Dena, just be there, if you can. Be there with your loved ones, the best you can. Be there, even if you have difficulty avoiding "losing it." Lots is happening that is painful, that is beyond your or anyone's control. I hope you know and can rest assured that your fellow GW members' prayers are with you and your family again and constantly. And that there are answers to those prayers coming your way that you can be assured of. Not necessarily the answers you might expect or desire, but the answers you need.

I've had a tough day too. Tough week. I have had to pause and reflect on many things. One thing has become a little clearer to me just in the past hour. It isn't right to think of life as just one struggle after another to avoid pain or heartbreak. There is a nobility that we can own only by enduring pain, a richness of life that we can only experience if we experience pain. Of course, that does not mean we owe it to ourselves to inflict pain on ourselves, or enjoy anyone else's pain, or go looking for chances to experience pain. It just means we might from time to time have to force ourselves to re-adjust how we think, or are thinking, about some pain we are feeling or about to feel.

I hope this encourages you Dena.

If possible get your DMIL on an antidepressant, if she is not on one already. This is one of the cruelest diseases.
The hospice nurse told me the hearing is the last to go, and to be careful what we said to him. And when the time comes do not let DMIL be in the room when he dies. I stayed until the nurse said maybe I should go to another room. She, my son and DIL stayed the last 5 minutes with him. My DIL told me the nurse talked to him as if she were me.
The day I had to put my DH in the home, I came home and sat down, waiting to die. I felt like my life was over. Now, it has been almost 3 years since he died and 7 years since I took him to the Vet's home.
It is a struggle, but life does go on.
I know this post is a downer, but having been there, I feel these are things that may help prepare you and your family.

((Dena)) I will listen anytime, maybe you should get MIL a boxer

"I hope you know and can rest assured that your fellow GW members' prayers are with you and your family again and constantly." Wrote and deleted several posts for you Dena, afraid of saying the wrong thing. Just know you are not alone.

Agree with you TorB, just know that we are here for you, Dena praying all the way. ((((hugs)))))).

I worked with Alzhiemer's patients and their families. It was so difficult to cope with this disease.Nope, there aren't a lot of answers are there? Do what you can and turn the rest over to your higher power(God or whomever). It's a horrible,baffling disease nobody really understands. You're in my prayers.

Dena, My heart goes out to your family in this trying time.
As someone said above just being there is a big help. There maybe times when she needs to be alone with her thoughts but I wouldn't let her be a lone to much. Making sure she's eating right and taking care of herself make sure she's going to her doctor appointments if she needs to.
I can't know what the family is going through cause I've never had to deal with Alzheimer's. There maybe a support group, even if your MIL or DH doesn't go it can help you out in getting it off your chest.
I do however understand the heartache of a loved one being sick and not showing signs of getting better. Been through it many times and I know how lost you can feel and how alone it feels sometimes even when you have many people around.
One thing that is so helpful is having the outlet to talk about it to someone outside of family.
My prayers are with you and your family.

Dena, I don't know what I can say that hasn't already been said but just know that your family is in my prayers.

Dena, both my MIL and my mother had alzheimers, and then my mother developed lung cancer on top of it. We were able to get her hooked up with hospice care, and it really, really helped. My FIL got my MIL into hospice care, also, when she started to seriously decline. We also were involved with the Dallas branch of the Alzheimer's Association. They have classes and support groups and books available. Hopefully, they have a chapter near you. They are a wonderful resource. Maybe you've done all that. Even with your FIL in a nursing home, they could still be good resources. Those things, of course, are just things to do that might help with coping, but I know the pain is still there. Please know that I'm thinking of you and your family, and will keep you all in my prayers.

Sally

stitches, Thank you so much .. and yes your words are encouraging, and when I myself reflect, I see I probably would not be who I am today (as strong) if I had not gone thru the struggles life has to offer. I sure wish they'd come just a bit less often..LOL
Kathy, I took my DMIL to the doctor her blood pressure was sky high and he increased her blood pressure medicine, and gave her an anti-dep. she took it a couple days and said it made her legs feel like noodles...she quit taking it....I'm glad you mentioned about not haveing DMIL in the room when the time comes...and no..not a downer! Its a true life story that actually helps ME better prepare..
jolana, LOLOL..on the boxer..several years ago with protest I brought her a mini chauacha(SP?) and she is in love with her and has said more times,,,thank God she has Lady, one of my boxers would crush her..LOL
TorB and Carrie, you could never say anything that would be the 'wrong way' if it comes from your heart as your posts did...I would not take loveing words the wrong way....
PJ besides little LadyBird (moms chauauha) God is really the internal help my mom has right now...
Barb, I have on multiple times tried to talk my mom into going to a help group, even willing to drive and stay too..she just isn't ready for this YET...
To All...again I say I am blessed with such a Group! Thank you all so much and keep them prayers coming!
It took so long to get back...LONG story short...while having our tile laid, I did the most stupidest thing..I tripped over a tool box (the big truck kind) ripped open my leg to the ER 7 staples later..10 days I had them pulled 2 days from this it was coming open and they left one staple in..went to Dr. she pulled the last staple and said it was OK its the way the ER had done the staples lapping the wound over each other instead of putting the tear togather...needless to say Sunday nite I DID rip it open, back to the Dr. yesterday who set me up an appt with a plastic surgeon...where I was at today...he says he thinks it will heal w/o surgery and the gaping would slowly close up on its own that I will have an ugly scar (who cares about scars, I was scared to death about him cutting on me...).soo whew no surgery yet...I go back to him for a final answer...surgery or no on Friday.
And all I WANTED WAS TILE FLOORS..LOL...
Again..Thank you ALL so very very much!!!
Dena

