To Annie/canyonwind for being so late on my end of sending out those seeds I owed you.

To the swaps I wanted to join but had to drop out of.

AND to MNF group for being so late with Annie's seeds.

I have not been posting or participating in any swaps/trades or groups lately. I haven't even been checking the post except sometimes I do check and post a few things on the quilting forum nor have I been keeping a regular check on my email.

The reason is because I have developed cataracts and they are bad an getting worse. I had been told over the past 8 years or so each time I saw an optometrist that I had them an it was just a matter of WHEN they would develop.

I thought ok so I know they are there ok, I can deal with that if an when the time comes.

Well the time came too quickly because I could see VERY well in the spring, I could see the tiny writing I put on my little plant tags in my seed trays without a problem. Over the summer I noticed I was getting to the point I couldn't see very well at all, at first I just thought it was due to me needing new glasses.

So of course I put off going to the eye doc, when things started getting to the point that I couldn't see my tags I just thought ok, eyes are getting worse faster because I am older and I REALLY need to get new glasses, no big deal.

I have had the halos that come with cats for a long time, but it was just at night then it got to the point I had the halos during the day and sunlight hurt like crazy and should light hit my eye directly it physically hurt like mad. To the point tears would come. I KNEW this wasn't right and at that point I knew the cats had developed SOME, I was still ok an put off going to see the eye doc.

When my vision got to the point I could no longer read much of anything including labels from seeds I was getting in trades I just figured I needed reading glasses so I decided to go check some out at the dollar store, that was a no go, I still couldn't read at any power. I at this point still am not concerned because I figured they just didn't have the right power I needed....so I waited about a month when the little magnifying glass I was using didn't work anymore and went back to the store to check out the reading glasses again and the store I was in had them up front where the floor to ceiling window was an the light was spilling in an this time I could see the haze/cloudiness I was not seeing before, I figured the layout of the store and lighting with the sun had something to do with that.

AT THIS POINT I am more concerned but still figured ok, go have your eyes examined they will get you the glasses you need and you will be able to read again and all will be well again....

Sometimes things in life are just not as simple as you want them to be, when I did get to the optometrist I couldn't see a thing on the wall chart, NOTHING, it wasn't clear enough to make out any of it clearly. I knew when I couldn't read the TOP line I was in trouble BUT I wasn't worried because I again figured my eyes had just gotten so bad I needed the coke bottle glasses to see.

It wasn't until the doc came in I started to worry, he looked at my eyes an asked me some questions an one was I bet sunlight an light in general hurt your eyes don't they? I said yes, I have very sensitive eyes. He said, an when did u notice your vision getting worse? Me: The last 4 months they have gotten to the point I can't see.

He said, well yes, you have cataracts an they are this kind, an rattled off a name that was about this long heheusheyjjlntoitnowcantseenothing kind which are the fast growing kind. I can't tell you much yet, let's see what happens when I dilate your eyes....

so, off I go to the girl who does this and it hurts like hades,,,gosh I don't remember that stinging and burning THAT bad! Geeze!

After I am looking like a zombie I get to see the torturer again because THIS time he brings out that dang little pen light and OH BABY I CRIED THE WHOLE TIME HE WAS LOOKING IN MY EYES... involuntarily I might add though I wanted to really cry, it felt like my eyes were on FIRE!

SOOO, he is turning this little light this way an that an saying, nope can't see this way, nope can't see this way either...this happened about 6 times an he finally says, I am sorry but I can't even see in your left eye. The cataract is so bad I can't see past it. Your right eye is a little better but notmuch.

They have to come off, do you have insurance?

Um...NO!

Ok well you have to have this done or you won't be able to see, there is no point in you ordering new glasses because you will not be able to see anyway.

AND THAT WAS THAT, I can't see, I need surgery an I am in a horrible situation at the moment I can't pay to get it done, no job, no insurance, an I can't see well enough NOW to get a job....

My bf thinks I am joking when I tell him I can't see something but I can't it is bad. He thinks because I can see on MY settings on the computer I can see, BUT he uses a different browser and I can not see anything on his.

We have a 23 inch screen and I use Google Chrome an have it enlarged to as high as it will go so I am able to see the content of online things, for me even then sometimes I am still unable to see somethings.

The point to this posting is to let those I have traded with know and the swaps I was trying to be part of that I am not a deadbeat trader, I am just so depressed at the moment I don't feel like doing anything.

I mailed off Annie's seeds Tuesday 10/30 so as of this posting I don't owe anyone.

I saw where Dan disbanded the sewing group, I wanted to join them, I had been looking at sewing machines I wanted, BUT I can't see well enough at the moment to even thread one if I had it I could only image what something would look like if I tried to sew anything at the moment.

AT any rate, I am sooo sorry for my ramblings I just wanted this group of folks as a whole to know I am still a good swap partner, I am just down for the count at the moment and I don't know when I will be back in the game and until I can see again I have no desire to do anything with seeds.

I didn't even finish out my garden this year because I couldn't see well enough to harvest much, so it grew up. Some of the stuff I managed to save to get seeds from are just sitting outside I may or may not clean them, depends on if I have a good enough day to remotely see some details....

It was fun being part of GW again, maybe I can do it again.

:) Aqua

PS

I tried my best to not misspell anything but by the time I got to the end it was blurry so forgive any typos....