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Do Gardeners Marry Each Other?

Posted by bumblebeez z7b SC (My Page) on
Wed, Sep 22, 04 at 18:46

I'm always interested in the sociological aspects of gardening and have yet to meet two married people equally interested in gardening. ( ok- I do know one couple)

I am definitely not married to a gardener. He's wonderful in other ways but not anything plant related.

It's always fun to talk gardening when I go to nurseries as I did today, although I know more than they think I do.
(Yes, yes, I KNOW what a hydrangea paniculata is)

Anyway, as a personal survey, are you married to a gardener?

It must be so nice to have a common hobbby....

Although, I would not want anyone telling me where to plant something!


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: Do Gardeners Marry Each Other?

I was but he died a few years ago.


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No, not me.. I wish he was more into it, but he's not really... at least I can do whatever I want to do but shoot it would be fun to do it together too! Especially the deadheading, etc.... at least he cuts the grass I am so thankful for that!!!


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I can not say that my hubby shares my gardening interest, thou he is helpful and pretty handy with
digging tools. He also helps me with the watering chore so it all works out very nicely. He loves fresh
tomatoes and for a few years I just lacked the energy to get it going yup, my ears were literally burning
the whole time.


Ankrara's Hobby Corner


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Oh no! I am and have always been addicted to gardening and many other outside interests but my DW has no interest in gardening and is an inside person, perferring to curl up with a good book. I guess it's a good thing that we don't share an interest in gardening or we would not have had a long and happy marriage (36 years), I can't see us working together in a garden.


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  • Posted by Dancey Zone 8b Texas (My Page) on
    Thu, Sep 23, 04 at 8:23

Yes, I do have a dh that loves gardening and planting things. But, neither of us knew we would get so 'into' gardening when we married. lol It is wonderful to have the most important person in my life share with me the fun and satisfaction of gardening. ;)

Dancey


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Gardening is the area where I can exercise my control freak tendancies and I would NOT want to share. I share everything else. This is MINE.


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maybe by accident. I didn't know I was a gardener - except the indoor kind - until after we were married and a lady at church drafted me to prune rosebushes. He didn't know he was a gardener until this year when we got our first house and he could dig up HIS yard to make his first veggie garden.

He handles veggies and lawn care, I handle everything else. Works pretty well. Only points of contention so far are organic vs chemical man and bermuda grass versus everything else i want to plant:)


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Yes. But unfortunatly, one wants to plant every thing in one straight row. The other wants graceful groupings and curved lines.

It gets touchy around here
PB


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nope, i'm the out doorsy type and he is the inside computer geek. i grew up on a farm, he grew up in a big city. opposites do attract. i love having something that is MINE.
i do enjoy the occassional questions and opinions just to have him involved in some way. i am definitely a gardening addict....


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yes, and I have heard that they are called "Soil-mates"~


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well, he wasn't when I found him, but he is now. Scarily so in fact, anything I want to buy he says go for it. And we've got the negative balance in the checkbook to prove it.
We're both addicted - run home every night from work and rush outside to play in the gardens. Roses are the latest addiction. That's an expensive addiction.


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Not in the beginning, he's coming around to gardening, and he digs good holes.
He may have the county record for mowing over plants that he didn't see...so big stones become decorative accessories.


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Gardeners should marry spouses who appreciate their gardening, but not those who want to tell them how to do it better!

.....Alan (laughing).


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RE: Do Gardeners Marry Each Other?

  • Posted by Redhead Upstate SC - 7b (My Page) on
    Sat, Sep 25, 04 at 9:24

My DW doesn't garden so my gardening buddy is my sister. Her hubby will help in the veggie garden. Two of my three daughters like to garden.


