Not that i am convinced that the egg in fact does preceed the chicken, but the clutch i have been sitting on for such a long time now are children's books.

The first i have gotten so far as to pick a name (Publishers be damned!) and it's called "What's the Matter With Rabbits?". It's about a prepubescent girl (A gardener), who struggles with the real day conflict that society presses upon her, smashing her self esteem in the process, and the steps she takes with the unexpected help from a mysterious source who turns out to be her long lost mother's granfather's son from a second marraige. OK, it's about a girl who has rabbits that eat her garden, but everyone she turns to has horror stories of their own... will she NEVER get help?!?

The second is about a mad gardener who crosses all sorts of uncrossable plants with results you don't want under your bed at night (although it has lost much of it's whimsical appeal now that GM is a reality). It's more a book of images than something normally associated with a pulitzer.

Lastly is the money maker, a romance novel about the shirtless gardener who seduces all the ladies in the gardens he creates for them. Kind of an autobiography from the days i used to own a landscaping business.

I am afraid the eggs have sat so long now they have gone bad.

Poppa

Thank you! I have just spewed Diet Coke all over my keyboard.

But who will play you in the film?

I now have 5 Spewies to my credit list! Wish there was a way to hang them over the fireplace....

TJ, i don't think anyone could play me.. not many people with the Tom Cruise looks, the Marlboro Man's ruggedness, Ahnold's physique, Cosby's sense of the absurd, Don Rickles's philosophical outlook, Hamilton's permanant tan, and Hulk Hogan's sensitivity.

Poppa

You did it again! stop, before I break something.

I want to save John's computer equipment, so I'll try to get this back on track.

I want to write a book. It would be a small book, a collection of essays to be exact. The essays would be personal and somewhat autobiographical as they explore my evolution from a city kid to a gardener, a steward of the land and a country resident.

When I was a child growing up in one of the country's largest cities, we referred to any vacant lot as a "prairie". There was a small prairie down at the end of my street, and I used to shudder at walking through the clumps of ragweed in late summer. Today, I wander through fields of true prairie plants and marvel at the diversity of plant life that mother nature provides. The work that we have put into the land has returned rewards more satisfying than money, more nourishing to my soul than food.

I would love to share some of what I have learned from the land and about the land. What I need is a goal, a plan and the discipline to stick to it.

So there's my soul bared for all. Have at it, INK!

V.

Well V. I am moved by those eggs.
You did perceptively pick up on my question and my procrastination "I would love to share some of what I have learned from the land and about the land. What I need is a goal, a plan and the discipline to stick to it."

So why, besides that she's a more serious writer than i, did she get the gold star and i am relegated to clapping the erasers? Sheesh! I answered the question and barred my bad egg laying behind too! That's OK, i happen to like the feel of chalk dust on my palms.

Here's a little secret without intending to belittle anyone else. Veronicastrum, you have a voice worthy to accomplish your task. Of all who post on this forum, i would be most likely to read your book. Now go write it.

Poppa

I surely meant no offence and I was in no way picking favourites, Poppa, and it has to be said the your writing is fairly amusing especially when one considers your advancing years.
I will dismiss your inuendo about not reading my book but feel compelled to inform you that 'I' should be capitalized.

I once told a girl i considered her cute and not beautiful. In my mind, i was paying her acompliment as i considered most "beatiful" women as artificial while "cute" girls were attractive, full of life, bubbly and fun. She obviously didn't take it the same way and married me so she could remind me of that remark, forever.

INK, i think you called me cute.

As far as the "i" goes.... it's simply a marketing ploy to get people hooked on my writing on one more of many different levels.

I thought i was being quite political and purposefully said only that i was more likely to read V's book, not that i would not read anyone else's. I can truthfully say that given the time, i fully intend to attempt to read everyone's book.

Poppa

Although it is not impossible that i consider you bubbly, any implied offer of marriage is hereby withdrawn. Furthermore to lump my book into a list headed "everyones book" i find insensitive especially after you thought i called you cute. Now i won't let you read it even if i ever write it. Old people will be excluded from reading my book even if they are cute.

And so ends an attempt to share humour via internet. Get it now poppa?

Get what INK? I THINK i got it all...was there more to it?

You had some funny replies. I am just too tired to be funny these past couple of days and reply. Besides, you jilted me, so i need a few days to get over the crush...

Poppa

If anyone was doing any jilting, it was me.

Both of you said very nice things about my writing and I responded with - resounding silence.

I could portray it as revenge for all those women who were ever told "I'll call you" and never received a call. But the truth is, I got busy for a couple of days and then got zapped by a storm that took out the network server. No internet access for a couple of days, and then a couple of more days chasing down the lingering problems. I'm pretty sure Thoreau never had these problems with his pencils.

But now it's time to say a sincere thank you to both of you for your kind words. You (plural form) have encouraged me to get serious about setting a goal and getting it accomplished. I already have taken the time to think out my first steps. Now it's time to start cracking those eggs.

INK, I would be happy to read your book when you write it. Even if you aren't bubbly and never marry Poppa.

Poppa, I think your second idea has some real potential. It may not be whimsical given the realities of GMOs today, but it could be cast as a cautionary tale like The Lorax. And Dr. Seuss was old, too. (Just teasing!)

So get busy writing... both of you.

V.

I want to read the book about the shirtless gardener...."sweat glistening on his bare chest".

Yes, indeed.

Janie

Actually, i don' think i could write something in that vein. I couldn't stay serious. At some point my cursed sense of humor would take over and i find that it often ruins the mood.

(not that that has ever happened to me, but it could... )

Poppa

I'm a garden reader, not a writer. There may be fewer of us than there are of you.

Some of my babble ended up in someone else's book and I was thrilled, to say the least. It did not prompt me to begin a book of my own.

I hope all of you get published, except I think Lady Chatterly's gardener has already been done.

Nell

I withdraw my remarks. Blushing here, I am going back to lurking.

Janie

POPPA! Now look what you've done!

Janie, y'all don't mind Poppa; he just gets carried away every once in a while. Remember, he's the one who confesses to Hulk Hogan's sensitivity.

V.