Ok, who else has done this? I can't be the only one... can I?
I went to the nursery yesterday, and it happened something like this:
NURSERY: "I have OMGMILKWEED!"
LAUREL: "I am physically unable to pass milkweed without checking for caterpillars."
CATERPILLAR: *munch munch munch*
LAUREL: "OMGZSO CUTE! That's the first one I've seen this year! Why don't MY milkweeds have cats yet?"
NURSERY: "Our plants are just that rad. Also, $20."
LAUREL: "No way I'm paying $20 for a plant I already have. Especially when I can get more at that swap next month."
OTHER MILKWEED PLANTS: "Why don't WE get caterpillars, too?"
LAUREL: "Good question! I don't see any more, or even eggs! Is the nursery getting rid of all caterpillars to keep as much foliage as possible on the plants?" *panics*
And then--I tore off the leaf of the plant with the caterpillar and drove home with him. It was like seed-snatching, but with a caterpillar. From a nursery. From a plant I did not buy. I felt so guilty. But what if he would have been killed if found?
LAUREL: "OMG I just kidnapped a caterpillar!"
CATERPILLAR: *does not enjoy the car ride*
LAUREL: "You need a name, because you'll be the only caterpillar in my whole garden right now!"
CATERPILLAR: *is frozen in terror*
LAUREL: "I name you GEORGE!"
CATERPILLAR GEORGE (hereafter to be called "CG" for short): "I HATE YOUR DRIVING!"
LAUREL: "We're home!"
CG: "Where's the chow?'
LAUREL'S MILKWEED: *is covered in aphids--and ants*
CG: "Are you kidding me? You took me away from endless food only to put me in mortal peril? Haven't you ever seen ants gang up on some small creature and eat it alive?"
LAUREL'S SKIN: "What the hell is going on?"
CG: "I'm starving!"
LAUREL'S SKIN: "Are you handling MILKWEED SAP? Without gloves?!"
LAUREL'S BIRD POPULATION: "Dude, is that the seed-holder-refiller-human? With a caterpillar? NICE. The food here is getting really good! Hurry up and put him in the bird feeder and walk away so we can chow down!"
CG: *cowers*
LAUREL'S SKIN: *is getting irritated--literally*
LAUREL: "THIS SUCKS!"
At this point, I put Caterpillar George into the caterpillar cage and zip him up to keep him safe from the birds. He is still clinging to the tiny stem from the nursery, and is hungry, scared, and pouting. Then I drive back to the nursery to buy him some dinner, because I don't want to feed him to the ants on the milkweeds I already have.
LAUREL: "I wonder if I can find any more caterpillars...?" *cannot*
LAUREL'S SKIN: "Let's go home, I don't feel so good."
LAUREL: *buys a small (read: food for one, less than $20) milkweed that looks a little different than the kind I already have*
NURSERY POT: "Butterfly weed!"
LAUREL: "You're a bit vague, aren't you? Oh, well--gotta get home, George is waiting."
And then my husband calls while I'm driving home.
LAUREL'S HUSBAND: "Where are you? Is everything ok?"
LAUREL: "I KIDNAPPED A CATERPILLAR!"
LAUREL'S HUSBAND: "What?"
LAUREL: "I found a caterpillar and he was really cute and I haven't had any all season yet and I stole him from the nursery but just on one leaf and I drove him home and I think he was scared and he's really hungry now and we have ants so I can't give him the plant I wanted to give him so I locked him up because the birds would eat him and I went back to buy him some food but don't worry I only spent a little money and now I'm on my way back home!"
LAUREL'S HUSBAND: ...
LAUREL: ...
LAUREL'S HUSBAND: "Ok, that's kind of adorable."
LAUREL: "Don't encourage me!"
LAUREL'S SKIN: "You left out the part where you, like, poisoned me or something. I hate you."
I get home and rush the plant to the caterpillar habitat and plant it near the chives--I've heard aphids hate chives--and give the chives a trim to let out more scent just in case that plan will work to keep the aphids away from this new plant.
LAUREL: "C'mon, George, it's time for dinner!" *tries to coax him to move from the tiny stem he's still clinging to, to his new host plant*
CG: "I do not trust you!"
LAUREL: *leaves him on top of a group of leaves, figuring he'll climb onto them when he's ready, then puts out some Amdro--organic gardening is great whenever practical, but caterpillars > ants. Die, ants!*
CG: *has fallen off the plant and is now on the soil, still clinging to his stem*
LAUREL: "OMGIWILLSAVEYOU!"
CG: "Get the crazy lady away from me!"
LAUREL: *puts him back on the plant and gently nudges stem against leaf to make him start to climb*
LAUREL'S SKIN: "Need some help here, right about now!"
LAUREL: *zips up the habitat and puts tools away*
BIRDIES: "Damn, I don't think we're getting that one!"
LAUREL'S HUSBAND: "You're home! Where is the kidnapee?"
LAUREL'S SKIN: *is red and irritated like whoa*
LAUREL: "He is right THERE and I named him GEORGE!" *beams*
CG: *is doing upside-down caterpillar acrobatics, showing off for husband*
Maybe the reason I couldn't find any more caterpillars, is that other gardeners take them, too? Or is it just me?
pjtexgirl
debndal
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