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This has been fun to read! I'm not sure I really qualified as a gardener when we got married, tho' I'd always kinda puttered, but I got addicted pretty fast, both inside and out. My parents were both gardeners, and I think they started out with Mother being the real gardener and Daddy 'helping out', but I well remember when he was about 35 or so, he decided that sitting in an office all day was contributing too much to his waistline. So he decided to garden, and made his first rose bed--all different HTs and all red!--and he became every bit as addicted as Mother was. We all garden--one sister has a nursery and yard care service--and all my kids garden. At first my husband mostly puttered--did things like put marigolds in my very purist rock garden!--but 25 or 30 years ago he got bit bad by the grape bug, even hybridized them for a number of year, and he said it was nice to finally understand me. Got much better about my spending money on plants and plant supplies too! He had the sides of the house for grapes and I had the front and back, and we kept pushing on the borders. Now he is too sick to do any of that and I'm slowly replacing the grapes with my plants as the grapes die. I'd really rather not.


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Nope - my wife does zero gardening or yardwork. Not into plants very much, although she does comment from time to time when she notices something she likes.

I do think she would like the garden more if I was more into ordered, neatnik plantings. We sometimes watch the gardening/landscape shows on the weekends. I am mortified by the corporate-looking mass plantings and sweeps they do on those shows, whereas she thinks they look nice.


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I usually get comments from my husband at this time of year about how everything looks weedy. And why can't we just have green stuff. In other words no lantana, salvias, pampas grass, perennials in general ...! We don't have weeds.

We go to the Clemson Botanical gardens a lot to walk and at least he can see that I'm not the only one with wild plants and floppy sedums.


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I, too, know just one couple who share an interest in gardening. They have strictly defined their respective outdoor territories and have completely different styles and plant interests.

My ex-husband gardened outdoors, at a time when I was interested only in houseplants. That worked out okay.

Otherwise, I have met very few men who are interested in gardening. I once briefly dated a man who was interested, but our relationship abruptly ended when, without asking, he "helpfully" raked up the surface of my favorite flowerbed, pulling up all my dormant perennial groundcovers along with the leaves.

I've often thought that it might be fun if gardenweb had a "singles" forum, so that those of us who are unattached can meet others here who have similar interests.


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WestEnder;- Here is one... Enjoy!

Here is a link that might be useful: Single Life


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My wife and I are avidly interested in gardening and horticulture (and have been since childhood). We met at the Philadelphia flower show in 1982. Our tastes are not exactly the same, but that's to be expected.


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Supannee/Ankraras,
That "Single Life" link was an interesting trip. I had not realized that there was such a thing as "That Home Site" or at least not that it had anything to do with Gardenweb. I think what I like about our gardenweb forums is that we can access all the forums (or at least all I've ever tried to access) without being a paying subscriber. The same is not true of That Home Site, nor of the Single Life forum there. Probably as a result, it seems not many people use it.


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Many of the homesite forums are free. I love the Home Decorating forum and the post turnover is rapid.


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Many, if not most, of the 'students' in the classes I teach and lectures I conduct are men. I've discovered that men are avid gardeners. And thankfully, my second (and last) husband is also a professional horticulturist! We met at a conference. It's a great joy to be married to someone who shares the same vocation and avocation.


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**Gardeners should marry spouses who appreciate their gardening, but not those who want to tell them how to do it better! **

So true! I dated a control freak once, and he criticized my terrifly informal gardening style so much that I finally left him. Everything in his garden was sheared and shaped and perfect. Mine is left largely to what nature intended. He got angry with me because I used leaves for mulch, said it looked unkempt. I saw it as recycling nature, as nature intended, and creating a nest for earthworms.

He sprayed and fertilized and chemicalized everything! I used organics, which he made fun of as "hippie stuff".

We could never have lived in the same house, because he would have won through intimidation, and I would have been miserable.

I'd love to marry a gardener if we had the same sort of philosophy. My current BF hates gardening, but he will dig and carry for me, which is great when it comes to planting and transplanting large plants.

Unfortunately, he's leaving, so I need to find another strong back for my garden who won't complain and won't interfere.


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DH used to know what the lawn mower was and would service it for me on occasion but that was about it. This behavior lasted for years. We finally bought our dream home and he has become obsessed with turf, when I say obsessed I mean it, if its drippy outside he will get out to mow before it rains, he measures his cuts etc.... his new trick is to cut patterns in the grass... I love it but do miss the mowing, it was always good exercise for me, now if I mowed he would have a fit.... it wouldn't be done correctly.