Dena, what happened with your leg ? Take care of yourself too so you'll be strong for your Dh & DMIL. There is a verse that I held onto last year when Stephen ( DS #2) was so sick, can't remember the exact words but God won't give us anything we can't handle with Him. Sending prayers to you and your family. Bev

hi bev, it's doing great only about a 1/2" wide opening now, and still about 6-7" long..but I can tell it's closing up...NO SURGERY..Yea...
Dr. gave me what I call a miracle ointment..If you had seen the leg you would have said..."she's gonna have to have surgery..its bad infected" it was soo ugly..whew...
The ointment is Silver Sulfadiazine.
Went back to Dr Friday....no swelling..no infection..
I will live..and so will my leg..LOL!! You know the adhesive on the bandaides hurts worse pulling it off than the leg does...go figure!
Thanks for asking bev..I still feel soo stupid..
But...tile still looks great!! LOL

Miss Dena, don't feel stupid, we all do that kind of stuff
I'm glad it is better, get that tape that stick to itself so you don't have to rip your skin off, lol

What tape jolana???..Im willing for anything right now..it's truely taking my skin off in places..sheshhh..but I CANNOT leave it uncovered/exposed right now..its still pretty raw.......I try every morning while I drive to work to leave it open to air..then I get to work..do the ointment..put the bandage on...then when I get home at night for about an hour (depending on the dogs..lol) I'll leave it exposed for as long as I can..
But seriously..this adhesive on these bandaides is killing me....I have 2 raw spots where it's just tearing my skin...my cut looks better than my leg around it....
What else can I use that does not stick to my skin???
Seriously!
Dena

Dena--First, I am so sorry for the loss of your brother-in-law, and for the struggles you and your family are going through right now with your father-in-law. God bless him, this must be really hard on him, too. It sounds like you are trying your best to be a support for your MIL, which is so good of you to do. God be with all of you through this tough time!!

Ask for, or try to find yourself (at a medical supply, perhaps?) a self-sticking, rubbery tape that sticks to itself but not to your skin. Lots of people have an allergy or sensitivity to adhesive, so when you are at the doctor, mention this and ask for something else! I personally do have problems with bandaids and tape, even paper tape. I've used a purple rubbery tape, which I've been told one brand name is 'Coban' that really helped and did not irritate me. Good luck!

Lindsey

PS--sorry, Garden Web didn't like my link. You can copy and paste this address into your browser and see the tape I'm talking about.

http://solutions.3m.com/wps/portal/3M/en_US/SH/SkinHealth/brands/coban/?PC_7_0_2UBE_command=CustomizePageHandler&PC_7_0_2UBE_theme=medical_professionals_portal&PC_7_0_2UBE_output=html&PC_7_0_2UBE_vroot=F9G1189154ge&PC_7_0_2UBE_gvel=B385P3RT67gl&PC_7_0_2UBE_node=5144G1LTSXbe&PC_7_0_2UBE_root=GST1T4S9TCgv

Dena, this is just an example.
They sell it at HEB, Walmart, pharmacies
It is usually white in those places
You do have to use a gauze pad under it

Here is a link that might be useful: self adhesive tape

So its a gauze..and a ..... wrap?..that still gives air to the wound??
Man...I can live with this..I just want so bad to leave it open....yet I know this is not sanitary...I have to protect the cut...
sigh..
jolana...I can do a gauze and this wrap lightly..and it will still get air and be sanitary???
Dena

Dena, The last few teenager accidents Billy had, that is what htey used and recently Miss Maisy was hurt and the vet used it. So I keep it around now. You don't have to keep wrapping it just enough that it will stick and hold the gauze or pad. They even have those square pads that won't stick to the wound
When was the last time you were in the bandage area at the store??? LMBO
jolana

A Very Very long time jolana..LOL
I just aint' a sick person, or one that has cuts that a small bandaide won't fix...lol
Dena

Dena, there is also some stuff called tegaderm or opsite that can go over the wound & will allow the healing . It's sticky but doesn't take off the skin. The gauze tape may work better depending on where on your leg the wound is. Or use together. Legs are hard to keep a bandage on sometimes, the muscles move & loosen everything up when we walk & that helps keep the wound open too. I love the way your tile looks & as for falling down & feeling silly - - we've all done it & I'm an expert at it. We all have to be experts at something, right ?
Your boxers look so sweet. My neighbor also has 3 boxers & I'm the official weekend caregiver. I also go over whenever I need a few doggy kisses. Blaze (13) is the oldest & sweetest, Minnie (7) is next, & then Priscilla (4 ) is the baby. When we get a wet snort we call those " Boxer Blessings" There are a few pieces of furniture that have the corners chewed off,pillows that are unstuffed, & sometimes critters are brought in the house as toys but the love & comfort they give makes up for everything. Bev

thanks bev, it's right down my shin and I really am going to go and get some gauze and the wrap, it's got to be better than the tape on them darn bandaides...
I love my boxers...every afternoon when I get home from work...I dread going into the house to see what they possibly got into that day...We do have a gate and 'try' to keep them in the back room and a doggie door to be able to go outside if they wanted to..but they always seem to find a way to get out of that gate..lol
The snorts and the slobber..sheshh talk about Hooch...(turner & hooch, that movie)..yep that reminds me of my oldest Hannah, the 2 babies don't seem to slobber so much...yet
They just have the sweetest personalities...
I guess I will have boxers until the day Im no longer here..
Dena