly I know there were many many spats in that 20 years that ended friendships but I cant say as I truly remember the reasons for the spats, etc. I have come to realize that I want people to remember me for my loyalty, honesty, caring nature, and overall love of life and people and not for my ability to win an argument that doesn't amount to a hill of beans anyway. I hate to see adults acting as though life is promised to them or anyone else for that matter.

    When I am angry or upset about something that isn't actually worth my time or even things that do warrant my anger I think of the people in the world that are all alone with nobody or nothing. Or worse yet, I think of the children raising siblings in Africa, etc. because they have lost both parents to AIDS. Then I remember how truly blessed I am and watch my children play, stare lovingly at the man I have loved for nearly 20 years, or look at the wonderful gardens I would not have if it weren't for so many people on GW. It is so easy to get caught up in the bickering and backstabbing but in the end the only person you cheat is yourself and you could have had a friend or two instead.

    So I try to live knowing; Things are rarely ever as they appear; Everything in life is a choice that grants you a reward or a consequence; Life hands you back what you are willing to put into it; A friend is someone you can have a knock down drag out fight with and talk with an hour later as if nothing ever happened...we are all human and we all have emotion resulting in anger now and again; And most importantly in the end it only matters what God sees in my heart.

    Live life with no regrets, lots of laughter, tons of love, and waste no time on the bad stuff because nobody is promised another minute, they are but a gift from God.

    Sorry again to butt in but that is my 2 cents... I hate to see people lose sight of the great things in life because there is certainly enough bad in the world all on its own without us adding to it.

    God bless!

  • veeja11
    15 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Vic, Thankyou for standing up for our lil bunny, whoever told her that does not speak for the group. please don't leave us we love your stories. we send e-mails beacause it is actually against gw rules to argue on posts. we do sometimes have drama but any large group of ladies has occasional problems. All in all we are a group of gardening friends. get to know us and you will see that. stay please. hugs carol

  • Vic Billings, MT
    Original Author
    15 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Thank You Carol,

    But it was not just the one incident, there are several others that have been hurt by things, one that almost left GW all together, and I would never of had the chance to get to know her if that had happened......but I will not go into all that.

    As I told Remy, I should not have posted the way I did with quite the public display of attitude, but I was pretty upset about it.

    Sorry for anyone on here I offended or caused hurt feelings, but I would hate to see a newbie leave GW over a not to nice of comment and think that all of GW is like that in general. And I did try to make it clear that it was NOT everyone in the OBF group, there are a lot of very nice gals in that group and I do hope to see you around here on GW.

    I do tend to speak my mind, and maybe sometimes too 'loudly', but that is just the way I am.

    Vic

  • dorisl
    15 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    "against gw rules to argue on posts"

    I had an experience like this years ago in a soap opera group. Sometimes the air can get close in online group rooms. :)

    It says alot that the group needs to to argue in private emails instead of being able to discuss things in public.
    Id be uncomfortable in a group like that because of my previous experience. People gotta pick groups that make them happy. :)

  • veeja11
    15 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    You will be greatly missed, rules may have changed but I know of at least one person who was kicked off gw for posting personal arguments. We are pretty much a fun group. if you will stay and let me know what you feel is wrong, I will try to change it.
    happy gardening
    carol

  • tracyvine
    15 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    I don't see much of an arguement going on here. Just a person saying goodbye and stating why they're going. Nope, don't see anybody getting kicked off for that. Happy Gardening is what should be going on in all of these groups. Now knock it off.

  • mellen
    15 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Knock it off? I don't wanna. :P
    Mary Ellen

  • tracyvine
    15 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    ROFL, k, then don't, leave it on. lol

  • remy_gw
    15 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Ok, I wasn't going to post again, but some things seem to be misconstrued and I hate for people to read this and think that all the OBFs are sending messages behind the scenes and all arguing. This is NOT true. There are TWO OBF's that were arguing. TWO out of at least 20 women. Two out of 20 is not a whole group of bickering b#@hes.
    That they posted privately about their disagreements is their business. At least one email about their argument were sent to other members and some people don't like being involved with why two people aren't getting along at the moment. That is ok.
    As Carol mentioned, yes, you can get kicked off for arguing. I know others that have, all someone had to do report they are unhappy with the powers that be about a post. It might just be deleted and a note will be sent to you about inappropriate content, or if the powers that be deem it a bad enough offense, you will get banned from GW.
    The other thing is that someone said something to a member that was the mean and hurtful thing mentioned above by Vic. That person now realizes what they said was not the thing to do, and I truly believe is sorry. I was mad about it too, but I know that sometimes people say things and don't realize how it will hurt someone else. I've done it myself before! and felt just awful.

    Tracy,
    I think you misunderstood. No one is saying an argument is going on here. : ) The arguments mentioned were about the emails.

    Ok, I have to get ready for work now. I hope I made sense,
    Remy

  • mellen
    15 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Thank you, Remy! Everything you said is positively the truth. Okay, I'm done.
    Mary Ellen

0