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LOL! Joule, I'm that way about my yard, to a degree. My beds are not laid out or sculptured, or anything, but I want my front yard to be mowed and edged right. I finally started doing the edging myself, because when my BF got ahold of the weed whacker, it looked like a drunk goat had chewed up the grass! I think he did it on purpose so that he wouldn't have to do it again.


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  • Posted by Clod 8b SC (My Page) on
    Sun, Oct 3, 04 at 8:33

This is for bruggirl: 50 yo single white male looking for single lady with garden and tiller, please send picture of tiller.


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RE: Do Gardeners Marry Each Other?

Clod, if I'd only known that a tiller is all it takes to attract a man I would have saved a lot of heartache. Thanks for the tip.


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I knew gardening would not be a shared hobby, which was fine, when my future F-in-L asked if his son was still gardening from 10' off. 12 years later he still gardens from a distance, but now he has Opinions and I've run out of duct tape!


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interesting reading. my H. like plants but so far hasn't interferred. if both people like gardening you would have to assign spaces, how else can you do what you want? our next garden in N florida he wants to do vegetables. I say: next to the parking area! the rest of the garden is my playground. i only want a 'small' garden but really nice, natural, and it should have a patio, a pergola, a fountain, some palms and flowers...no grass.
happy gardening everyone,b.


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Sometimes people start out married but with different interests and grow into each other over time. My husband started out a city-boy with lots of computer skills. I did most of the outdoor work. We soon began to be interested in something new to learn. I didn't own a computer. We purchased our house, not for the structure but for the lot size and dirt quality. Now I post in chat rooms and he corrects my latin pronounciation and plans how to "zone push". We are now complementary gardeners. I've got to say that our combined household income and interests makes it easier to spend a lot more on plants, shrubs and trees too. Blessing or curse?


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My loving wife is a terrific interior designer who occasionally asks me for ideas/opinions. I am an exterior designer who occasionally asks her for ideas/opinions. I have one annual bed near our pool which, while she can't design it because she doesn't know what will grow where, I do ask what color scheme she wants and I do my best to give her what she asks for. Other than that the outside is my playground, the inside (less my office) is hers. It works well for us.


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Humph. Was married to a wild seed sower - left him fast! Making my own garden, thank you!


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What a funny question...and even funnier answers! I was widdowed in my 40's and the ONLY thing that might tempt me back into marriage would be a really great gardener! What else are men good for?


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This has been funny!


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Hilarious! I need to go and get me a tiller! If only I'd known...I wouldn't have wasted so much time learning to cook!


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My hubby and I were friends till he told me he grew a vegetable garden.....then I saw him in a whole new light and fell in love! Tee! Hee!


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DH takes care of the lawn, and I take care of the rest of the gardening. That's that. It works out really well--sometimes, I look at a bed and see work (needed mulching, pruning, deadheading, spraying, whatever) and he'll stop and look with me and say, "Your red flowers are blooming really well! Looks pretty," and walk into the house. Because he doesn't know much about gardening, he sees the beauty of the garden and not the things I need to do, so he compliments instead of criticizes--I love that.

We also have an understanding--he's a computer guy and wants to spend a lot of time (and, yes, money) on that hobby, and I'm a gardener and want to spend a lot of time (and, yes, money) on plant stuff, and we respect that about each other. After work we both spend downtime doing "our thing" to help us relax.

Even better, two of his best friends have gardening wives--so, the men go do their thing, and we go do/talk about ours.


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My patient husband does the mowing, raking, major tree trimming and really appreciates the fresh fruits and veggies I grow. He will help me build raised beds, and since the hurricanes, has gotten very good with a chainsaw. He does get irritated at having to mow around my trees, but since we lost so many big trees, he has not complained about the survivors. He always comments on the Bonsai (likes them very much) and likes the raised bed areas with bananas, figs and mangos since they are no work for him and look very nice. I keep up with weed wacking and maintain all the plants. It works out well. We eat lots of good, fresh fruit/produce, saving money, that I buy new seeds/plants/trees with (G).

