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texasorbust_gw

Need a funny?

Texasorbust
17 years ago

How to torture teenagers:

1 - tell them suggestions gathered from post on gw about acne prone face......... "ahhhhhhhhh mom, you told all those people i have pimples?"

2 - have dh make wooden garden signs for you to paint. before painting prop them in corner and tell children you plan to make a graveyard for the ducks you recently lost in a coyote buffet. they will run to "tell" on you beacause they never know what you might do.

3 - Have gardening supplies mixed with ebaying supplies on counter when teen boy and friends walk in. Things like gallon size baggie full of shredded alfalfa you plan to try making tea with sitting next to postal scale. Ever seen 4boys with eyeballs on cheeks? One even grabbed son's elbow while gasping "duuuuude". Think they thought i had lost mind and turned to Cheech & Chong methods for extra gardening cash.

Comments (23)

  • rick_mcdaniel
    17 years ago

    That's not torture. Torture is taking away their cell phones, computers, and TV. Even worse, making them have dinner with the family. Or the really vicious one......making them go to school dressed like an adult.

  • pjtexgirl
    17 years ago

    Confess Rick.. you don't have kids! LOL! I know the answer.
    If my teen kid/his friends thought I had "weed" on my counter I think they'd freak totally out.I'm totally anti-drug and verbal about it.
    I'm sorry your son was distressed about you talking about his acne. You can always dig up last year's summer discussion about preventing yeast infections in the heat if it will make him feel better.Or it might embarrass him so much he'll forget his self consciousness.
    I'm still sorry your ducks got eaten. Apparently, EVERYTHING likes chicken and duck. I'm in a total suburb so there aren't a lot of coyotes. We have raccoons tho and I gotta be on top of locking the hens up. It's so easy to forget. I sometimes wake up late and think,"Did I remember to lock up the chickens!!!?" My DH and I have a deal that he'll double check me. PJ

  • jolanaweb
    17 years ago

    When the kids were living at home, all they wanted to do was play sports.
    Our house was always the hangout.
    On weekends, we tried to make it fun so they would want to hang out at home.
    I never could embarrass any of them and I tried, lol
    They have always been able to embarrass me and still can, LOL
    Susan, you have brazen coyotes. I've never been around coyotes that come up while I was out and during broad daylight and steal pets
    PJ, Raccoons are are so sneaky and smart

  • Texasorbust
    Original Author
    17 years ago

    making them go to school dressed like an adult

    The dear boy and friends are now wearing thier hair like the beatles. Poker straight and longer than norm.
    Makes me feel too old to say "get a haircut kid" so I drop hints like ...will i be taking you to school in the mystery van today? or these cookies are known as scooby snax in other countries.
    As long as he is decent person and stays up on grades I try not to fuss much about that kind of stuff, but it's hard sometimes.

    We often go back out and double check the ducks to make sure everyone is locked where they are supposed to be. Its the norm now to say...going out for a beak count.

  • jolanaweb
    17 years ago

    Susan, you are a wise Mom, good kids, good grades and picking your battles and beak counting

  • pjtexgirl
    17 years ago

    Don't sweat the small stuff! I sweat needle tracks not a mop head. Believe me when it's time for most to get a real job they'll modify the hair quickly enough.
    What do you call a crate full of ducks?
    * *
    * *
    * *
    * *

    Box of quackers! Ug.....I know...LOL! PJ

  • jolanaweb
    17 years ago

    The Smart Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway.

    But, as time went by, the traffic built-up at an alarming rate. The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day.

    So one day Farmer John called the sheriffs office and said, "You ve got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens."

    "What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff.

    "I dont care," said Farmer John. "Just do something about these crazy drivers!"

    So the next day, he had the county workers go out and erected a sign that said,

    SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING.

    Three days later Farmer John called the sheriff and said, "Youve got to do something about these drivers. The school crossing sign seems to make them go even faster."

    So, again, the sheriff sends out the county workers and they put up a new sign that said,

    SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY.

    But that sped them up even more! So Farmer John kept calling, and the sheriff kept changing the signs.

    Finally, Farmer John said to the sheriff, "Your signs are doing no good. Can I put up my own sign?"

    The sheriff was ready to let Farmer John do just about anything in order to get him to stop calling every day.

    He said, "Sure thing, put up your own sign."

    And after that, the sheriff got no more calls from Farmer John.

    Three weeks later, curiosity got the best of the sheriff and he decided to give Farmer John a call.

    "Hows the problem with those drivers? Did you put up your sign?"

    "Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since then. Ive got to go. Im very busy." He hung up the phone.

    The sheriff was really curious now and he thought to himself "Id better go out there and take a look at that sign... it might be something that WE could use to slow down drivers..."

    So the sheriff drove out to Farmer Johns house, and his jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign. It was spray-painted on a sheet of wood:

    NUDIST COLONY-Go slow and watch out for the chicks

  • pjtexgirl
    17 years ago

    ROFL!!!! I wonder if that would work around here....PJ

  • jolanaweb
    17 years ago

    Maybe, try it and video it for us, lol

  • maden_theshade
    17 years ago

    LOL! I wish I could have been there to see their expression when they found your new line of 'business' on the counter! hahahahahaha!

  • Texasorbust
    Original Author
    17 years ago

    Can't afford sunscreen for a nudist colony in Texas. Guess I have to put up my own sign too:

    Please don't smoke the mulch!

  • jolanaweb
    17 years ago

    HAHAHAHAHA, you might have people wanting to since your asking them not to, lol
    Is there a foal yet?

  • sally2_gw
    17 years ago

    Susan, maybe you need to get a donkey, too to guard your ducks. You can Jolana can go donkey shopping together.

    Sally

  • Texasorbust
    Original Author
    17 years ago

    Like nursery shopping? "Honey! I'm home! Send the kids out to help me get the donkies out of the back of the jeep!"

    Would love to have a donkey but someone around here scared dh off of the idea. Still laying the groundwork to bring him back around. Can you treat them as a pet(spoil)them and still have them as good guards? Im bad with the spoiling animals thing.

    No foal yet, just a horse lazing around looking like an upside down volkswagon.

  • pjtexgirl
    17 years ago

    I'm so pea green with envy! A baby horse!!! PJ

  • sally2_gw
    17 years ago

    Sorry, I don't know the answer to that one, as I've never had a donkey. I've just heard about using them as "guard dogs."

    Sally

  • pjtexgirl
    17 years ago

    I got an email(Carrie?) that showed a donkey killing a mountain lion that took after it's owners German Short Haired pointers(spotted hunting dogs that are fairly good sized anyway) The pics looked real. The donkey grabbed the cat by the tail and whooped it over and over on the ground until it was dead then smoooshed it. The dogs just stood there looking confused. It was wild!PJ

  • bossjim1
    17 years ago

    Jolana, you get one of those varmints, you better behave yourself!.HAHA
    Jim

  • jolanaweb
    17 years ago

    Why Jim, I swear I don't know what you speak of, lol

    PJ, they can be very protective and they really do keep away coyotes.

  • bossjim1
    17 years ago

    PJ, please send me that video.
    Jim

  • jolanaweb
    17 years ago

    It was a mule. Here it is

    Here is a link that might be useful: mule vs cougar

  • bossjim1
    17 years ago

    Well, your goats should be safe from mountain lions!
    Jim

  • pjtexgirl
    17 years ago

    Couldn't find the video. Here's the pics tho.PJ

    Here is a link that might be useful: mule vs lion