Well I'll be darn...I just found my problem ( I believe) on the Help Tomato tool here. Looks like septoria leaf spot I guess?
Will septoria also destroy the vines so quickly?

g2b, where do you live - state and zone? This can be entered/corrected in your member page -- if not, let iVillage know (see letters and comments link at bottom of main forum page).

Anyhow, septoria leaf spot wouldn't be doing that to your stems. In addition, I don't think that lesions in your picture quite look like sept spot. Take a look at the problem solver again -- alternaria canker might be one possibility you'd want to consider (pics in both leaf and stem sections).

Apparently septoria spots can appear on tomato stems. Cornell University says "Spots may also appear on stems, calyxes, and blossoms, but rarely on fruit." (http://vegetablemdonline.ppath.cornell.edu/factsheets/Tomato_Septoria.htm)

and

Ohio State University also says "Septoria leaf spot is a disease of the foliage and stems" (http://ohioline.osu.edu/hyg-fact/3000/3112.html)

Are there spots on the fruit as well as on the stems and leaves?

Re Alternaria canker, TAMU says "Symptoms of Alternaria canker appear on stems, leaves and fruit...Sunken grayish lesions are present on fruit." (http://aggie-horticulture.tamu.edu/tomatoproblemsolver/stems/8b.html)

It seems to me that Septoria isn't ruled out yet, while alternaria canker would cause spots on the fruit and I don't see any.

Nope, the fruit look great. Not a split, spot, or flaw.
In person here it looks like the Septoria shown on the links provided. I am suprised it has created such brittle, drilled, destroyed stems

I really didn't want to use any chemicals but I broke down & bought some Daconil today. I think it is too late however as the entire plants are infected already.

Should I spray my seedlings next spring when I first put them out to avoid this again?

Should I spray my seedlings next spring when I first put them out to avoid this again?

I did, although it probably isn't really necessary that early in the season. But all the plants are healthy -- I only had a couple of leaflets show septoria spots, and a couple more with early blight spots, and I blame those on "I missed a spot" (I also removed those leaflets ASAP!). Daconil is only a preventative, not a cure, so starting too early is better than starting too late IMO.

thank you bcday for all the advice
hopefully next year I will have more knowledge & catch any troubles much earlier