He is a city person, grew up in apartments, is the first person in his family to own a house. I grew up here in Florida, back when we could pick wild huckleberries and my parents always had a garden.

Gardening is an escape for me, a way to get away from life's stresses. I share special "plant moments" with my husband, like when the Carambola blooms/sets a gazzilion adorable fruit, and he pretends to be interested.

He has learned to identify many plants now, but still loves to embarass me at plant shows by gleefully announcing "Look, there is a streptococcus illicifolia, next to the ficus bulimia!" He deliberately makes up names, to make fun of the proper plant names being bantered about.
I pretend I don't know him (G). Married 17 years so far.

Lisa


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LOL that is funny. My DH is wonderful listens and I know could care less. He does love having a nice landscape prettier then the neighbors. Will lift cut and dig upon request. That is all I need as I am really enjoying my new hobby and would not want him to interfer too much.


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  • Posted by TimH z8 E.Tx. (My Page) on
    Sat, Feb 5, 05 at 9:14

Well, all I can say is I wish I COULD find a wife who lived for gardening like I do. Funny, this is actually an issue right now in my life. I have a nice G.F. but she wont even step outside. I bring her a flower and she screams if she sees a tiny bug on it. I have begun to wonder if it is even a good idea to consider a lady who does not garden. It really stinks when you plant something great for her and you hope she will notice but find out later she could care less. Huhmmm...the more I think about this...


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My DH encourages my gardening and is very supportive. He does all the heavy lifting and major shovel work (He says I am shovel challenged) and the mowing. He did buy me a small shovel that I love and works great for me.

He put together my Harbor Freight greenhouse when the directions seem to be impossible.

He oohs and ahhs over my successes and hugs me over my loses.

I in turn buy him guitars and a piano which are his loves and encourage him to play them as much as he can.

Then we end the day in our hot tub which we both love.

This is a marriage that works great.


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In my case- a resounding YES!

My wife to be moved two doors down from me in a mobile home park. It was summer weather and I noticed her actively digging in the hard red clay to plant some scrubs around the tow tongue of her mobile home. I walked over to chat with her and asked if she would like to borrow a long handle shovel etc. She later told me how impressed she was with my generous offer and what she thought of me standing there in shorts (noting my hairy legs) and that I was wearing an Indiana Jones hat. Well, 16 years later, we are still lovingly growing toward one another.


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I thought it would happen at first with my former girlfriend we were together for over two years,we pretty much thought alike as far as gardening and everything else from the food,to the house,how the bills were paid and even how the money was spent,she was right out there with me cutting the grass,doing the trimming,edging whatever needed to be done she was right there by my side,she was a very beautiful person inside and out....But there was one thing that bothered me and drove us apart and that was she had this thought I was going out on her and seeing other women,I can honestly say I was always true to her.If it wasn't for that we would still be together. Think spring the days are getting longer.


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Haha, well I just got interested in gardening when I moved into HIS (well, ours now) house. the funny part is his parents own greenhouses, that is how they make a living...he grew up working at the greenhouses. So he is very knowledgeable and very helpful...but wouldn't have picked up the hobby if I didn't love it so much!

:)


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My husband isn't a gardener, but is a willing day laborer. He keeps the grass cut and helps with the leaves, and also helps build walls and such for raised beds. But that's as far as it gets. He rarely has opinions about what we plant other than to make sure there are enough tomatoes. He's usually enthusiastic about anything I suggest. I suspect that he'll eventually become a gardener. I've only had a decade to work on him, and he's coming along nicely!


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LoraxDave wrote:
"We sometimes watch the gardening/landscape shows on the weekends. I am mortified by the corporate-looking mass plantings and sweeps they do on those shows".

I am so glad to hear that someone else feels that way about this new way of yard decorating...I choke to call it gardening! - Cookie cutter gardening, 101.

Having never had a companion that cared pittly squat for working in the yard or gardening in general, I can only speculate & wonder on what that would be like and how nice it could be...

~Annie


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For 38 years I was married to my biggest cheerleader and "grunt" person. My wonderful husband did all the heavy work, let me buy whatever my heart desired in the way of plants, suffered through endless seed trays all over the house in the early spring, patted me on the back for my successes and hugged me over my failures. He photographed all my flowers, built me arbors and planters, watered my plants, weeded the obvious - if he had a question he wouldn't pull it. At some point in time he decided he wanted a goldfish pond and VOILA overnight be came an expert on water gardening and bog plants. All this was done on a postage stamp back yard in Delaware.

In 1999 he took early retirement and we started our dream of 4 season gardening and a larger pond, with a stream and waterfall on 1 1/3 acres here in NC. We also had started an outdoor garden railway around the pond with a bridge going over the stream and had plans to do alot of minature/dwarf gardening. Life played a mean trick on us and after a 10 month battle with cancer I lost him on the first day of spring in 2003. I have since married a wonderful cancer survivor and together we share a love for gardening. We are fullfilling some of my first husbands dreams and building more of our own. Our motto is "he who plants a seed - believes in tomorrow" - we believe in tomorrow. Thats my story in a nutshell - yes spouses can become gardeners and gardeners do marry each other........

Happy gardening
Lynne


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It's funny, the more I'm into gardening, the more my husband has stayed out of it. Probably doesn't have anything to do with the garden; I think it has more to do with his work schedule, plus the fact that we have a horse farm. So when he's here I need him to do the ultraheavy things, like chainsawing and changing the implements on the tractor (we have an old tractor and it's not easy). Boy I do wish I had more help in the garden sometimes though.


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  • Posted by gilisi zone 7 sth/est (My Page) on
    Fri, Sep 2, 05 at 12:19

i would have to say no...if they did, who would accidentaly cut down a favorite bush? or mow over the perrenial bulb leaves before it was time? or complain about not being able to get to the faucet on the side of the house for all the limbs? or weedeat too close to a favorite tree??? need i go on??????


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LOL........ what an interesting thread.

Nope....... DH is not a gardener. Many years ago he was hauling nursery stock out of Oregon, and brought me home many plants that were left over, rejected and some he even purchased at the nursery. Many of those plants found their way to other gardens of family and friends, since he knew nothing of what he was bringing home. He has not mowed a blade of grass or helped in the yard or garden since '93. LOL... I put in a pond this spring, and he has never taken the time to leave the TV and even check out the pond.

I cringe at the thought of him getting near the garden with a weedeater or mower.

My garden is my sanity saver, I truely don't know what I would do without it.

Carol


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There are some really funny posts!

My husband caught the bug when he retired and we moved into a house with 5 acres of woods, rocks and clay. It has been fun to watch him read the catalogs and even more fun to say, "don't you remember when I killed those?"

He is working on one side of the property and I am working on the other side. He has created an oasis with hydrangeas and azaleas. I'm still employed so I am going for low maintenance and am using natives that I see popping up along the roadside in the middle of August.


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That's funny, I like the idea of splitting up the yard.


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I met my husband in the springtime. On our first date he heard me comment on daffodils and other wonderful plants that were blooming in that area at the time. On our second date he showed up at the door with a bouquet of daffodils (I think that's when I knew he was the one). On our third date he came over to my place and helped me plant daylilies and misc. flowers. We've been gardening together since (20 years).


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My husband, God rest his soul, loved veggie gardening. He was the one that tilled the garden, hauled home the manure, and picked out the plants to put in. I helped tend. He wasn't much into ornamentals. That was my thing, but he did help with the heavy stuff. We had fun...him on his side of the yard, me on mine. I kept fresh flowers in the house, and he kept veggies on the table.

Only found one other man that was into gardening, but he was into "perfect" and a total lawn fanatic, and I'm into "jungle" and "get rid of the grass", so we didn't last long. He had to always have his way, so we had separate yards and now have separate lives.

If you ever walk into a house of a man who lives alone, and it's spotlessly clean, and he prunes hibiscus and bougainvillea into cubes, RUN! That's the first sign of a control freak.


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A very interesting thread...my first had none of it, work of any kind was an anethma to her.....my second...we met online, and among her pics and bio were garden pics...and I thought, "wow, a gardener!"...well, turns out, DW of 3 yrs likes to look at the gardens , and look at the butterflies...and she is so patient about my endless hours outdoors, late winter evenings standing in the rain as I "draw in my head" with a shovel.....and spend summer weekends doing this and that....and she'll love the finished product....

Now...I always had the dream I'd fall in love in a garden...a chance encounter...finding that beautiful woman...feminine...yet unafraid to get her hands dirty... in overalls with her hair back digging a hole and planting something....I guess the real reason...is that if you look at true gardeners...(not the chemically sterilized flowers in rows) but a true gardener...who loves and lives all aspects and creaturs of the garden...who has an appreciation for the diversity of the web of life in the garden...then that person is a nurturer...and nurturers are the most loving people I have ever met...

I always thought the creation story was in the garden for a reason...that we have left the garden...and until we return...we won't truly appreciate those things greater than we are...my garden is where I talk to my late father (who taught me the love)..it's where I see miracles and creatures great and small....and I have often thought of a relationship between a couple in the garden analogy....that love is like a garden....it will have sun shine, and will endure storms....wind...rain...weeds....but if the master gardener tends lovingly to the garden.....prunes, weeds, fertilizes.....s(he) will harvest something that is of such awe and wonder....for love is ultimately a great mystery....and one that never loses it's dynamics in a garden..and a tended garden never loses it's mystery....but ratehr grows more beautiful with the passing of each year....

And so I hope the same for my love and my garden...


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My DH of 17 years WAS a gardener when we met. That was how he hid from his first wife. Since then, I garden, he supports. His retired father was quite the gardener, and he enjoyed growing up in that environment. He is a fantastic hole digger (I too am shovel impared:), supportive nursery visitor, supportive garden tour(r), supportive listener to my big dreams. He would build anything for me, but right now when he is home the "honey-do" list is for things more of a necessity (ex: bathroom faucet, kitchen floor, carpeting bedroom, etc);
Hopefully, as he gets to retirement age he can slow down and get back in the dirt-on his side of the yard-of course :) CJ


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My DH is not an avid gardener, but grew up on a big OH farm where he had to pull his share of farm duties & learn everything from livestock to growing crops. Big difference in scope of farming & the type of gardening most of us do. So now that we're nearing retirement, his tractor & other tools are his toys on our "farmette" of 9 acres we built our house on 6 years ago. We're had a lot of soil to improve & landscaping to do. He is a very helpful workmate, and even lets me drive his tractor-toy on occasion, LOL. When needed, I get his help a lot with the digging of holes, hauling stuff, so I'm surely not complaining. He does most of the mowing & leaves the choices of plant varieties to me. Bottom line - we're both 'outside' people who enjoy working with the land in some way. So even though we might be working on something separate, we work well together doing some aspect of what we both enjoy. And knowing the other is around somewhere to call on for help is comforting.


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  • Posted by EvaK 10A NFtMyers (My Page) on
    Thu, Nov 3, 05 at 10:50

My husband is not a gardener but likes the yard to look nice, and helps when I ask. My daughter told me that all the other neighbors'yards look "professional" and mine looks
"homemade". That's because they have landscapes (all laid out with twelve identical plants, laid out exactly 4 feet apart, with the flowers trimmed off to keep them symmetrical) and I have a garden -- full of flowers and butterflies and birds and edibles. I like mine better!


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I'm about to marry a wonderful man who loves to garden with me. Gardening is what started our commonalities and it grew from there. I waited 36 yrs. to find a man who would garden with me and he didn't even know he was being tested to see if the interest was genuine. He's studying to be a master gardener this spring, so I'm really excited about that. I think having like hobbies is such an asset. We play,work and eat in the garden. It's like paradise for us.
Hilary


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